As some of you know, had my mediation with WW and her atty and my atty at the courthouse on 3/30. Stated that I didnt want a divorce. WW stated that she did. So, we gave them a proposal for settlement. One that we felt was fair in light of her adulterous behavior. I found out from a mutual friend that WW's atty recommended that she accept. A week ago yesterday (Sunday), WW showed up at the church I attend and we were married in and attended together. Dont know what she was doing there. Hopefully she was seeking the word of God and wasnt there to discuss a divorce settlement. Havent heard or seen from her and I am still in NC (plan b) with her.
I thought last week about putting a time limit on the acceptance of my proposal, after which I would submit one even less generous than the current one. But after much prayer and consultation with my attorney I have decided to "be still in the Lord."
The tough part of all this is that I think WW is now starting to realize the consequences of her actions. My atty and my friends and family all think she is going to seek a reconciliation. I am scared to think that this is a real possibility. I dont want to have to deal with the disappointment if she doesnt. I still want a reconciliation because I believe in my vows and I believe in forgiveness, but I am scared to allow myself to think it is a real possibility. This limbo land is tough.
My other thoughts are that if it is this tough for me to entertain the possibility of reconciliation, how would I be able to open up myself to the actual reconciliation if it does occur? My question is this, how do other mb'ers deal with the possibility that a reconciliation fails?
I know, I am probably getting ahead of myself here. But my atty thought WW would accept the proposal fairly quickly and that hasnt happened yet. Wednesday will be two weeks.

It is awesome that you are giving it all to God! I wish I had good ansers to your worries and concerns. Just trust the Lord to take care of you and help you deal with everything. If you do reconcile then I would recommend marriage counseling with a Christian Counselor to help you rebuild and heal your marriage. Also, this site and the books are filled with great information on rebuilding a marriage after an affair.

Stormy,
thanks so much for your reply. You are one of the few on this board that consistently replies to my threads. I really appreciate it.
How is your sitch going? I hope it is improving. Let me know.

Your a Christian and your from Texas! So, of course I reply to your strings!

Thnaks, I am just hanging in there. The last string I posted was about lies and honesty. My Husband is back home, but I am worried he is using drugs again and I am scared to death he is going to cheat on me again. I am also very hurt from the cheating. It is like an emotional cancer that tears me upinside. In the past when the cheating stopped I started recovering , but then something else happens and the wound is all opened up again. I am trying to give it all to the Lord and find strength through God.

Stormy, what have you done to try and deal with the drug use issue? Many years ago I had my own issue with alcohol. I went to my pastor and we prayed and then I attend 20 some odd AA meetings in the next 6 weeks or so. Finally I grew tired of the AA meetings and quit attending them, but started a 12 step bible study class at my church. Now, 12 years later I am still sober. I think the key was the spiritual awakening I underwent. My sobriety is a gift from God that I dont think I would ever throw away, no matter the circumstances. Many members of my family were concerned when my sitch started, but now they see that my sobriety will not be shaken by the turmoil in my life. The way I see it, alcohol is a depressant and right now the last thing I need is a depressant. I need to be uplifted and alcohol would have the exact opposite effect.
Is your husband spiritual at all?

He has gone to an NA meeting, but refused to ever go back. We have tried MC, now IC, talking with our pastor, attending Church, attending Bible Studies together and seperately. He says he is a Christian and that he loves God, but his actions say the exact opposite. To me it seems like he knows God is real, but he is angry at God and he blaims him for his childhood abuse. Right now I am getting IC, attending ALANON (they do not offer NARANON in our twon), go to Church on Wed. and Sun. I pray and read the word. I do not think my Husband has honestly made the decision to leave the drugs alone. He says hehas, but it doe snot seem that way. I am learning in ALANON that I can't force him to , I can't control him, all I can do is focus on God, my children, me and trust the LOrd to take care of everythign for me. It is scary . I am so use to doing everythig I can think of to ,in my mind, try and stop him from using. Sorry, for taking over your question.

Stormy

WCNT,

Man. I am WITH you on that one brother. I don't want a divorce either, but the WW's behavior CANNOT continue. I can't just "keep rollin' over." I have had her hint at possible reconciliation, too. Only to have my hopes dashed.

At this point, I have to finish this. End this. I need something EXTREME to make me trust her again. My heart wants to for my sake and my kids, but I can't take another betrayal.

Right now, all I feel is anger. I really needed to hear someone "be still in the Lord." Raises the bar on what kind of behavior I am willing to accept from myself. One of my tenets is "If another man can do it, I can do it."

Thanks, man. I needed to hear that today. Needed to hear the Lord behind another brother granting him internal peace and serenity. Too easy to give into the other.

Really.

Thanks.

NCWalker

NCW,
I try to think of it as being that I have the rest of my life. So, be patient and lets see what our WW's do. If this doesnt work out with my WW, I know what I will be looking for. And the #1 thing I will be looking for is a woman that is full of the spirit. Right now I pray that if my WW bumps into the Lord while seeking his will, she will listen. We will see.
Last week, through our intermediary, I received a list of things my WW wanted from the home. I was not able to get these things together due to the fact that I work in minor league baseball and last week was our opener. We had a four game homestand that ended Sunday evening (4-0 I might add!). So, last night I had to do what I had been dreading. I prayed for strength and the ability to get through it. The WW had a list of things like spring and summer clothes, cosmetics, etc.. Well, the thought came to me that I didnt want to be doing this more than once. So, I got all of her stuff together and put it in plastic garbage bags (seemed appropriate at the time) and put it out into the garage.
It felt good to get through that task without breaking down. I am continually amazed at the strength the Lord gives me during this time. His love and his guidance is something that is nothing short of miraculous. This knowledge tells me that I will be okay no matter what happens. I give all the praise to him. He is there for any of us if we just ask him to guide our thoughts and our actions.
I started reading Joel Osteens book, You Best Life Now, last night. The first chapter talks about removing the limitations for ourselves we put into our own minds. He talks about envisioning success for our marital relationships. Well, while reading this, the thought came to me that what he says is true. While I would like the marital success to be with my WW, if it is not, it will be with the partner the Lord provides for me down the road. Quite comforting. I strongly suggest you pick this book up if you havent already done so.

Be Still In the Lord!