The cat that drug me out answers to the name "2Long"

Wow, DeWayne:

Okay, so there are some! That's great news. But you said "even recent events." Care 2 elaborate?

Especially if you see anything that I'm doing that clearly needs correcting, please let me know.

-ol' 2long

I'll try to respond more completely tomorrow when I have more time...but for now..don't change anything you are doing. No extra pressure, proceed towards DV, but be open to any changes on her part.

You are just like a home. You have a "welcome" mat out front, but that doesn't require you to let anyone in for any old reason.

By "recent events" I meant the sudden onslaught of friendliness and communication. By your own admission, this is new at this phase...Isn't it interesting that it started after seeing the legal rep? Could be that she's relieved that an end is coming...could also be that sunlight is starting to, very slowly, dissipate the fog...You can't force an answer to which of those two it is, you just have to continue down the road you have chosen, but be somewhat alert for real change. Overall, however, prepare yourself for the end of the marriage. Assume the worst, but don't take it(end of marriage) for granted. Once I did that, peace finally came, but by leaving the "welcome" mat out, W was able to "come back in"...

Thought this would be shorter, but I will return at least once more...

Hp:

Okay. I thought you meant recent events in your own sitch. It's ac2ally "reassuring" you were referring 2 mine.

As far as the things that are ongoing right now, I sure don't want a divorce, and maybe don't "need one" 2 end this madness, but I do believe that keeping on in the direction I'm going (toward a DV) is the right thing 2 do. Only uncertainty will be when 2 cough up the $5K 2 get the lawyer started. Tentatively, that's middle of next month at the earliest.

Also, I'm not planning on going 2 OOSP for the 4th, but will likely be in SS' neck of the proverbial woods just before that time. From there, if anything positive were 2 happen, it's a mere 3 hour drive 2 OOSP, so I could go if there were signs it might be fruitful 2 do so.

I think it's the letting go, and demonstrating that I'm doing that, that's sparked this communication while she's away. It isn't particularly unusual, though. We've both been keeping in touch with one another at least once a day while we're out of town, ever since d-day. And so it may be a bit of manipulation on her part as well.

Interestingly, I do best at letting go by not trying 2 badger her about NC. But then I worry that she'll feel like she's "winning" when I don't. ...but then, I do best at letting go if I just don't care and don't wait for her 2 do anything, positive or negative.

-ol' 2long

I don't think you need worry about RM any more. Your W is the one that says she wants to maintain the friendship. If she was willing to do NC, then there would be NC.

DeWayne suggests keeping the door open. That's what that sample mail I wrote was for. It's a nice way to say leave me alone until you are serious.

If you keep taking calls from her, all the while intending to D if she doesn't change her mind, I feel you are wasting your time.

I hate to see you keep talking to her, and keep coming back here frustrated that she doesn't get it.

So....

Do you like doing that?

Do you feel it is doing some good - or is it the same things that has been going on for three years?
That is, you state your position, she states hers, and you both feel frustrated that the other doesn't get it?

How could you break the cycle but still leave the door open.

SS

SS:

You got mail. My D doesn't want me 2 cc HF at all. Got pretty upset with me about it. And SC agrees.

I just keep trying 2 influence people and outcomes with logic and common sense, but that doesn't work in these sitches.

I don't answer the phone since the call about the quake on Sunday. Her cell phone doesn't work at her OOSP, so if she's away from the house she can't call. I'm going 2 2rn my phone off when I go home this evening (need it on for my s2dent 2 be able 2 call me until then).

Responding 2 light stuff via email is okay, doesn't bother me. If she asks about R stuff, or about the 4th, I'll tell her what I feel and plan 2 do, though.

Overall, though, nothing does any good. Nothing has an impact, like poking the Pillsbury Doughboy in the tummy doesn't leave a dent.

So, probably going ahead with DV plans but being receptive 2 reconciliation is the best way 2 keep the door open.

I don't think it's going 2 "work" either, though.

