ive been married for 7 yrs now. with one kid. i was the onw who introduced online chat to my hubby about 3 yrs ago. at first i spend all my time in the net, but then i grew tired of it. but when my hubby catched on. he stayed on he net from d moment he wakes up till wee hours n d morning. it went on like this 4 2 yrs now. he doesnt have a regular job. hes a freelance broker so he does his business at home. in d course of 3 yrs in chatting we already met a lot of frends, we usually hang out in our place. and the frends we met had been a part of my family.
i often see my hubby flirting with gurls, at first it didnt bother me, but then she met this gurl. shes married with 3 kids and lives abroad. she offred my husband a job. my hubby was very eager to get a real job so he agreed to go to hongkong. what i didnt know is that my hubby started flirting with her (his reason is that he wanted to get d job very badly), then when he finally went there, my worst fear happend. after 4 days in hongkong, they started having sex. and day five and day 6....on day 7 we found out that there was never really a job waiting for my husband. it was all a scam. and the worst thing is that d gurl told me herself that something happened between them. it was all a set up.
i believe that my hubby didnt know about d job, he was a victim too. d gurl definitely cracked up. it turns out that the same thing happened to her current hubby.
now that my husband returnd fr hongkong, (he was there for only a week).
im so devastated, my husband is a good man, i understand his reasons for risking going to HK just to get a job for our family. but i know thats doesnt justify what he did.
now he says he wants to start over, pls help me, i dont know what to do.... should i give him another chance???

another thing he also admitted to flirting with other gurls on the net, i made him confess to every infidelity he had n d course of our marriage.

pls help me!!!!

Hi XX,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry for the reason you find yourself here, but it's an invaluable site.


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i dont know what to do.... should i give him another chance???



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You shouldn't really make any huge decisions at this very emotional time. Give yourself at least six months to work on the marriage. You can keep extending this time frame until you think your marriage is well on its way to being recovered. You can give up on your marriage at any time but you'll probably only have this one chance to try to recover it.

Have you read about the concepts? You'll need to read up on the four principles of a good marriage and how to establish healthy boundaries in your relationship. Have you found a good pro-marriage counsellor?

It sounds like you have a lot of compassion for each other. That makes me feel very optimistic about your chances of recovering your marriage.

Try posting your story over on General Questions II. There's a lot more traffic over there. Weekends are slow, though, so you may not get much of a response until Monday.

Godspeed,
Nat

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M 10 years
D-Day Dec 7/02
two children: 8 and 5
BS (Me) 40
WS 37