OMG, she admits in the papers she is having an affair! lol


That is rich! Gramn, get these over to your lawyer ASAP. Sue for full custody on the grounds that your wife is a)having an affair with a married man, b) cannot support herself and D and is c) trying to disrupt her D's life to accommodate her affair.

“””She estimates that the place will cost her $630 per mo, which I know is way more than she can afford.”””

I’m still curious where she’s getting the cash. It’s one thing to say your going to cash in a 401K, but quite another to do so…..

"””Defendant has very publicly caused the termination of Plaintiff's paramour from his employment and actively attempted to alienate the support of Plaintiff's friends & family"””

Holy cow!!!!! I can’t believe they actually put that in there. My goodness, well she ain’t gonna let it be a surprise that she had an affair now is it. So when is the 1st court date? Have you talked with your attorney? Are you two going to be required to go to mediation? What’s the Judge like that’s handling your case? What’s your strategy? Are you keeping your daughter all weekend?

My advice is from here on out repeat the following “I’m letting my attorney handle the divorce”……PERIOD….

PS.... Isn't your state a "FAULT" state? What did she put on there for reason for divorce? If she put some incompatability bullcrap, in your countersuit, you will want to put adultery as the reason, heck she's already admitted it.

Also, since it's out there for public record, I wonder if you could sue the OM?

Gramn,

Some of that is funny (not really...but it is in a weird sort of way). She admits to the paramour (adultery), admits she is leaving the house and is trying to secure a job and home (abandonment).

Your attorney can now strike. You have a home which your daughter has lived in all along. You have a job that can more than take care of you and her. You have not engaged in immoral activities and tried to introduce your daughter to them.

For custody, she showed no reason that she should get custody...but several reasons why she shouldnt.

The rest of the stuff? It is all crap! Even if true about getting paramour fired and the other stuff, so what? While we know it isnt true and you can prove that, none of that has anythign to do with custody. It does have to do with the divorce...but not custody.

Custody is given to the parent that can provide and has provided all of the guidelines that you have in the law. It doesnt matter if yo uwere the world's worst husband...if you were the world's best dad, along with her being what she has been...then you get custody.

If you have a good attorney, he will see that. The FIRST battle will be for your daughter (and child support). My wife asked for full custody, with very little visitation for me (after saying in the deposition that I was a great dad). The judge was perplexed on why a great dad should only see his kids three or four times a month. We, on the otherhand, filed for primary physical custody, with liberal visitation for my wife. Can you see the difference? Here I was being accomodating, and she was trying to push me out of the kids' lives. That was huge for the judge deciding who would be best as the primary custodian.

You must now have an answer for how you will take care of your daughter. You must have everything lined up and ready. Daycare and the like. Here is how it will look to the judge, in an example I made up here:

Gramn: "Judge, I have permanent employment making $xx,xxx a year. I have taken care of my family for xx years. I have met all of my financial obligations during that time, and I can provide a stable financial situation for my daughter. I have secured daycare for my daughter while I am working at xxxxxxxx. I have made my work schedule such that I will be gone from xam to xpm, and then will be with my daughter the rest of the time. On days that I might be ill, or have any other problems, xxxxxxxxxxxxx, a member of my family (or a friend) has said that they can assist me in emergencies. As I have done all along as my wife has moved out of our home, I will continue to provide my wife liberal visitation with our daughter, as is consistent with her schedule and my own."

Mrs. Gramn: "Judge, I have a part time job starting soon. It makes $xx,xxx a year. I have no financial background as of recent, as I was a SAHM. I believe I can afford this apartment and all of the bills on my salary, if my husband will help out also. I have secured daycare with xxxxxxx. I have been the SAHM with my daughter and believe she should stay with me, and my husband can see her on his scheduled vistation."

Now, this all sounds sort of even, huh? That is until cross-examination. First, the two of you will have to fill out financial statements. She will break down all of her bills, and so will you. As well as income. By what you have said Gramn, she wont have the cash to do all of this. But let's say a part time teacher does make enough. Let's move onto the next issue. She says she was a SAHM. Well, she isnt now. So, that is a moot point. Both of you will be working. It would be one thing if she was going to continue to stay at home, but she isnt.

Then the cross exam on what kind of environment that the child will be in, since she willing brought the child around the paramour (a HUGE NO-NO in my state, and I hope yours). Along with your documentation of her threats to take your daughter away, etc...your attorney will show your wife to be unstable financially, emotionally, and mentally. What does her attorney have on you? The fact that you reported an adulterer who works for a Christian organization to that organization? The fact that you have contacted family and friends and repeatedly said that you are trying to save your marriage? That will be all they try to get on you...and that is NOTHING. Very, very weak!! If that is all she has, Gramn...then you sir have a very good chance here with a good attorney.