-ol' 2long

I have to vote with SS on this one.

2long, I don't mean to be mean, but your own thinking about this hasn't worked so far. Why not try another way? As an experiment...

Yeah, I'm gonna ephin' quit, and see how that works out.

-ol' 2long

You guys are cold! This biting thing is pretty funny ha?..yeh as long as it's some one elses neck getting bitten it is! LOL

By the way 2long...do you think I sneered at you? 'Cause I didn't! I don't do sneering...cause you now why? 'Cause it's ugley that's why...And as vain as I am...I don't do ugley!
Coach

coach:

Heck no! I was worried you might take offense at my vampire jokes!

Gadz, especially since I'm one of these BS' who just can't seem 2 let go for Rice Cake, I can't think of anything 2 say about this kind of stuff that isn't sarcastic or funny (hopefully).

I'm a fool,
-ol' 2long

Awww I am sorry coach! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> But it's all 2long's fault, he started it, I have proof! I am innocent! He made me do it! And I am sticking to my story. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

*Runs off*

My Gawd:

How can I be wanting a DV when my W is so "nice" all the time.

I almost missed 2days email, I was so busy with a project for an upcoming deadline. She sent it around 3pm 2day.

Just nice stuff about how hard the s2dents are working on the OOSP. Plus a surprise!!!

...just kidding. She said nothing about our "little problem." She did say "take care" though, whereas the past 2ple messages have just been "help me figure out why the lawnmower won't start" or "...just another demand..." remarks.

I 2rnd off my celll phone before I left work, though. It's still off. Battery lasts longer in that mode.

But SS thinks I need 2 say something 2 her about what I plan 2 do. Not that I haven't already. Not that she won't ignore me again.

Hey, we've been quoting song lyrics over on gc's thread! Maybe one hear, appropriately upbeat (not!):

Bloodrock, "D.O.A."

Laying here looking at the ceiling
Someone lays a sheet across my chest
Something warm is flowing down my fingers
Pain is flowing all through my back

I try to move my arms and there's no feeling
And when I look I see there's nothing there
The face beside me stopped it totally bleeding
The girl I knew has such a distant stare

I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air
I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air

Then I looked straight at the attendant
His face is pale as it can be
He bends and whispers something softly
He says there's no chance for me

I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air
I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air

Life is flowing out of my body
Pain is flowing out with my blood
The sheets are red and moist where I'm lying
God in Heaven, teach me how to die

I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air
I remember
We were flying along and hit something in the air

Hey 2Long,

Have you got something a little more cheerful?

-AD

Sure, AD!

Should I take that out or just post the cheerful?

It's your thread, 2Long. Follow your impulse.
No, don't take it out. Almost never take anything out.

Oh, I'll read it in the morning.
Tomorrow night I have DD - and I want to go to bed early, to work early, so I can leave early and pick her up from preschool before her Mom does. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

BTW, before I go. I feel really bad about Weaver. I should never have encouraged her to seek revenge. I hope she stays out of trouble. I like you saying about revenge.

OK, to bed.

weaver is a wonderful person.

I don't think she'll do it.


-ol' 2long

Okay, cheerful:

The Moody Blues, "My Song"

I'm going to sing my song,
And sing it all day long,
A song that never ends.
How can I tell you
All the things inside my head?
The change in these past years
Has made me see our world
In many different ways.
How can I tell you
Love can change our destiny?

Love can change the world,
Love can change your life.
Do what makes you happy,
Do what you know is right
And love with all your might
Before it's too late.

Where did I find all these words?
Something inside them is burning.
There's life in other worlds,
Maybe they'll come to Earth,
Helping Man to find a way.

[instrumental interlude]

One day I hope we'll be in perfect harmony,
A planet with one mind.
Then I could tell you
All the things inside my head.

I'm going to sing my song,
And sing it all day long,
A song that never ends.
How can I tell you
All the things inside my head?

I'm going to sing my song...
A song that never ends...

Hey, that's better!

Goodnight!