Is it common for a spouse to be pretty despondent? My FWH is really having a bad day today....woke up and he was immediately in a mood, nothing I can do to change it. Just talked to him on the phone, and he's really irritable, I asked him if he cared if one DD went to stay the night with a friend and if the youngest one could have someone over to spend the night, the reply I got was "I don't care, I don't know what I'm doing tonight" That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, he's basically thinking of making plans to do something without me, and although I believe that we do need time apart on occasion, I don't like it at all. It makes me very nervous.

I don't know what to do for him, I don't know if this is just a test to see how I'll react. I don't know if I should let my DD plan on having someone over, I don't know if maybe I should make plans of my own if he's making plans....this is awful.....I prayed for recovery for so long, and a few times I've had angry outbursts but for the most part I've been very amicable. I still feel very betrayed and very hurt, but he's in no position to help me, he's barely functioning himself.

We stay in contact all day long, I've never had a problem with knowing where he was or what he was doing, but I don't trust him any farther than I can throw him....when does the trust return?? He's not really doing anything to earn it, but then again he's going through withdrawl. We're only 1 month into this, am I just expecting too much too fast??

I feel like I've jumped right out of the frying pan into the fire, and although I love my husband, I'm not entirely sure that's who I'm with.....he looks like my husband, but seems more like the shell of my husband with all the feelings extracted, it makes me want to cry.

Is it common to feel like you're back in plan A during the beginning of recovery???? That's what it feels like to me. I almost don't want him to come home tonight, I don't want to deal with his mood, it's like I can't do anything right, everything I do seems like an invasion. I don't feel like this is "our" house, I feel like it's his house, and I'm just visiting.......I don't have a home. I haven't had one since about a year. The place I live isn't necessarily my home. My apartment wasn't home.....it was a house, but not home. I thought this would be home, but I'm not so sure.....I feel like throwing in the towel, then I remind myself that I've only just started.....does it get better?? I don't know what to think, how to feel.

-Caren <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Kinda scary and disappointing, isn't it Caren? I mean, you finally get what you want so bad, what you've dreamed of for some time, what you've fantacized about and it just doesn't seem to be happening like you thought...like you'd hoped.

He's probably going through withdrawal, dealing with his own guilt, & probably having some second thoughts as to whether or not this is fixable. I know my H did but he hid it rather well. He wasn't so much despondent as he was distant or at least it felt that way to me. I missed the spontaneity between us, the affectionate hugs, squeezes and pats, the endearing pet names. It DOES return Caren. It DOES!!

Any chance the two of you can take some time away together? I don't care if it's only for a weekend (hopefully alittle longer!) Or even if it's not away,,just some time alone without kids and work. Some "just the two of us" time. It helps.

Plan a project together. Something you can plan, discuss, shop for and work on together. A team deal. We built a fish pond in our backyard. It gives you something to talk about that is totally unrelated to affairs. And a real sense of accomplishment when it's finished,,a "Look at what WE can do TOGETHER" feeling!!

Just a couple of suggestions for you Caren. It gets better....it really does... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Caren,

"pretty despondent"?? Is he (or you) taking any antidepressent? Couldn't hurt.

It's very hard when you are the betrayed and the betrayer is the sulky, (childish?) a-hole. He should be schmoozing you if he is truly remorsefull and totally committing to recovery and rebuilding.

If he isn't remorseful, and acts like he is under house arrest, maybe is ultimatum time. Either fish or get out of the kitchen.

Life is way, way to short.

Hopefully BPure will sign in since this was addressed to him.

Stay strong!!

k

When you got back together were there stipulations, like you'd go for marital counseling, you'd POJA (meaning he wouldn't make plans without consulting you), accountability, 15 hours a week spent together?

One very good thing about counseling is that it does give you a place once a week to talk about the relationship so that during the week you know that you will have a chance to talk about the things that bother you or the things you'd like to see improve and there is a mediator there to keep you both on task.

You say he isn't doing anything to earn your trust...then it is no wonder that you don't find him trustworthy. What is it you want him to do to earn your trust? Are there specifics beyond keeping in touch that would help?

And...sometimes a bad mood is just a bad mood, even for a WS. Change can be hard work, and so can resisting temptation.

Nerly has some good ideas for you. Fun & something planned & done together.

