H Told me NC with OW 3/11. I KNOW she called 3/20. Everything has been great. he does not appear to miss her. I even asked him & said it doesn't seem normal. WELL 5/8 'his brother used his cell phone to call OW.' I did find out that he talked to her that morning (about 10 minutes total, BIL about 45 minutes). I called OW and she admitted to TMing H once in March. I knew from his phone he was missing an incoming message, he said i must have messed up the counter, He swears she didn't. It said "miss you, Please fix this." He has also admitted (after SHE told me) that he called her from work. He swears that is ALL the contact.

We seemed to be getting along SO well, during A we fought NON-STOP!

So, do you think it was NO withdrawal because he had contact, or no withdrawal because He really realized How bad her Hurt us? IS IT POSSIBLE to be with someone for 2months and NOT miss theM?

I am way to trusting!

angi

Before you had posted:

“””Yes, he kept telling Kevin to hang up. They were BOTH asking me to come down. I said No. They said what if we called earlier. I told them no.

has he called you any other time?

Yes from work. He called about 4 times the day after I called him. I wasn't going to answer but I finally did. he said he was sorry for the way it ended and for you text messaging me the day before.”””

It appears, based upon what you’ve stated that she is at least being somewhat honest about the contact, so did you ask your husband why they wanted her to come down?

“””So, do you think it was NO withdrawal because he had contact, or no withdrawal because He really realized How bad he Hurt us?”””

I do believe that people can get through these situations without withdrawal for many reasons, however I don’t believe that’s the case. You know he has had contact, however limited, he has had contact. Had he realized the pain, would the drunken call and invitation been made?

I WANT to believe that this is all the contact he has had. But, to do this, I have to believe her. All I know about her is she slept with MY H knowing he was married. When I 1st asked her about it (3/10) she said they were not sleeping together. I told her H told me and she said "OH."

H & BIL BOTH adimently deny asking her to come down. He said she misunderstood "you would like this place", for them wanting her there. As mad as SIL was, I don't think BIL would have admitted it anyway. He did admit talking to her.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You are right. He will NEVER realize the pain he caused me! If he had, he never would have called her Drunk or not! I wish I could get the courage to tell him it was time to separate & not cave in when he tells me he loves me.

He sent me a test message yesterday, "I truly love you, we need to make this special love work." Saying and showing are different. I need to realize that. I KNOW i will lose our house if we separate. I hate to do that if there is a chance he really cares and won't do it again!

I make myself sick!

Angi, if a WS doesn't experience withdrawal from the OP, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are still in contact. It CAN be a possibility, but not necessarily (especially for men)... Here are some threads on the topic you will find helpful:

Did any other FWS not go through withdrawal?
Do all WH's experience "Withdrawal Phase" from OW?

Hope it helps,
Suzet

This is my take. It depends on how they broke their A. If it just stops and Love Bank for OP still hold some units ... there should be sign of withdrawal. WS has to depleted on their own. If A stops b/c LB$ is emptied out by OP then there could be no sign of withdrawal. In your case ... WH is not xWH yet let alone H. Now what are you going to do about it ?

-rh-

While reading over these post I am was thinking of everything. He has NEVER been one to show his feelings. This was one reason I didn't realize he was SO unhappy with me during the A. I am REALLY trying to get him past this. If he was upset, he COULD be hiding it well, he does everything else. (Just like his Dad!)

we talked last night & some feeling FINALLY came out about him & I, how he feels about her what happened with her.

I reiterated that NO contact is NO contact what so ever. I don't care if the President tells him to call her he is to say he has NO idea who that is. He said he wouldn't. He didn't think it would upset me that bad if he hadn't talked to her. I said It is his word that he didn't talk to her & I don't believe him 100% yet. He said he hates to Hurt me. I told him it was way to late for that, now he needs to SHOW me love.

As for his Love bank with her. I don't know how 'full' it was. Enough for him to think he was 'in love with her' and that he said he was at the point that he didn't care if i found out.

My emotions are so Yo-Yo! I do know I LOVE him. I want this to go away, Erased from my memory! If I am going to stay, I NEED to just stop looking BACK!

thanks everyone!
-angi

You need to tell him what he needs to do to help you out. It is a join effort. The more secure you feel about him the more this will become a distant memory.

-rh-