There hasn't been anything really new going on with my situation for quite a few months now. That's part of the reason why I haven't posted any updates for awhile...

WW had tried to call me yesterday, wanted me to call her back. I didn't and don't have any plans to. She did also send me an email. Saying that she hoped I got her voice message and that I was just probably "ignoring her." She was asking about me signing over the car to her again, which I already told her I would do, as it's in my name and in my best interests to get rid of that as a liability.

But of course that wasn't the only thing in the email, she asked a whole lot of questions about how things are going in my life, about my parents family etc. Says she still thinks about me etc..

My reply was just going to be, "Send me the paperwork for the car and I'll sign it over. As far as the rest, I would ask that you please reread the letter I had previously sent you.

(That would be my plan B letter.)

And just leave it at that.

Good. Thats exactly what you should have done. How are you doing now? I used to read your posts and wondered how you were doing.

Very disciplined of you. Did your plan B letter indicate that email messages are OK as long as they pertain to financial matters?

I know you've been a this a while, why havn't you dealt with the car issue already? That would remove one more thing that she could use as an excuse to contact you.

Do you have a time frame in mind for the length of your plan B?

Shelly,
Thanks for the support <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am doing much better, WAY better than when I first started Plan B. I still deal with the regrets, and the things that go along with that, but I feel somewhat of a future, whereas before I felt no such thing at all. I think that was the worst place to be in anyone's life.

Binder,
Thank you as well. I like the term, disciplined. Mostly I do it for protection, so I am not sucked back into drama. It took way too long to get out of that, and it was doing me no good whatsoever. While I didn't mention that email was ok, I did mention that things that pertain to financial matters were alright. That didn't include the laundry list of personal things she asked me in the email. That's why I want to remind her of the letter.
I had offered many times to deal with the car issue, she just never acted on it. Yeah, I'm thinking it's an excuse to contact me periodically too.

Time frame. In total, at the most, 2 yrs from out initial seperation. Which would be Nov 05. I think we will be going to Plan D before that though.

Why do you think It will go to divorce prior?

I'll have to read this tomorrow, too late....bed.....now.

I think it will go to divorce prior, because I've just about had my fill. I think I've taken enough that I can stand and I'm not going to continue this much longer.

TTSi,

I know not your saga, but I know the drama of which you speak.

Glad you are out of that drama and can look back at it and see it for what it was. Some people MUST have or make drama in their lives to exist.

As you separate yourself from that drama, you see the big picture and the big D is not as horrible as it seemed.

But, of course, what do I know?

k

Krusht,
I think you know plenty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think the hardest part is knowing I will always love her, but yet can not have a life with her any longer. I'll have to carry that with me forever. The rest of the issues of divorce are cake compared to that.

So what did I get for a reply?
Just that she'd send me the paperwork for the car, and that she was just trying to be nice and see how I was doing and that I didn't need to be rude...

You are such a [censored], TTSi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

She doesn't really want to know how you're doing! What a big faker.

TTSi, do you feel sorry for her?

GC

Yeah, I do feel sorry for her, in the choices that she had made. That she doesn't yet see/understand the pain it will cause her one day.

I was just really shocked that she thought I was rude... then WTF would her own behavior be called?

TTSi - Although it is little consolation, we both know what our WW's will go through one day. The reality of it all will hit them like a ton of bricks. Unfortunately, that experience may occur far too late. We will be, to quote an 80's song, "...running the other way..."

And to answer your question, in the real world, her actions would indeed be considered rude, at the minimum. But in the fog world, it is completely justified, they are just a poor victim of their awful, uncaring, evil spouses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

TM

Right you are TM.
Although my WW is a bit different, as A LOT of her behavior is the result of a mental disorder.
I know that doesn't excuse anything at all, but it does force me to look at it differently. I think that causes me quite a lot of sadness. Knowing that someone you love engages in such self-destuctive behavior, at least partially cause by a disorder, that maybe I could have done something about if I had took it more seriously than I thought it was..

BTW, where in TX are you? I moved back here last summer. Just curious.