I am in agreement with others here that now that she has fired the paperwork, you are not to discuss ONE thing with her concerning this. Not one. When she asks, you say what I said: "Honey, I want our marriage to work. I am still trying to save our family. If you want to discuss our marriage, our family or reconciliation, then I am here for you. I do not do divorce though. If you want to discuss that, then contact my attorney. I am conentrating on my family."

That is your script. Now, you must get this to yoru attorney and get the ball rolling. It will be helpful if she has yet to secure a job or apartment and you guys are in front of the judge. So have your attorney push for the earliest possible date. Get your info together. Get your daycare and other things lined up.

You must show that YOU are the adult here, and your wife is just a child. You can do this. I saved a lot of money by doign a lot of the leg work for my attorney. You do so also. Do not trust your attorney to do all of the work. They are busy and sometimes they wont go full out for you. You just plop a great case in his lap and let him do his job.

Keep it up. The war is still on. Keep Plan Aing during this. It will confuse the hell out of her. And I guarantee that if you get custody, the fog WILl come crashing down around her. It did for my wife.

In His arms.

Gramn-

MEMORIZE what MM just posted to you:


I'd give that to her word for word, ANYTIME she asks anything about the divorce. Anything else and you're just going to give her the chance to get ammunition to use against you.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I too think it's pretty funny that she admits to having a paramour...that just HAS to be something that a judge will get a kick out of!! Wish I could be a fly on the wall in THAT court that day!

Hang in there. Take this to your attorney, and honestly just keep plan A'ing...take care of yourself and your daughter, and let you wife either come to her senses or hang herself legally and financially.

This is not a fault state, but I think I can still list "Adultery" as my reason.
I'm not sure how much that will matter, but it can't hurt.

As for the other stuff, it will be hard NOT to discuss the details with her, but I'll try.

Let me try breaking this down...now remember, this is all about "Parental Rights & Responisibities"

She needs custody because she is abandoning the marriage and the home. HHhhhmmm. Not sure that has anything to do with custody. And if it does, it actually goes against her.

Read "assist." That means, she cant do it on her own. She will expect child support and spousal support to make it. While, if she gets custody she will get child support...the fact that she committed adultery and adandoned the marriage, at least in my state...allows her to give up the right to spousal support.

HHHmmm. This is where your documentation comes in. Where you helped make up her bed when she decided to move out of your room. Where you made dinner or whatever else. She is going to be hard-pressed to explain where the unhealthiness is. And again, even if true...it just means that it is unhealthy between you and her. That has NOTHING to do with child custody. The volatility has to do with her. And if she removes herself from the home, then no more volatility. The daughter is fine staying. Again, she still hasnt made a case why she should have custody, or why you shouldnt.

Another hhhhmmmm. Even if you were blackmailing her, what would be your goal. Blackmail to do what? To fulfill the marriage contract? Blackmail to get her to stop her immoral behavior? Blackmail to get your daughter away from that immoral activity and man? As your attorney can show, you have been advised by one of the country's foremost marriage counselors (Dr. Harley) to expose the affair. That you have intended and still intend to save your family and marriage. You did not do these things and ask for anything in return. Blackmail requires the balckmailer to get something. You demanded nothing for yourself. You just let his work, his wife and key family members know what was going on. Sorry, Mrs. Gramn. That aint blackmail!! So, I am beginning to wonder by reading this, just how good an attorney your wife has. This is horrible. Her attorney should have been concentrating on her being a SAHM and being the best choice for her to take care of your daughter. Instead, the attorney brings up irrelevent things dealing with custody, and even brings up things that will HURT your wife's case.

Gramn, I hope you have a good attorney, one that is going to fight and is great at cross-examination. Because the guy or gal your wife hired is not very good.

Now, get your attorney to draw up REAL reasons why YOU should have custody, why yo uare the best choice to provide the primary care for your daughter.

In His arms.

Gramm, print out MM last post and hand it to your atty... Awesome job MM...

And gramm last I knew it took two people to discuss a matter. Stick to script and don't discuss, let her cuss, but still don't discuss.

What Mortarman said about doing legwork for your attorney is true. While it is sad, considering how much we pay them the bottom line is NO ONE cares about your case as much as YOU!

I found the same thing with my attorney in a fight to move out of state with the children. LH and I spent endless hours researching and preparing. I typed up many pages and e-mailed them to my atty. The morning of the deposition, he sat there reading them in front of me, looked up and told me I should be an attorney, then proceeded to quote directly from my papers during the deposition. LOL. Didn't expect that.

Like Mortarman said, do as much as you can on your own. Even if it doesn't save money, it'll help you build the best case possible.

Thanks. But all I am doing is repeating exactly what I went thru and what I did. It worked. Also Gramn...that E-book I had you get will be extremely helpful right now in helping you prepare your response and case. Dont let your attorney do it...YOU do it!

In His arms.

I meet with my attorney tomorrow at 1:30.

If any of you want to help come up with some specific questions or help me write any statements that you might find useful, NOW is the time.

Gramm,

""termination of Plaintiff's paramour"" OH MY GAAAAWWWWWD!!!!

