Hi everyone im new here and not to sure if im in the right spot to post this... anyways i am 20 years old and i am in love with a girl whos family is from pakistan. they are very strict and are arranging her marriage. she is not allowed to have a boyfriend but she does(me). i love her more than anything in the whole world. her parents would kill both of us if they found out, but they are making her get married by the end of the year. she loves me but she is very confused and doesnt know what to do and often says we should break up, but i cant do that. she has tried talking to her parents before telling them she does not want to get married but they wont listen. she will get mad at me if i talk to them because they will be mad and very upset that she lied to them about having a boyfriend. i dont know what else to do. i love her sooo much. i dont want her to fight with her family and they stop talking. what should i do? should i try talking to them anyway? whats your suggestion? please help me

I would like to sympathize. I remember my first love. Thought I would die if we had to part. It's too bad that the parents didn't arrange for you to be the bridegroom, but they didn't.

Where do you live? U.S., Canada, Europe? Where do her parents live - still in Pakistan, or in the West? Are they Muslims (I presume, since Pakistan is mostly a Muslim country)? Are you both the same faith?

If you were to try talking to your girlfriend's family, would this be in person or email; phone; letter?

Are you Pakistani or East Indian, from someplace at least familiar to the girl's family?

I'm asking all these questions because the more similarity you have with each other, the better chance your relationship has of enduring. Also, if you are 20 years old, she must be around your age.

WHen you wrote "her parents would kill both of us" was that an exaggeration, or is that likely in her culture? If it IS likely, and you really love her sooo much, you will prove that you love her by breaking off completely and cleanly, no emails, text messages, phone calls or anything that might compromise her safety. Her life (and yours) are irreplaceable.

Are you having sex together? If so, you could really be endangering her life. In cultures where arranged marriages are the norm, virginity can mean life or death for the bride. Please, if you haven't had intercourse, don't.

Last, I think the statistics on success of arranged marriages are about the same or higher than love matches. Once the marriage actually happens, it could actually work out well for your girlfriend. I know you don't want to think about that, your emotions are so high. If you can be selfless about her happiness for her lifetime, bowing out and breaking up could be the best thing you can do for her.

If you were to marry against her family's wishes, and if they cut her off, she will be lonely throughout her life. If your "they would kill both of us" is literal, that might not be a very long time. If your "they would kill both of us" is an exaggeration, it's still possible that they will snub the births of your children, refuse to invite you to dinner or return your phone calls, or even answer the door if you knock on it.

Your girlfriend might not be able to stand being cut off from her family. The strain of that rejection will affect your love for each other sooner or later.

That's my suggestion.