I'd like to start a thread that helps those of us that are headed to divorce.

I'm looking for those that are D or are in the middle of D.

I'd like to start a list of questions you should be asking your d attorney, b-4 you file.

A list of mistakes you made thru the D - which would give the rest of us a heads up..

A list of things you should have asked before you filed

A list of things you should have done financially b-4 you filed..

What type of documentation should you get hold of b-4 you file?

Ways to fight fair for what you want.

Negotiating tips, etc.

It would probably help if you also stated if your state laws were Community Property or Equitable Distibution.

Many of us are going thru this and every bit of helpful information may help us get thru it alittle easier.

My D was simple, I got everything with no fight but i did learn one thing...


First person to the bank wins, I'm not kidding.

Community property state

RebornMan

One big thing: do not liquidate your 401K until you have legal paperwork stating that it is part of the D settlement. Apparently then you can avoid penalties (according to my accountant, after the fact.) My H didn't know that and it cost him lots of $$..

Plan for your divorce in advance. My lawyer told me to "hord cash." Real green stuff in a safety deposit box. Cash is very difficult to track, protects against the "first to the bank" problem, and will give you a safety egg.

My lawyer told me to do this even though I have a job and income of my own. For those who are stay-at-homes, the cash issue could be very important.

First I am not sure if you have kids or not but please iron all of that out.... state everything - visitation everything - or it will be a constant battle - I had nothing set in writing and pretty much it ended up fight after fight with all of the blame shifted towards me... Try to negotiate everything before hand that way - you won't have all of the lawyers butting heads.. And do not give anything because you feel like being nice... You have to do what is right for you and what you deserve...

I agree!
Iron out as much as you can with you spouse before you go. This will keep the attorney costs down not to mention maybe settling sooner than later.

If you are ready for this D to be finalized, get as much done between the two of you as you can, and take it to the attorney.

Be fair to yourself and him as much as possible.

There was only one area that I wish I wouldn't haven't gotten soft on. That was that he would get to claim one of our daughters on income taxes.
He moved in with OW as soon as d was final. He has been living on 2 good paychecks for 3,(with the exception of what he pays me) and I try to make all ends meet for my girls and I, on what I have been allowed.
If I had it to do again, I wouldn't have given her up for taxes.

Good luck,
K

[color:"blue"] I can answer a lot of questions but I would end up writing a book if I had to post all the tips...

When I found out my dh was having an affair I was determined not to let him ruin me financially or take the children. I ended up buying legal tomes (LOL) and studying for two years to prepare myself. At one point I thought about representing myself, but decided to at least start with a lawyer.

Tip of the day: Remember lawyers bill for every minute. Hire a psychologist @ $80 an hour to listen to your woes, not your lawyer @ $200 an hour. You will be billed for every phone call, every office visit, every letter that your ex's attorney sends that needs to be read and answered.

A lot of stuff is state specific, but most states have their statutes available on line. If you have something that deviates from the norm, then you should invest in a case law book to look up what defining cases would apply in your case. Otherwise read your state statutes and figure out what is fair then negotiate with that in mind.

My lawyer didn't like me at first - I think she thought that I was too knowledgeable about the law and would try and use that to my advantage. Every time we negotiated, though, I was fair and then because ex is a suspicious goof, I would prove I was fair to drive the point home that he was getting a better bargain by settling with me than if we took it to court. Stubborn man! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You are the one that knows your ex the best. Use that knowledge to push things through. I knew what my ex feared and I used that. I put myself in the best possible position for a battle: I kept the family home, I had a stable job, I didn't have bfs or SOs to mess it up, and I just out maneuvered him at every turn.

Sunny [/color]