PARAMOUR??? Give me a freakin break! I can't believe this was actually included on the D papers. She is really reaching for any mud to sling.

I just looked it up in the dictionary:
A lover, especially one in an adulterous relationship.
(got that right!)

Those attorneys!, God love em.

k

You cant do better than that ebook Gramn. It takes you step-by-step thru it all. All of the questions. All of the bases to cover. Also, take the laws of Ohio, the ones on custody. Make sure you have a good answer for everyone of them, on why you are the better choice for primary custodian. You have a lot of work to do. Your attorney will only do so much. so start typing, and get it read. Give it to your attorney on disk...it will save you money. Then your attorney can cut and paste whatever he needs and put it in the proper order.

This isnt rocket science. The spoils go to the one that works the hardest and has the most ammo.

In His arms.

Any of the following grounds may be used for divorce in OHIO, although No-fault :

* No-fault: The parties are incompatible; living separate and apart for 1 year marriage ;
* bigamy;
* fraudulent contract;
* pregnancy of the wife by a man other than her husband, at the time of the marriage, unknown to the husband;
* adultery;
* willful and continued desertion of either of the parties for the term of one year;
* imprisonment at the time of filing;
* habitual intoxication;
* cruel treatment, either bodily or mental;
* gross neglect
* habitual drug addiction;
-----------------------------------
CHILD CUSTODY: Shared parenting or sole child custody may be awarded according to the best interests of the child. Factors to be considered are:
(1) the preference of the child, if the child is of sufficient age and capacity;
(2) the child's adjustment to his or her home, school, and community;
(3) the mental and physical health of all individuals involved;
(4) the relationship of the child with parents, siblings, and other significant family members;
(5) whether 1 parent has willfully denied visitation to the other parent;
(6) whether either parent has failed to make child support payments to any child;
(7) whether either parent lives or intends to live outside of Ohio;
(8) the ability of the parents to cooperate and make joint decisions;
(9) the ability of each parent to encourage the sharing of love, affection, and contact between the child and the other parent;
(10) any history of child abuse, spouse abuse, or domestic violence by a parent or anyone who is or will be a member of the household where the child will reside, or parental kidnapping;
(11) the geographic proximity of the parents to each other as it relates to shared parenting;
(12) the child's and parent's available time;
(13) the recommendation of any guardian ad litem (court-appointed guardian) of the child; and
(14) any other relevant factors.

Both parents are considered to have equal rights to custody. In addition, for shared parenting to be awarded, both parents must request it and submit a plan for shared parenting. The financial status of a parent is not to be considered for allocating any parental rights and responsibilities. The court may require an investigation of the parents and any evidence of neglect or child or spousal abuse will be considered against the granting of shared parenting or such parent being granted the status as residential parent.

From what you have said you have grounds on many of the following. even if No Fault much of this would have merit in a custody case I would think. Character issues.

Pregnancy- you could try to get your answer on this one. Drag that up if you must.

Adultry -obvious and for some unexplicable reason she ADMITTED to it.

Desertion. She has left repeatedly with wearabouts in question.

Habitual intoxication. you have mentioned she does like her drink.

Cruel treatment. Her lying about the OM and a bunch of other crap you have documented.

On the custody stuff. Didnt she say she intended to go with OM if he got a job outstate. Possible desertion.

The fact she was talking suicide backed up by the call to her friend.

The fact that you got her boy toy fired is crap. His actions got him fired. He did something against his companies policy and you felt they should be made aware. Your letter threatened no action. You were just concerned for the standards of the organization AND your marriage.

DO NOT TIP YOUR HAT ON ANY OF THIS. It WILL be used against you. Remain civil but firm in your resolve. Let the ugly things go on between the lawyers. They get paid to sling mud. Be 100% honest with the lawyer so he knows anything that can be used against you. No suprises from her.

Hang in there this is just another bump in the road.

Another thing I forgot to point out. Look at the above and try and think where YOU have committed an act listed under the grounds. Be brutally honest with yourself and attny.

(((( Gramn ))))

I certainly can not give more or better advice than you have been given here by some of the best.

You will get through this.

Carnation

i will be praying for you.

Thanks everyone.
I have my brother and parents helping to come up with more ideas for criteria against her.
------------------------------------
New info:

She took me to see her future apartment. She really wants to get it in the next few days. I told her that she can't afford it (even if I am paying Child Support) but she doesn't care. She cashed in part of her 401k to use for living expenses.

I also figured out a few other things:
While at our house, she picked up tampons, so I don't think she is pregnant, (at least any more)

I asked about what music she's been listening to. (I've figured out which artist reminds her of OM, so I wanted to see what she said) She showed me some old CDs which she says don't remind her of anyone. SO, unless she is now MUCH sneakier than she usually is, I take this to mean that she is not back with OM.

Don't let her think she is taking the furniture or your daughter, Gramm. You want to let her go with only the clothes on her back.