Caren,

To add to Lor's post, you need to realize that the WS has to change and not just once. For him to really be home, he has to change from a Ws to an Xws to your H. To ask him about general family stuff too much c/b more than he can handle. Remember he is going through various stages of withdrawal as will you but usually at different times. When he is feeling better you may feel down because you need to have reassurance probably more than a new xWs can give. So you will need to know that you both will have up and down times.

Figure out what you will do during his down times. Example:

BS: Is it ok for son to go to .....?

WS: I don't know.

BS: Oh, u ok?

WS: YES....

BS: Oh I see you aren't, ok well I'll figure it out later. Sorry for the bother.

WS: U weren't bothering me.

BS: Oh, ok. Bye.

At this point the WS could go silent. Let him. He needs time to ponder. WSH's take longer to digest emotional issues and withdrawal is a big one.

You need to exercise lots of patience. Pray for that clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. Plan A but be smart about it.

Treat him like he is recovering from surgery, he needs to keep working at himself but not take on all responsibilities yet. Little steps at a time. You will get your share of his recovery if you allow him time to heal. He will then be in a better position to help you recover later.

JMHO,
L.

Hi Caren ! Not sure if I can add much to the wise advice you already got but I'll try.

Plan A & withdrawal just seemed to segue into early recovery without any heralding for us.

Squid was very angry during withdrawal. Angry at me, angry at Herself, angry at the kids, angry at God, life, Tesco, England, McDonalds..everything.

Now I think depression can be described as being "anger without enthusiasm" sometimes. The anger dissipates as its hard to keep up for a long time, so FWS are left with their heads in a mess, no passion for their anger anymore , still lingering obsession/addiction Jonesing for the OP so they're start veering between angry and depressed.

As withdrawal progressed and my continuing plan A type'lighthouse'behaviour had more effect, Squid began to have the occasional day where she seeemd to 'forget' she was supposed to not love me, be pissed and angry. Next day she'd be mean again , or sad.

Honestly Caren, this changes over time with the consistency of your efforts as a lighthouse.

FWS need to feel safe again so they can drop the defences including anger and justification. Friend RIF taught me this with support from Orchid.

Theres no substitute for time and consistency from the FBS. Three months or so of total NC and Squid was much happier and starting to work eagerly on recovery. Now, seven months in, she is loving, appreciative, working hard on recovery , thankful and the angry/depressed Squid hasn;t reappeard for a long long time. I could barely ask for more from her right now.

And , U don't wanna hear this, its still down to YOU as the rational one to be stronger for longer. Sorry hon'.

You have sand and the plan, so you can do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Keep your taker locked up a while longer and make sure you get respite from the misery - spend time with friends and live an active life. Soon your FWH will ask to join you.

The time to heal YOU can only come once theres a stable platform between you. If your H is like Squid he is plain incapable of helping you now. But he WILL sooner than you think if you keep up your 'plan a style' lighthouse behaviour.

BTW don;t forget your peronal boundaries. This is not a time to let them slip.

This is a marathon not a sprint.

Just my experience Caren I hope it helps.

all blessings.

Hi Caren! I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering what was going on, then I see your thread! I am happy to hear you and your FWH are back together again. Wow, one month. Yeah, you are still very early into all this. You both still have lots of work ahead of you.

You have gotten great advice, and I don't have anything to add. Thankfully, my FWH's withdrawal all happened while we were still separated, so by the time he came home, he was actively working on our M recovery.

I did want to touch on what Lor wrote, though. I honestly don't know HOW my H and I could have sorted out all the mess we had, if we hadn't gone to MC. I think we would have still done it, but I think it would have taken 3 years, rather than 1 year. MC can REALLY speed up the process. First, because you can learn better communication skills, which speeds the whole "processing" period up. Second, because you each have a safe place, once a week, to let out whatever you need to let out, without damaging yourself or your partner. Some pretty ugly stuff comes out, let me tell you!

I know you don't have a lot of money, and that is an issue. However, you also seem to be pretty good as sniffing out local aid programs, so look into that ~ it would definately be worth your while.

A couple other things that might help, is for you to begin reading the Recovery sections of all those A books! "Torn Assunder" has helped me immensely. "Surviving an Affair" has a Recovery section, as does "NOT Just Friends." All these can be checked out from your local library. Another part of the recovery process I am beginning to feel is important is to understand the "why" of the A. For that, you will need to establish what both you and your H's top 5 EN's are, from "His Needs, Her Needs."

