Hi fellow MB's,

It's been a long bumpy ride.

-I've done plan A (about a year? It was on and off, plan A was easy for me, I care so much about her that it seemed no effort to me to fulfill het EN's, but she had already built these emotional walls around her. I could have plan A'd all my life, no problem. I'm the plan A king hehehe)
-I've done plan B (about 2 months now, plan B is HARD. I missed her so much and the uncertainty drove me crazy)
-WW is filing for D. (WW got close to OM as soon as we seperated for plan B, go figure...)

Still I think that the MB plan is one of the best ways to save any marriage. But unfortunately we can do so much on our own. If your spouse has gotten into this state of mind where he/she just is not willing to help rebuild the marriage, even behaving in a way which is destroying the M more and more, then there is nothing you can do. You just cannot control another persons choices.

Even though I've been enduring this pain for more than a year now, it seems there will be more pain for the next months to come. Can you figure? It doesn't feel like a relief now she's made up her mind. I always had hopes for us to reconcile, that hope gave me a purpose, a drive.

What do I have now?
Yes, I know "a chance for a new future, a new life etc".
I was not looking to start a new life. I wanted a new marriage with my W, but she never gave us a chance. Leaves me with a sour taste, never got a fair chance to make the marriage better. But life is not fair, is it?

Right now everything seems so hopeless. Will my life get better? Will I ever be happy again (I was "King of the world" with her, that's how happy I was with her)? Will I be able to trust somebody again? Will I ever be able to love someone as much as I love my W (not WW... hate WW, WW killed W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />)
All these little things I used to enjoy in life seem so insignificant now.

Sigh... I hope this passes real quick.
I hope I can make at least 1 person on the board smile one time. I'm still kinda scared to give advice. I got a lot of encouragement from this board, saved me a lot of times.

Signing out.

I am sorry about your M moving to D <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I wanted to say though that with all you have learned from MB you CAN go on to be even happier with someone new. The changes you made during plan A will be things the next person will really appreciate.

Hugs to you and best of luck in your future.

Thanks for the encouragement Faith,

I like your sig.
I also have done everything to right my wrongs I think. Cannot say the same about WW unfortunately. Up to the last moment she was still telling lies, even let OM sleep in MY house, in MY bed. She apologized for "everything", but that doesn't make up for the hurt she caused me, family (and eventually herself). Saying "I'm sorry" and not acting accordingly to back your apologies up just doesn't cut it. I pray for her every day.

Dutch,
man I feel your pain and I dont mean that lightly. As a matter of fact, you could just insert my name in place of yours in your story and it would pretty much be what I have experienced to a t.
In my sitch, my WW is now going around peddling a story about how she hasnt been happy for a couple of years and that she hasnt left me for OM. Its really pitiful. The only people that are buying her story right now are her family. Well, I was warned that blood is thicker than mud and it has proven to be the case. At any rate, I cant help but feel that anyone who buys her spin is dumber than a sack of hammers. There are a few courageous souls that have seen the truth and have told her so. One very good friend of hers pointed out that just over a year ago, WW stood up at her wedding reception and made the toast about her friend and new husband being able to experience the joy, love and happiness that WW has with me. Completely contradictory to the spin she is now putting out. Her friend told her that either she was lying then or is lying now and that it is likely that she is lying now. Her and several other friends have told WW that they will never accept OM. Sorry to hijack, that was not my intent, but it just seems like our stories are so similar. Anyway, I know we will survive and be better for it. Even if the mb concepts didnt work for us in terms of restoring our marriages, there will be a couple of lucky girls in our futures that will benefit from the knowledge we have gained.

God Bless!

Hey Tex,

Yes, I've read some of your posts before and our sitch's sure are very similar.
Well, I got some advice from another MB'er who used to be a very active poster on the board. He also did plan A, plan B, but now is in the process of D.\
His WW is totally lost, just like ours. I guess I'll follow his advice and just cut loose from her and won't let her abuse me any longer.
This is what he said: now the time has come to care for yourself, because WW for sure is NOT caring for you anymore. Makes sense.

Take care

Dutchboy,

I'm fairly new to the boards this time around, was here about 3 years ago as well... same partner, 'cept this time we're actually married. Sigh...

I am right there with you and the encouragement I can offer is the encouragement I've received myself; you are young and you have a great heart, its just a matter of reclaiming it. You've give everything of yourself to your W, and now you just have to pick up the pieces; once you pick up the pieces, I have faith that God will help put them back together and make that heart even stronger after time.
<<<<Dutchboy74>>>> I would never wish this on anyone (although I'm still feeling a little vindictive towards OW... wouldn't mind if she felt a little bit of this pain).

Now its time to focus on you. Well wishes.

Shannon