Ok, since I said that I won't go through with the divorce, my wife says she believes she wants to go through with it. She loves me, but not like a wife should. She's not willing to make any sacrifices (i.e., NC and find another job, no contact with the friend who is in contact with the OM and tell me everything). She says she recognizes what she should do, but she just can't do it. She doesn't want to change for me or our marriage. She still claims affair is over, but she figures she must not have been in love with me if she lied and cheated.

She's confused and miserable.

I have to be honest this is ALMOST comical. If this wasn't really my life I'd think it was a bad sitcom.

I was going to tell you its time for Plan B, but don't I remember you saying that you have an appointment with Jennifer on Wednesday? If so, I would let her assess your situation. Otherwise, I think it's Plan B time.

grove, I hate to hear that things went badly this weekend. However, DO NOT let her dictate the terms. If you were guilty of infidelity, physical abuse, mental abuse or verbal ause, then I would support her right to do this. If you are guilty of none of these then hold firm. I can tell that you are not sure what you want to do right now. Tell her that you will not give her a D. She will probably not do anything. It will be difficult for her to find a lawyer if she tells him anything about the truth. She broke the vows so it is up to you to end the M or not. Hold strong!!!

What Bob said. If you don't want a divorce, then just sit on your hands and do nothing as far as getting one. Make her do 100% of the dirty work. I'll bet she does nothing as well. Talk is cheap. It'll be real different if she is the one who is forced to take action and she realizes you're not going to help her dismantle the family.
Mulan

Hi grove,
Rarely, if ever, do I stick my neck out here (because, frankly, I stink at this stuff).

I just had a post ready to go, but lost it somehow (see, I DO stink at this stuff!)

Here's the gist of what it was, in shorthand...

Your last couple posts have my stomach in knots, because I sense that your WW is, eerily, exactly where my STBXW was -- when I think I made critical mistakes. Can't remember exactly what happened (it was a while ago), but either I didn't take (the Wise and Wonderful) Melody's advice, or I waited too long, or I sorta took it halfway, or...

My point is: Listen to what people are telling you, NO MATTER HOW MUCH it does NOT make sense to you right now.

Also... I didn't go to Plan B NEARLY soon enough. Don't wait -- if the common wisdom here is to go Plan B, then do it -- consider it the best chance to save your M.

Exactly. But that's oh-so-much better than NOT confused, when she's talking divorce...

I'm scheduled to talk to Jennifer Wednesday night, I'll be interested to hear what she thinks of our situation.

Plan B will be difficult due to having a three year old in the house. I can't leave her and the attorney has advised me to stay in the home.

I don't think my wife would use it against me, but to be honest, I don't want to leave my daughter (or my wife for that matter).

Grove, I am not suggesting that you leave, but that SHE leave. She is the one who has had the affair and she is the one who wants the divorce. Or, if she refused to leave, then you could file seperation papers and have her removed or put the house up for sale. But, I would discuss all that with Jennifer. She will know your situation better than me and is the professional. I am VERY GLAD that you are counseling with her, she is very good at this!

Melody,

How important is it for my wife to be involved in the consultation with Jennifer. I don't think she will be, but I'm working on it. I've told her that I am going to talk to her and that she is welcome to join in. It's up to her.