This will all be a bit down the line for your H, Caren. It is as Orchid says, he is in his "cave" right now (another good book to understand the way men process different than women "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"), trying to figure it all out. That being said, perhaps it would be best to tell your kids that friend sleepovers should all be postponed for a month or so, at the house. I like the way Orchid put it ~ treat him like he is sick, be kind.

Sometimes when I felt overwhelmed by the recovery process, I would go get in the bath tub, with an A book open to the Recovery process, and read about how "normal" I was, and my H was, in our process.

HUGS to you, sweetie.

Spidey

Caren said:

Don't try to change his mood. That usually put's YOU in a bad mood.

Ever notice how depression or irritability can seem like a contageous virus? It starts with one family member, and if you get close to that person, YOU catch their mood !

Here's a health tip Caren .... you can wash your hands after being with a person infected with a virus ... and not touch you nose, eyes, or mouth .... and the virus is much less likely to cause you illness.

A mood washing is also possible when exposed to someone carrying a contageous *poopy-head* virus ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You ask you H this:

"You seem out of sorts right now. Is there anything I can do to help?

If he says "NO !" (even if it's a rude-sounding no)

... you say

"OK. I'll be around if you change your mind. Just ask me if you need or want anything."

Then get out of the room and go do a ~ mood wash ~ (a pattent-pending Pepper-ism).

Lather your mood with lots of whistling, humming, some sassy dance steps .... and wash his mood off of your soul .... and be happy that you were good enough to ask if you could help, and smart enough to take "NO !" for an answer.

It really REALLY really REALLY works !

I guarantee.... because all you are doing is controlling your own mood, not his. And ~this~ is a really good thing to learn how to do in a marriage.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I love this site, the advice is always so great, and I always feel better having gotten some of it off my chest.

BTW Pep...LMAO @ Queenus envy.

Thank you to everyone for worrying about me during my absence, I missed you all. Recovery isn't boring, but it lacks the drama of my previous situation, so a lot of the time I'm just sparing you guys the incredibly boring details of my life...lol.

I know that you'll all be shocked, but I am steering VERY clear of the drama these days.....the very last thing in the world I need is fireworks at this juncture, things are far to fragile for that.

I am putting EVERYTHING I've got into making this marriage a success, and there is a strange by-product that I've realized. I'm so much stronger for having been through this. I feel sure that I can take just about anything life has to throw at me. Little problems that used to bother me pale in comparison to what I've been through. I'd like to say that I'd never go through this again, but I would.....if by some chance my FWH broke NC and started up with OW again I would roll into plan B like it was my job. There's a certain amount of hardness to my heart now. I'm every bit as scared about all of this as my FWH could possibly be.....I keep thinking "Oh my lord, if this is the way our relationship is going to be, what on earth am I doing here?" "Is this what I've been fighting for? A man that can barely function, and is so depressed he doesn't know which way is up?" But now the desperation I felt for so long is gone. I don't feel desperate anymore, just determined. But I know that I can stand on my own two feet, I know I can make it no matter what. I know that God never closes a door without opening a window.

So, I'll keep you guys posted, I'll come here and rant and rave about the injustice of it all, instead of taking it out on my FWH, and I'm sure that I'll eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you for keeping me strong, I hope that I can return the favor and help out a few newbies around here.

-Caren

Caren, you're doing just fine.

The great "K" once told me that the first six months of recovery is harder than ending the A because of the lack of drama, adrenaline and an obvious objective.

Its all true I have found. I need to write up my findings through recovery. I may be able to kick off a resource that may help folks.

Well Pep I had the opportunity to use your *mood* theory, and it worked great LOL!!!!

My FWH called me, we were talking about my drive home from picking the kids up at school, on the way home they had the main road blocked so I had to drive crazy far out of my way to get here and I was telling him about it, mainly so he'd have a head's up when he was coming home, and I could tell when I was telling him about it, that he was really irritable....then he asked about dinner, I gave him his choices and he started saying "I thought we bought enough for the week" I said "We did, we have already eaten 3 meals out of what we bought and I have 4 more to cook...." He said "Oh..." Then he said "$hit, we don't have any pop or anything do we?" I said "I borrowed 10 dollars and bought some" He said "Man this is crap, when we were split up I was never broke, but you always were...now we both are" I said "Well, I get paid on Friday" He started going on and on about how he was never broke, I said "You told me you didn't have any money a few times" He said "Yeah, but I was just telling you that because I didn't want to spend it" I said "Oh okay" Then he was STILL going on about it and I said "I know what you spent your money on this week...but I don't know what you spent it on last week" and he said "The money I spent THIS week was part of last week!!!" I said "Oh, alright.....but don't you make...."(He interrupted me)and he said "I make less than I used to CAREN!" Then he proceeded to take the phone away from his ear and bang the receiver on something, then he got back on the phone and said "Okay...I gotta go" I said "Okay Bye" and hung up. Wasn't that the sweetest conversation...SHEESH!!!!!!!!

