He didn't serve me in a legal manner, he served me in the manner described in Mortarman's thread entitled 'Husbands and Wives Roles'.

He has obviously been doing a bit of studying.

Lately, I have felt so seriously withdrawn from him. I have been battling feeling extremely distant and have been desperately hoping to recover some "in love" feelings, and it just wasn't happening. In fact, it seemed to be progressively getting worse.

Until today...

Every day I make a salad for Patriot and I to take to work for lunch. Today, I dropped my entire salad on the floor before I had a chance to even take a bite! Of course, I was starving today, too.

Patriot and I e-mail each other throughout the day, and I sent one off to him, complaining about dropping my salad on the floor. He replied with something like, "I'm so sorry about your salad. At least you have a McDonald's close to your salon and you can run and get one." I told him I didn't think I had time to run and get another salad, but that I had some snack-type stuff in the fridge there that I could eat.

A short time later, he walks in (looking very cute in his Army fatigues) with another salad for me from McDonald's! I was shocked, particularly since he works about 45 minutes from me! He doesn't even really have the most flexible work schedule (government, and all), so I'm not sure how he pulled that one off. I still can't believe he actually thought to drive all the way across town - just to bring me a salad when I have a McDonald's within walking distance.

When he got off work, he ran home and gathered some supplies to come and do some work at my business. He sprayed for ants, and I figured while he was doing that I would rake some leaves out back. When he saw me raking, he said "Here, you let me do that", and he finished the job for me.

I don't know how it happened, exactly, but suddenly...I felt so protected and cherished by him and I felt washed with these intense, strong feelings of love for him. I still feel it. He has done things for me in the past, but for some reason, this time, it didn't feel like he was just trying to kiss up. It felt like he was genuinely putting my needs and desires before his own - indescribable.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of Mortarman's thread and hoping that I might be able to reciprocate in some way.

What a man! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Did you tell him he was your hero?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I've always done that stuff. Always prioritised Squids needs and wants before my own. I was UTTERLY taken for granted. Maybe in a sick way her picking a wastrel OM made her appreciate my contributions? I dunno.

Good on Patriot for doing the do however ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I didn't say those exact words, but I hugged and kissed him and told him how much I love him - something I haven't done, unless it was in response to him, for quite some time. I also rewarded him in other ways. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh thank God!! You made my heart skip a beat!! Froz: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Congrats, awesome job to you both!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Awwwwwwwwwww - whoo hoooo froz!

-ds

Froz

You're becoming quite the little stinker aren't you !!!

That's something I can relate to ~LOL~

Joy is yours for the taking....

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Phew...froz, you scamp! You scared the bejeebus out of me! Be SURE to tell that man what a hero he is!

Pep,

BECOMING quite the stinker? I was under the impression that you had already bestowed me with that title!!!

I did some thread-digging to refresh your memory...



Are "stinker points" not cumulative?

Froz

Froz...

I have been following your threads because I have been feeling the same way that you have...putting in alot of work..but not feeling it yet...it has been six months...thought alot about cashing in my chips and starting over.....I have been so down lately, but realized and admitted it today that I have been in mourning.

I was feeling less anger towards FWH and even a little good about him and he has been responding....I read your post today and now I am feeling really good.....I would have fireworks go off if H brought me a salad after what happened....I would just fall over and gush.....I am so glad this happened to you and hope that many more positive EN's filling will happen for you and you like me...will allow them to come in...hard to do....I can say. I think we want to love, but our hearts will tread carefully.....
I bet today...you felt a little tingle though....keep posting your positive experiences with turnaround...they keep us inspired. Good job, Patriot and Froz <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ss

SS,

It has been six months for us, also. I haven't thought a bunch about "cashing in the chips". Probably because we are still newlyweds, so I knew what I was signing myself up for (though shock and denial helped play a part in that decision). I can certainly understand how you would feel that way.

Your mourning is certainly understandable. The grief process certainly does apply to coping with infidelity.

While we certainly have had some good moments, there is still so much...pain to deal with, work to do, learning to do, etc...

He still hasn't talked details with me. He would probably say this is due to lack of time. In response to that, I would say BS (not Betrayed Spouse). He can't tell me that he hasn't had time to do it in six months. You just have to make time for the things that are important. The truth is probably that he is just plain chicken, and doesn't want to truly face what he did.

It makes me angry when I think about how long he has waited to do this, because I suspect we might have been further along in Recovery if he had done it sooner. Also, I hate the fact that I have already done so much healing and going through that process will only rip open the scab.

I definitely know what you mean about treading carefully. Inevitably, when Patriot is acting selfishly, or just not paying attention I instinctually withdraw from him. It's like my instinct is hyper-aware, although it could just be paranoia. I don't know.

The positive experiences are nice, though. It feels nice to feel somewhat normal occassionally. It sad that dealing with all of this has almost become the norm for me now. I don't even really remember what my life was like before now. It seems like a faraway dream.

I wish many positive experiences for you, too.

Take care,

Froz