Hey TTSi,

Glad to hear from you......computer has been on the fritz, but was working today. I was scrolling and came across your thread.

I think you had the car thing okay....not rude, but matter of fact. Sounds as if WS was "fishing" trying to engage you in a conversation. It is a shame that she has not realized the reality of her actions....much pain and remorse will be part of her future.

As for you...I am glad to hear you are okay....you sound calm as if you are coming to peace. I can understand your feelings about bringing this chapter to a possible close...you are have given it your best.....glad you are well and are you still going to the gym? Thanks for the update. God be with you TTSi, on this journey. ss

TTSi,

Good to see you're doing well and continuing with Plan B. When is your wife due (or has she had the baby yet)?

Take care of yourself...

SS,
Havn't seen your for quite awhile! Thank for stopping by.
One thing I did find out from all this car stuff, is that WW no longer has an apartment, she and OM now live with his mother... Guy's 40 yrs old and can't even support himself, as before, he was living with his grandmother. Can we say Loser with a capital L? It's kinda funny, I was talking with my FIL awhile back, and mentioned that I would bet they would end up moving in with his mother. I sure can call em!

I am somewhat at peace. At least moreso than before. Still going through a lot of guilt, remorse, and grieving for sure.
Yep, still going to the gym. I'm up at 215lbs now. It's going to take a good 6-8 months to get back to where I was. But that ain't bad, considering it took me 3 yrs to get to where I once was.


K,
Been a long time!
She did have her baby back in October. She has never mentioned it once to me, oddly enough. Probably because it will remind her of her choices. Inlaws and I talk about it ever now and then.

Finally got the computer line back up to running...whew....

Funny how WS contacts you and does not mention the baby...if you spoke to WS in Plan B..conversation would go like..."oh, I am okay..moving on, working out...what's new with you?"....

Question: TTSi, you are a very sensible person. I can understand the grieving and remorse...but I am wondering the nature of the guilt? That thought has stuck in my brain. I know I am processing alot of emotions as a BS, but I was just wondering how guilt fit in? Care to elaborate?

Anyway...good that you are working out...I am also and I have never done this in my life....one of the good things that came out of the darkness. Take care.

SS,
For me, my guilt I think is more specific to my situation. (well, except for others dealing with a mentally ill spouse)

I feel guilt because, I always knew she had a mental problem. Even when I was much younger, I knew something was not quite right... As I got older/wiser, I learned specifically what she had, as did she. I feel that I could have taken it more seriously. Not that I didn't at all,
I guess I just wanted to believe that it wasn't that bad. I think I could have been able to have her get focused on it and got her into some intense therapy. I know that it is her own responsibility....

I always thought of her and her well being as at least partly my responsibility. Being her H and all. I know her illness played a large part in all this. Not that it in any way excuses her from her actions, but that I should have stepped up to the plate in a larger fashion.

I feel that if I had, I may not ever had been in the situation that I'm in now.

Hopefully I was able to make some sense.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TTSi....your answer does make sense and I understand the basis of your feeling now. To the best of my knowledge there is not references to mental illness and marital issues in any of the writing...but it has to be a very complex issue as in substance abuse....which is very far reaching in scope.

I have known many caring, intelligent people love others with mental illness and in the end are unable to save those people from themselves despite any and all efforts. Perhaps your situation might fall into this category.

One particular case comes to mind, where a friend's wife was a "paranoid". They were married for about 15 years. Her illness got worse...she took meds...she got better and thought she should stop taking them since she was "better." Her illness returned, and she focused her fear on her husband. Her husband and therapist begged her to continue her meds, but she left the "dream house" they built together and now lives on the streets in hiding removed from everyone.

You have many emotions as we BS's do....I understand the origin of the guilt now....you are entitled to feel what you feel....but I hope it won't last long for you because it just seems as if you could have not done more.

Anyway....good to hear from you...and keep up the good work of taking care of you. Regards, ss

(((TTSi))) Just a big hi. I have been worrying about you. GLad to hear that you are okay?