So, I waited for about 20 minutes and I called him back and I said "Hi, I'm sorry that you're upset, is there anything I can do?" (He sounded a lot nicer) and said "No, not really, I don't know what you could do" I said "Okay, I just thought I'd offer" and then we continued to have a decent conversation and he has called me 2 more times since then.....he hasn't apologized, and if he had been snotty I was going to tell him, in no uncertain terms that I would appreciate it if he was more respectful when he talks to me, but since I'm sure he figured out that he was being unreasonable and stopped doing it, I didn't want to start the fight again, so I just let it go.

He keeps telling me that I don't look the same as I did when I would see him when we were separated....I seriously don't know what he's talking about....I did my make up and all that last night before he came home and I said "Is this better...?" He said "Yeah, I don't know, maybe it's the hair too" (My hair is naturally curly, I rarely do anything with it except leave it curly because it doesn't want to do anything else for me...and I didn't do anything special with it very often when we were separated). Then he said "You have to get that fragrance you wore when we were separated" (I bought J-Lo Still with money he gave me for Christmas and I've been wearing it ever since and he has now decided that he doesn't like it). I remembered borrowing my friends *Clinique - Happy Heart* once when he came over, and he did comment that he liked it, so I traded my friend my partial bottle of *Still* for her partial bottle of *Happy Heart* today.

So basically I changed all the things he wasn't happy with before the *A*. So he basically wants me to keep the house spotlessly clean even when I work a 12 hour day, cook dinner (same deal, even if I work), make sure all his laundry is done at all times, pay the bills, give him SF at least every other day...most times everyday, sometimes twice a day, and look like a fricken supermodel when he get's home.

What do I ask of him....Hmmmmmmm....I dunno, he can't even be civil.


***Sorry, I had to let my taker out here...or I'd let it out for real <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
-Caren

nice ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


it doesn't matter

you are not trying to get him to apologize .... just wait Caren .... you are only starting to learn this trick, just wait !


May I suggest an alternative approach to his continued snottyness on those BAD days?

Here it is:

IGNORE his snot except to say;

"I can tell this is a bad time to talk. Let's talk later. Gotta go. "

Then go .... NO lecture "in no uncertain terms" .... you must save that for when YOU are unemotional.

Get it?

YOU determine where and when serious discussions are to take place ... and you make sure you do this when things are alligned in your favor !

Ta Da !

Control your mood Caren.

Choose your battles Caren.

And never start a battle without a plan.

Plan your approach with a calm mind, not an emotional one.

If you find yourself cornered like a cat faced with a pit bull .... take your leave .... say "I need time to think about this before I answer, because I care very much about you and the issue at hand."

That's the secret to success.... and now you are a part of the secret sister-hood society Caren.... next you get to learn the secret handshake and wear a feathered head-dress and dance under the full moon.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So, flexing your self-control muscles is your homework this week. No cheating.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LOL Pep....so I did good?

I thought about saying the "Be respectful" thing, but I'm glad I didn't say it.....you're right!!!

I guess it's true, you DO attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Wooo Hooo can't wait to learn the secret handshake LMAO

BTW, LMAO @ Queenus Envy.

-Caren

Caren.....

This may be pushing the Mush Meter (I just made that up) a little, but life's too short not to say what's on your mind... so allow me...

Last night I read this post of yours:


and, it was late, and I was really tired, and I had a really lousy day... but what you had to say... it made me smile. Not just for a second or two... I couldn't get rid of it if I tried! (and I didn't try)

I just wanted to say "thanks" for that. You've heard it before, but who cares, I'll say it again... you're an inspiration to a lot of people -- and I'm right up there at the top of the list.

