Post deleted by stayAtHomeDadOf2

You're a good writer.

Contact is contact. Even visual sightings will delay the necessary healing.

The wife of OM must be informed of the PA. It is her right to make any decisions she chooses with full factual disclosure.

Your wife owes her an apology.

Everyone should be tested for STDs.

This is only the beginning.

Pep

Post deleted by stayAtHomeDadOf2

Hi StayatHome!

I was a stay at home dad of three for several years while my wife worked, so I totally understand how hard it is to get posting/reading/etc done....

Just wanted to throw this in - the withdrwal process can take a long time, especially if there is any contact at all. As long as your wife is willing to work on your marriage you have a very good chance of saving your M.

You should get to an MC though. ALso, see if your wife is willing to read some of Dr Harley's books - especially HNHN...

Will post more when I get more time....

David

Post deleted by stayAtHomeDadOf2

[color:"blue"] The discovery and the stopping of the actual affair is only the first door you walk through on your way to recovery.

Real recovery takes a few years ... the usual is about 2 years. (hubby and I are 9 years recovered) Recovery begins when there is actual NC (otherwise the work / neighborhood contact triggers 'feeling' in the individual adulterors) and both spouses are putting forth committed effort to fix the marriage.

You are starting out on pretty good footing.

Recovery is not for sissies.

Conflict avoiding is a 'no-no' ... issued previously avoided and ignored must be held to the light and dealt with straightforwardly ....

Welcome to MB by the way

[/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SAHD, Pepperband is right, real recovery will not start until contact ends. So-called "professional" contact is still contact and prevents her from withdrawing. It is usually just an excuse to continue the affair. Neither of you will ever recover as long as she is still in contact.

See, an affair is addiction much like an alcohol addiction. What she is doing is tantamount to sending a recovering drunk into bar every day and sitting her in front of a cold beer. Every day she obssesses about that beer and thinks of nothing else. And when the inevitable weak moment comes, she grabs the beer and drinks it down. Every day is a temptation to her with a high risk of the affair resuming. That is what you are dealing with.

That is what is going on here. And your W will never withdraw from him as long as she has to look at him every day because the fantasy will continue. The obession will continue. Not only that, but every time she sees him puts YOU back to Day 1 of recovery. You won't recover frm this until contact ends.

So, you are very right that she has to leave the job and move into a new house. That is, IF you want to recover.