Thanks both of you. Three years ago, when I began my battle, there were others that came alongside me. When this is over for you, I hope you too will come back and help those that are yet to come.

I'm still in Chicago...

And I agree with those two guys... Thanks for the advice MM, and everyone else here...

I'll keep you posted.

The next step, when I get home, is to protect some of my funds and credit cards...

OK, I'm back and can't stand to wait on this "D-day" any longer...

While in Chicago, I discussed all of this with my Brother, and he helped me hone my plan some more. I also spoke to a local judge, who is a family friend. He made some useful points too.

When I left, I installed a new key logger which was apparently a failure. I think it must have conflicted with McAfee or something. She (or HE) suspected something and installed some scanning program. The program didn't stop my logger, but there was nothing suspicious typed over the 4 days, so it's likely that the computer is now suspect. (ALthough she was looking up wedding stuff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

I sent someone to see if he could take pictures or anything. He thought that he had been spotted by Wife though, and took off. (Apparently he wasn't spotted...)

When I returned, she starts asking me about how we want to divide up our assets and all of that. She said she will need spousal support for a while. I tried to be vague, but am thinking... Wait until we get to the real issue here....

When I returned, there was no concrete evidence, but I found more suspicous stuff that OM had been at my house... Empty wine and pizza. The place had hastilly been cleaned. 3 more of those Vaginal inserts were gone...

I plan to do this:
2:00 Call OW. (If I can't contact her, I might delay the plan)
4:00 Return home from work early and confront W. She will have to leave for work at 4:30 and will be caught off guard.

I'm also ready for the next part... I've got a whole list of phone numbers for various people that I will call later, and I've been practicing how to discuss this with everyone, without being judgmental...

I'm really stressing out and loosing everything that I still feel for her. This is driving me crazy.

Good luck Gramn. I will be praying for you. This is what fighting for your marriage is like. It has to be done.

You are well prepared.

As many of us have stated before this is where the real work starts. Getting it out in the open so the healing can begin. Best of luck and stick to you plan. You are in control.

Well, here it goes!! From the point you reveal what you know, you will begin to get your life back. You may not think so for awhile, because things will get MUCH worse before they get better. But today you start that process. Today is D-Day. Whether or not you save your marriage, your new life begins. This is where you become the husband you were meant to be. It might be with your wife (odds are it will be). Or it might not.

But in the end, as I have found out...you actually will thank God for this trial...because the person you will become when you get out of this will be nowhere near the person you are right now. It will be rough. I wont sugarcoat it. And you will feel like giving up and giving in...just give her what she wants and let her go.

Dont you do that. You make her earn her way out. You earn your way out. Make her work to end the marriage. Make it hard for her to hold her head up when she is stuck in adultery. Because, just as you will become better thru this, so will she if she chooses to eventually follow Christ. And the woman she ends up being may be a wife that you never thought possible, and so much better than what you had.

God is in your corner. So are we. That is enough. Always remember...God plus you is a majority! Protect your child. And fight for your wife. Be the man. Dont let her make you angry nor make you give up. You are on a mission. She is lost. Every time you talk to her, tell yourself that this is a woman with serious problems. And you promised her to be there for her in poor, sickness, and worse. Well, guess what? This is worse...and she is "sick." Be true to God and be true to your word.

In the end, the blessings that come your way will be incredible! I promise!

In His arms.

Hi Gramm! I am very glad you are moving forward, but feel badly about the keylogger.

When you speak to the OMW I would mention that you were out of town this weekend and ask if he was away from home this weekend. You should also compare notes about this upcoming football weekend.

And lastly, I would not agree to any spousal support, any division of property, and whatever you do, DO NOT move out of your home. That would be a terrible mistake that could back to haunt you. Make it clear to her that you also will not let her leave with the baby.

I agree to all that. The spousal support is almost a joke to me... You cheat then you want money?!?! It will be hard to not act judgmental when that one comes up...

I'm also thinking of moving back into the bedroom. I've had more than enough of this fold out bed $#!T

Gramn - I will pray for you.

I might launch my nuke tomorrow.

But I will pray for you.

You should pray for you, too. A lot.

I've been praying already...
(And it will take a lot more)

Okay...Gramn is off exposing away right now. Today is Gramn's D-Day. Everyone break out the prayers. The battle is on.

In His arms.

I talked to the OW
She cried but said that she knew something was up.

I'm meeting her later to share evidence....

Good Work, Gramn....

We're here for you.....

You're such a blessing to the OMW and her children.....

Excellent work Gramn. You are taking the necessary steps to get your life back. I am sure telling OMW was one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. I know it was for me.

Hang in there we are all thinking of you.

YAY GRAMN - YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that the nuke has been launched, batten down the hatches. Chances are the OM's wife will confront OM, and he will contact your wife, and she will be furious.

She'll give you the whole WS spiel about hurting his family, this is the last straw, she can't trust you, how could you, she is filing for divorce, blah, blah, blah.

Stay calm. Let her know you will do whatever it takes to protect your family. Hang in there. You might not feel great right now, but you will later.

Gramn - I am praying for!!!

Believer - Thanks for encouraging Gramn. You are encouraging me, also.

FAR

That is exactly what happened. OMW was supposed to meet me at 5:30 so that I could give her evidence. Instead, she confronted him and he admitted it. She made him promise not to tell my Wife, BUT, of course, he did.

So, she calls me and in a sobby voice says "Are you OK"?

She came home and we talked for a long time.
(I had the baby over at the neighbors)

She feels bad for decieving me and all that. She has backed off on her idea of Spousal support.
BUT
She still wants to be with this guy who "she is in love with".

The main point of our conversation was about who to tell. I told her "Break it off, or I'll tell all yur friends". She thought that was blackmail, and we discussed who to tell for a while. She called one girlfriend and told her, just to say "See, did that make you feel better?"

Right now, Wife & Baby are at a neigbor's house still talking.

I'm still not sure where to proceed next, but I'm very glad that I took this step...

Gramm, you did very well. Don't expose to any more people and don't make her tell anyone. DO NOT threaten to tell anyone else, ok? [all exposure should be done by you privately, anyway] You cannot afford to lose that ammunition. Hold off using this ammunition if there is some future contact, which there likely WILL BE.

Ask her RIGHT NOW to send him a letter of no contact to the OW and promise to never ever see him again. She MUST agree to quit the Y and open up her life to you, ie: cell phone passwords, etc. You must have this discussion TODAY while she on the ropes and before she catches her breath.

Here are some samples to give you an idea of what she should say to him. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018918;p=0#000000

Gramm, she must agree to NEVER EVER see the OM again. EVER.

P.S. call the OMW and tell her that her H has already called your W since this visit and informed her they were busted. Call her now and continue to stay in touch with her.