I know you're still going through a lot of hurt and pain and confusion. Not being very good at this MB stuff, I wouldn't even attempt to give you "advice." But, what I CAN do, along with approximately 52 million other people, is wish you The Best of Everything -- you SOOOO deserve it. Be yourself, and you're gonna get it, one way or the other!

ps. We never made it out to Idaho, though... THAT kinda bothers me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now, is this dancing done nekked, or, do we need to purchase a special outfit? I'm gonna have to get with this program, so I don't miss the cool night parties! I hope that kind of thing isn't illegal in Idaho . . . .

Good job, Caren. Just take it one day at a time, one phone call at a time ~ one dinner at a time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If I lived over by you, I'd come over and get you 3 or 4 meals cooked up, all ready for reheating after your long day at work. And I would serve you an ice-cold soda, on the rocks, and put your feet up in the air on pillows. AND, I would give you the remote, so you could watch whatever you wanted on TV. Or, like I sometimes do, just stare at the blank screen in a vegetative state.

Then, I'd serve you your dinner on the couch, in front of the TV. And get you free refills on your drink! And I would clear the dishes when you were done. At this time, I will feed the children (and possibly your FWH if he is grouchy) in the other room, far away from the oasis of rest created just for you, Caren.

We all love you and support you. Keep coming here to vent. And hang in there! Remember, marathon, not sprint ~ journey, not destination.

Spidey

Tqt-

Glad that my story made you smile. I don't feel very inspirational most of the time, but I am working my butt off...LOL. So when are we going to Idaho?? LOL

Spidey-

I don't even think I could be catered to...LOL, I've got this guilt thing whenever anyone does anything for me....but it did sound nice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This recovery thing sure has it's ups and downs...I prefer the ups, but the downs are getting better.

On Sunday, FWH woke up in a bad mood....sorta restless. I said "What do you want for dinner?" Gave him his options, and he said "I don't care, I'm not coming straight home after work." I said "Oh, okay." My DD10 said "WHAT!? Where are you going?" He said "I dunno, I'm just gonna run around" I didn't say anything about it, but got the old familiar feeling of dread. He looked at me and said "I don't want to fall back into never doing anything, like before." I said "That's fine, I never stopped you from doing anything before." (He has had this thing for years where he blames me for him not talking to his friends....I always tell him that it was never me, and he says "Well I had to so I wouldn't get into trouble".....and yet somehow it's still my fault). So he left for work, and he called me about a 1/2 hour later and said "Can you bring me up the hose to drain the fish tank?" I said "Sure, you gonna go clean your Mom's tank?" He said "Yeah". LMAO....wow, what an exciting thing to do. I was all worried for nothing. I don't give a crap if he goes to his Moms....LMAO. My daughter called her Grandma (His Mom) about 2 hours after he got off of work to ask him something, and they said he'd just left, so I know that he was telling the truth and I didn't even have to snoop...LOL.

We had a lot of good days last week, days where he seemed more like my husband. One of the nights we were in bed and I said "Good night honey" he said "Goonight, I love you" I said "I love you too" before I even thought about it...then I rolled over and smiled to myself and thanked God for that little gift.

I pray everyday for God to soften my husbands heart to me....and God is listening. My FWH does balk at it all sometimes and is back to his alienated ways, but those times are getting fewer, I think it's actually becoming an effort not to fall back in love with me (because falling back in love with me would mean he was wrong). I think he is fighting it, he really has to look for things to get mad at me about, it's actually kind of amusing to see him grasping at straws, and here I am, not getting upset, when he appears to need space, I go to him, ask him if there's anything I can do to help, he always declines, and then I say "Okay, I'm here if you need me" and leave him to himself, and that seems to do the trick most times, he comes around pretty quickly.

I am trying something different. During this entire ordeal, plan Aing and all that, I've been the agressor where SF is concerned. I have been making the first move, well SF has been sorta antiseptic if you asked me....he doesn't even seem to want to kiss me. I mean he isn't being *selfish* as far as satisfying me, but it's not very romantic...does that make sense? I don't feel like we're making love.....it feels like just sex. I don't avoid it because of this, but I have to admit, it leaves me feeling a little empty. So I'm trying NOT being the agressor...just backing off. Still being loving, but not throwing myself at him....waiting for him to approach me....I don't know how it's gonna work, but I guess we'll find out.

So far in the recovery process...or whatever the heck I'm in, it feels like it's the shell of my marriage. We're still the same people (although he likes to think he's different now....and not for the better)still doing pretty much the same things we always did, but there's some sort of barrier between us, there's really no intimacy to speak of.

