I know all of the stages of grieving that one goes through when going through finding out about the A. Then when there's a second d-day, it seems you go through it all over again. (For me it was worse the second time.)

After Dday #2, I was a wreck, tears non-stop 24/7 for couple days.

Then the anger seemed to set in. I was not fighting or arguing with my WH, just had anger inside me.

Then, for the past few days I almost felt NOTHING. Not happy, not sad.
I was telling my friend yesterday that I don't even feel sad. I couldn't have cried if I wanted to.
I have all the paperwork filled out for the D (using a mediator).

I thought wow, maybe this is me being strong to get me through this.

Well, last night, out of nowhere I was laying in bed and the tears just flowed again. I can't say I was even thinking about it to make that happen. Man, this sucks.

Suzy,
I know how you feel. I am getting a divorce that I filed before I found MB, and that I want to stop. But, my WW is deep in fog and is looking to relive her teenage years.

My emotions do the same thing. About the time I think I am doing great a wave of depression hits. Sometimes it just blindsides me out of nowhere. Then anger comes. My WW has put me through this 3 times in 9 years and she doesn’t seem to think a thing of it. She is out having fun while I am devastated. Some days I am happy she is gone. Other days I want her back so bad. Nights are the worst. I will reach for her in my sleep and she is not there.

The best thing to do is understand that your emotions are normal. I know it is so hard as I (and most of us here) are living it.

Keith

I think we're all on the roller coaster. It's confusing, and doesn't seem like it should be that way, but there it is. I didn't have a great day with my FWW yesterday either. We were at each other all day. You're doing great, keep it up!

Hi Suzy,

I went through two D-Days too, we are still together and working on it. I think the second one was a lot more devastating, at least for me. If I remember your story right, your two d-days were a couple of months apart? Mine was over a year apart, although I had real signs of continued communication that I rationalized/listened to the lies/ignored.

I understand completely about the rollar coaster. I'm in the down mode right now myself. When I'm on the downside, I don't trust anything my H says and wonder why I am even trying. I can't concentrate on my work, family, nothing else but the A, the OW, the lies...

I wish you the best and hope it gets better for you!