My FHs daughter (12) is making threats to move in with her mom. She's done this for over a year when the subject of us getting married comes up. He has still not made it clear to her that we ARE getting married. He only tells her we MAY be and the wedding is 5 months from now!!!!

FH does not want her to move and she knows that he'll do anything to keep from doing it. I'm worried he will postpone the wedding date AGAIN (4th time) to make her happy, but it only prolongs the inevitable. We'll never be able to get married if he allows her to make these threats.

They don't communicate and I've tried to get them to. I want to talk to her to explain that being selfish and only thinking of herself is not fair to her dad's happiness (or mine, but she won't care about that), and I can do that in a way that may not upset her. I'm hopeful it'll work, if I do it. Her dad won't tell her that. No one will, they've ALL always catered to her and it's all she's known. She's so isolated from everyone. She hardly spends any time outside of her room.

How do we get her to understand that other people have to be considered sometimes? Or do I leave him knowing that we'll never have a future? I don't want to give in to her and her "win" again like she always does. The sooner she sees that everything doesn't always go her way, the better person she may turn out to be.

While you are correct in what you are assuming, you really don' thave a lot of say in it. You aren't yet a parent, or a step parent. If the child is "spoiled/catered", then rational discourse has about a zeron chance of success. That's no different than trying to argue somebody into a different point of view.

On the other hand, since your H isn't willing to address this issue head on, you could probably take it as a sign of how other conflict in your relationship will be handled.

And that may be a serious concern. It certainly would be a major warning flagfor me. (3 postponements notwithstanding).