It's really weird, but it's as if HE is scared the I will hurt HIM. I find that odd since he's the one who had the A not me. I don't know if he's afraid I'll retaliate or what. I can't get my head around it. He's very guarded. Maybe it all stems from the whole "Relationship too damaged to repair" thing, he's never said that he feels it's too far gone, but I get the feeling he thinks that.

I avoid relationship discussion with him, because it's the verbal equivalent of beating my head against a brick wall, he immediately reverts back to pre-reconcilation thinking and stonewalls me.

On the few occasions when we have had R talks, it does appear, after a short time to process what I've said, that he softens his stance a bit....but during the talk he's brutal....he says things like "I don't know if it's going to work out, I'm different now" and things like he doesn't feel like his seeing the OW was an affair because we were separated. And it ALWAYS comes back to how it's MY fault, he feels blameless, like he had no contribution in the state our marriage was in pre-affair. He blames me because of the times I've left him in the past, he says he never got over it (COMPLETE BULL$HIT and rationalizing).....that was like 7 fricken years ago, and it was NEVER over another man, I was depressed, and once I got on meds, I realized it was never him that was making me unhappy, as I thought.

I KNOW I've hurt him, I know that......but he's hurt me too. I am so tempted to say that he has done far worse to me, but I think that may just be my taker talking, I think it only seems worse because it is ME.

So anyway, I have nothing conclusive to say, just throwing down my thoughts. It helps me sort of get my head around the situation I find myself in.

Keeping my nose to the grindstone,

-Caren

Hi Caren:

Almost two years in recovery, my FWH continues to show evidence of foggy thinking. It is very seldom. However, her influence on him remains. I try to learn from these moments.

The point is that you are very early in this and it is a long, hard road.

I found that during the early stages, when my FWH was going through withdrawal, he did not have a high sex drive. Sex was a trigger for him, I think. Not necessarily thinking of her but I think it made him feel bad about himself, ashamed. He wanted to focus on doing family things like your FWH... He wanted to learn, he said how to be "normal" again, how to lead a "normal" life, after so much deception.

TIME AND PATIENCE, Caren.....

Hey there

BTDT, recovery was a long process for us...now almost 2 years into it....I'm happier than before

Read over the 4 Rules of Marital Recovery

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

I had to ask FWH how he was going to fulfill these four rules, and asked him how he wanted me to fulfill them too...

Caren, it sounds like you ARE working your butt off!
If you need a break, I was thinking that if we left for Idaho now, we could be sitting in Spidey's front yard when they get back from their trip -- wouldn't THAT be fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Let me know... in the meantime, keep up the good work <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you Mimi, I have been waiting on your input <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I really do value your opinion, especially where recovery is concerned. FWH and I actually had SF this AM, but he initiated....it's hard for me to switch gears...when I was in Plan A I was attacking him every time I saw him, now that I'm living with him...therefore seeing him all the time, my mind is still in the *Must Attack* mode, and I'm having to correct that. I will have to say, with waiting for him to initiate and since it had been a few days since the last SF it was MUCH better, I think he was having SF out of some kind of obligation....I don't want that.

Thank you for the link Still, I will definitely read up on it.

tqt, a trip to Idaho would be sweet....I think that my FWH would object though...LOL!!! (Never thought I'd say I wanted to go to Idaho...LMAO)

Today has been 1/2 way decent, FWH is acting like himself today (for the time being). As I said before he's really having to *dig* for things to be mad at me about.

He's sorta having a tough time at the moment, his Grandmother is in the hospital, and his oldest son is in drug rehab (Long story). I typed a letter to him for my FWH today. He basically dictated it and I typed...good thing I type 80 wpm!!! When I read it back to him, and waited for him to start talking again....he was quiet for a long time, I turned around from the computer and noticed that he was crying, I got up and walked over to him and gave him a hug. I didn't say anything....I try not to tell him or anyone else that everything will be *Ok* anymore...that used to be my thing, I'd tell FWH everything would be okay....that I would fix whatever it was that was wrong....I've since found out that, oddly enough, I'm not a superhero, and that I can't be responsible for everyone's personal happiness.....so I left it at the hug, and he seemed okay after that. He knows that he can rely on me for that sort of thing, I'm the moral support machine...LOL!!!

Okay well, I'm at my Mom's house, just printed the afore mentioned letter (I'm out of printer ink) and I need to get home and start dinner.....just wanted to stop in here.

Have a great day all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren