Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
A
Angi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
H Told me NC with OW 3/11. I KNOW she called 3/20. Everything has been great. he does not appear to miss her. I even asked him & said it doesn't seem normal. WELL 5/8 'his brother used his cell phone to call OW.' I did find out that he talked to her that morning (about 10 minutes total, BIL about 45 minutes). I called OW and she admitted to TMing H once in March. I knew from his phone he was missing an incoming message, he said i must have messed up the counter, He swears she didn't. It said "miss you, Please fix this." He has also admitted (after SHE told me) that he called her from work. He swears that is ALL the contact.

We seemed to be getting along SO well, during A we fought NON-STOP!

So, do you think it was NO withdrawal because he had contact, or no withdrawal because He really realized How bad her Hurt us? IS IT POSSIBLE to be with someone for 2months and NOT miss theM?

I am way to trusting!

angi


BW(me) - 28 H 28 - (OW - 18!) D-day 3/10/05 (Happy b-day to ME & our SON!) P/E A 1/19/05 - 3/11/05 (Standing NEXT to him when he told her it was over.) DD 6.5 DS 13 months
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
Before you had posted:

“””Yes, he kept telling Kevin to hang up. They were BOTH asking me to come down. I said No. They said what if we called earlier. I told them no.

has he called you any other time?

Yes from work. He called about 4 times the day after I called him. I wasn't going to answer but I finally did. he said he was sorry for the way it ended and for you text messaging me the day before.”””

It appears, based upon what you’ve stated that she is at least being somewhat honest about the contact, so did you ask your husband why they wanted her to come down?

“””So, do you think it was NO withdrawal because he had contact, or no withdrawal because He really realized How bad he Hurt us?”””

I do believe that people can get through these situations without withdrawal for many reasons, however I don’t believe that’s the case. You know he has had contact, however limited, he has had contact. Had he realized the pain, would the drunken call and invitation been made?


Hugz, Thoughtz, & Prayerz

Bill
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
A
Angi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
I WANT to believe that this is all the contact he has had. But, to do this, I have to believe her. All I know about her is she slept with MY H knowing he was married. When I 1st asked her about it (3/10) she said they were not sleeping together. I told her H told me and she said "OH."

H & BIL BOTH adimently deny asking her to come down. He said she misunderstood "you would like this place", for them wanting her there. As mad as SIL was, I don't think BIL would have admitted it anyway. He did admit talking to her.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You are right. He will NEVER realize the pain he caused me! If he had, he never would have called her Drunk or not! I wish I could get the courage to tell him it was time to separate & not cave in when he tells me he loves me.

He sent me a test message yesterday, "I truly love you, we need to make this special love work." Saying and showing are different. I need to realize that. I KNOW i will lose our house if we separate. I hate to do that if there is a chance he really cares and won't do it again!

I make myself sick!


BW(me) - 28 H 28 - (OW - 18!) D-day 3/10/05 (Happy b-day to ME & our SON!) P/E A 1/19/05 - 3/11/05 (Standing NEXT to him when he told her it was over.) DD 6.5 DS 13 months
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813
Angi, if a WS doesn't experience withdrawal from the OP, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are still in contact. It CAN be a possibility, but not necessarily (especially for men)... Here are some threads on the topic you will find helpful:

Did any other FWS not go through withdrawal?
Do all WH's experience "Withdrawal Phase" from OW?

Hope it helps,
Suzet

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
This is my take. It depends on how they broke their A. If it just stops and Love Bank for OP still hold some units ... there should be sign of withdrawal. WS has to depleted on their own. If A stops b/c LB$ is emptied out by OP then there could be no sign of withdrawal. In your case ... WH is not xWH yet let alone H. Now what are you going to do about it ?

-rh-


Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
A
Angi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 28
While reading over these post I am was thinking of everything. He has NEVER been one to show his feelings. This was one reason I didn't realize he was SO unhappy with me during the A. I am REALLY trying to get him past this. If he was upset, he COULD be hiding it well, he does everything else. (Just like his Dad!)

we talked last night & some feeling FINALLY came out about him & I, how he feels about her what happened with her.

I reiterated that NO contact is NO contact what so ever. I don't care if the President tells him to call her he is to say he has NO idea who that is. He said he wouldn't. He didn't think it would upset me that bad if he hadn't talked to her. I said It is his word that he didn't talk to her & I don't believe him 100% yet. He said he hates to Hurt me. I told him it was way to late for that, now he needs to SHOW me love.

As for his Love bank with her. I don't know how 'full' it was. Enough for him to think he was 'in love with her' and that he said he was at the point that he didn't care if i found out.

My emotions are so Yo-Yo! I do know I LOVE him. I want this to go away, Erased from my memory! If I am going to stay, I NEED to just stop looking BACK!

thanks everyone!
-angi


BW(me) - 28 H 28 - (OW - 18!) D-day 3/10/05 (Happy b-day to ME & our SON!) P/E A 1/19/05 - 3/11/05 (Standing NEXT to him when he told her it was over.) DD 6.5 DS 13 months
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Quote
My emotions are so Yo-Yo! I do know I LOVE him. I want this to go away, Erased from my memory! If I am going to stay, I NEED to just stop looking BACK!

You need to tell him what he needs to do to help you out. It is a join effort. The more secure you feel about him the more this will become a distant memory.

-rh-


Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 218 guests, and 103 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Comfortable Shoe, Sourdine, Abela Laye, Ardent Center, Lost@1969
71,846 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5