What do you mean?

Susan

Frankly, I can't understand why that's so confusing.

It means, I think there's always hope that my W will make a choice soon - her "friend" or her marriage - though I'm not going 2 hang my hat on that.

I've made my points and she's heard them.

We met with the mediator 2 days before she left, and told him that we'd get back 2 him in July if we decide 2 proceed with a DV. And I'm going 2 continue working with the mediator rather than an individual lawyer as long as we can come 2 an agreement on separating our stuff.

What's confusing?

-ol' 2long

Sorry.... I just wasn't sure. Thanks

Susan

Do you think that maybe if we are confused that your wife might be too?

BR:

I'm sure of it! And I bet you know why I am?

Because when I've been as clear and as pointed as I possibly could, even when I've gotten understanding nods from her, the point fades and we go back 2 the way it was.

I want 2 be sure, yet again if necessary, that I'm doing what's right for me and my family.

-ol' 2long

"Because when I've been as clear and as pointed as I possibly could, even when I've gotten understanding nods from her, the point fades and we go back 2 the way it was."

Is this a lack of understanding or willfully ignoring? Perhaps even part of the execution of her plan?

I don't know for sure if my W understands or not. I do know I get a lot of the latter.

I guess my longwinded posts above could be boiled down pretty simply. You are saying one thing, doing another.

She's watching what you do and not listening to what you are saying. Pretty smart on her part.

Like I said above, I dont believe what you are saying and neither does she....because what you are doing is screaming differently.

I'm not trying to beat up on you....(((hugs)))

2Long,

Haven't read it yet but current issue of SciAm has cover article on pictures from Mars. You take any of them?

Ap:

"Is this a lack of understanding or willfully ignoring? Perhaps even part of the execution of her plan?"

Who knows which? I'm not even sure she knows. I don't think it's malicious, it's probably ignorance, though.

As for her "plan?" I doubt very much she's got one.

-ol' 2long

BR:

I don't think I'm doing and saying different things, but if I am, it's no more deliberate on my part than my W's behavior is deliberate on hers.

We all have our fogs 2 bear...

-ol' 2long

2Long, in the "survival of the fittest" arena, your wife seems to be winning. She wants to "opt" for polygamy (the more "natural" state for most animals) and you want to opt for monogamy (a more rare "natural" and definitely how God intended it from the beginning).

As the saying goes, "You can't have it both ways." Unless YOU are willing to have a 3rd person in your marriage (so-called "open marriage") and accept polygamy, the marriage is unsustainable as it currently exists.

The ONLY remaining question is how long YOU think you can wait for her to finally "wake up" and realize that she must make a choice that means permanently "losing" one of the two current men in her life.

IF you really do want to continue being married to her, then the only option you have left (assumin you cannot live with another man in your marriage and a "shock" of reality is needed for her to realize the seriousness of what she is doing) is to separate and go Plan B on the basis of she has to CHOOSE which of the two of you is most important to her. She has to CHOOSE, she can't have "both."

Needless to say, this is going to be difficult on you either way. But without an outside reference (ala a biblical command) she is defining "acceptable" standards according to her "wants and desires" and not according to your standards or anyone else's standards. So YOU are left with having to make the hard decisions so she can think of you (not herself) as the "bad guy" in all of this and just very "unreasonable" of you.

So either choose to live with her "as is" until such time as she finally "wakes up" and reliquishes the OM, or plan on "forcing" the decision between the two of you through either a separation or a divorce. She needs to know that YOUR standards ARE different from, and incompatable with, hers with respect to anyone else being allowed in the marriage.

FH:

Indeed, those are the choices I'm faced with now.

-ol' 2long

2L,

Believe it or not, I don't have a problem with you going anywhere you want over the 4'th. Your WW may be at the same physical location as you, or not. She may be in the same state of mind as you, nor not (Schrödinger’s Cat?)

You may decide to enjoy some time with her while you are there, or you might not. It might as well be played by ear, IMO.

Just play it truthfully.

Ap:

Yep. That I intend 2 do.

-ol' 2long

She called this evening.

Didn't call yes2rday because the power was out and she'd planned on sending me an email... guess the phone was out 2?

Not that it matters all that much. I still desire 2 be her H, but I have no idea what she wants. Someday, maybe I should find out? If it's important at that point, I suppose...

Last night I had one of the wierdest dreams ever.

I dreamed I was running through a park or somewhere, with this pretty gal I know from work running with me with her arm around my waist, and mine around hers. I remember thinking, "what will people think?", followed by "that's not important, it's being sincere that's important, and I like this gal so should show HER that", and so I continued, even though people could see us 2gether...

Weird. I think in the dream I was "already divorced", because my FWW was nowhere 2 be found, ...or concerned about...


weird.

-ol' 2long

Oh, and that gal from work? She's real, alright. But she's not someone I'd ever 'hook up with'. She's about 20 years younger than I am, very pretty, and quite the party animal from what I hear.

But she's nice 2 me. So are a lot of other people at work, though.

That's why that particular person was weird in the dream...

don't ask me what it "means." I have no idea. Maybe I don't want 2 know.

-ol' 2long

It means you might have watched too many sporting goods or diet soda comercials.

That or you just have the need to fall on your face running... do you know how difficult it is to run while holding somebody by the waist and being held? The tripping factor there is just unbelievable! You'd have to have awesome far out coordination skills man... yeah! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

2Long,

You gone already?

You have mail (on your work account).

-AD

1. I have no idea what your dream means.

2. How the heck are you?

3. Got your plans firmed up yet?

4. Been talking to W these last few days?

5. I can't think of another one.

SS

SS:

"1. I have no idea what your dream means."

Good! Because I don't think about it anymore! Besides, when I DID, I couldn't get the pic2re of me and her falling down in a heap trying 2 run like that, per ALW's engineering review!

"2. How the heck are you?"

Stuff is good. I'm busy, so I don't feel alone all THAT much, but I do feel alone. I find I still find myself feeling guilty for spending time with my scopes and stuff, but then I get over it! Mostly, it's a bit frustrating getting things that cost thousands of dollars fine tuned, only to have to fine tune them some more! Don't know how ready I'll be for the comet impact night, but I'll do my best. 2rns out I'll probably bring my C-8 though, not the 9.25", because it's so much bulkier and heavier, and I'll have to take it down every day and bring it inside when we're not at the house. The 8" is a lot lighter in that regard.

"3. Got your plans firmed up yet?"

Pretty much. Heading up 2 Sacramento way on Wednesday 2 help move stuff out of my dad's house, then across Nevada 2 OOSP on Sa2rday. Staying at OOSP at least through the 7th, and possibly the whole week. Weather so far looks like it's going 2 be clear most nights now, though they got rain and clouds last 2ple of weeks.

"4. Been talking to W these last few days?"

Yeah, she's calling me and I'm enjoying light convo. 2day she called me on my cell when I was in the restroom after the meeting. Right after I answered, my friend flushed next 2 me, and she must have thought we just launched something, it was so loud... ...come 2 think of it, he did!

But it was the first time since she left that she made sounds like she misses me. She said she's looking forward 2 us coming out on Sa2rday. I am 2, though I'm looking forward even more 2 the rest of the week 2 myself (well, except for the boys, who will be going with me..)

"5. I can't think of another one. "

Good, neither can I!

-ol' 2long