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Well, it's been busy!
Yesterday, we both went to the cell phone store and she got off of my plan onto her own. I guess that is fine.
WW was expecting a call from OM last evening and never got it. I was hanging out with WW, our daughter and WW's relatives for a while. She was eally broken up about not getting this call and I was there to console her. Later she called and we talked about things...
BUT!
This morning, she called OM and chewed him out for not living up to his word and calling her when he said he would. He had apparently been caught by OMW, after I talked to her yesterday. So, OM checked his wife's cell phone record, and told WW that I had talked to OMW. (Did you get all that?)
SO, now WW is REALLY mad at me for contacting OMW and not telling her why OMW wasn't calling her yesterday. I guess she sees it as I was there consoling her for the jerk not calling her, while I knew the reason. (I guess I should have told WW that I'd talked to OMW) SO, I again have a setback. Sure, in some ways it may be good. OM knows that WW had been confiding in me, and I'm sure that will put a further wedge between their trust, but it also puts a wedge between WW and I. She now does not trust me, again. And any progress we'd made towards getting back together has been stalled.
And, from WW's perspective, all I did was prevent her from getting "closure" and cause her more pain by intervering.
What do you all think?
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Good job on losing that trust! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That is your job, Gramm. To make double sure that you are not trustworthy enough to help your WW and her paramour destroy your marriage. Tell her that she can "trust" you to do everything in your power to disrupt their affair. So sorry....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Don't worry, everything you are doing will help you greatly in the LONG RUN, even though it seems like a set back in the short term. Ya don't have a hope in heII if you don't keep this little affair busted up. And I would call the OMW tomorrow and let her know that OM did talk to her and also snooped on her phone! whoops, BUSTED AGAIN!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think it's some more BULLCRAP!
She is not mad with you about not allowing closure...she is mad about not having the chance to try to convince him to be with her...
The OM is mad about not having the chance to get SF and whatever with your WH...
All part of the A ADDICTION...they are both craving to get their HIGH
You are doing great in FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE AND AGAINST THE A...
You won this BATTLE...
They are making preparations for the next BATTLE...
Continue with the WARRIOR MODE.....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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So sad, Gramm ruined their planned little rendevouz. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> **snort** GRAMM, YOU BAD BOY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, it's been busy!
Yesterday, we both went to the cell phone store and she got off of my plan onto her own. I guess that is fine.
You had NO choice anyways.
WW was expecting a call from OM last evening and never got it. I was hanging out with WW, our daughter and WW's relatives for a while. She was eally broken up about not getting this call and I was there to console her.
I'm not sure how you do this Gramm, nor anyone else?
Either you're the biggest coward on the face of the Earth or the strongest male/husband out there.
I would Beat the F*** our of OM. I would inflict serious bodily harm, end of story, period.
I'm serioiusly considering giving all my guns to my father untill all this Affair or Divorce crap is over.
Later she called and we talked about things...
BUT!
This morning, she called OM and chewed him out for not living up to his word and calling her when he said he would. He had apparently been caught by OMW, after I talked to her yesterday. So, OM checked his wife's cell phone record, and told WW that I had talked to OMW. (Did you get all that?)
Tell OMW to delete all her records from now on.
SO, now WW is REALLY mad at me for contacting OMW and not telling her why OMW wasn't calling her yesterday. I guess she sees it as I was there consoling her for the jerk not calling her, while I knew the reason. (I guess I should have told WW that I'd talked to OMW) SO, I again have a setback.
Yes you do. Instead of two steps forward, now you're one step back. Too bad OM found his wifes cell phone log.
Sure, in some ways it may be good. OM knows that WW had been confiding in me, and I'm sure that will put a further wedge between their trust, but it also puts a wedge between WW and I. She now does not trust me, again. And any progress we'd made towards getting back together has been stalled.
Most definately. Now they will go deeper into secrecy.
And, from WW's perspective, all I did was prevent her from getting "closure" and cause her more pain by intervering.
She wanted him to sweep her off her feet, tell her how sorry he was and have hot sex. Too F'n bad.
What do you all think?
I would beat the F out of OM, period. Then I would kick my wifes skanky a$$ to the curb.
Let her REALLY suffer the consequences of HER actions. Maybe 5 years down the road you'll be happily married with some Hottie and she would have been dumped by OM for some OW. Hopefully she'll be F'n broke and you would have Won the Lotto. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I'm almost wishing this happens with my wife. Go live with your friggin soulmate, see how F'n great he is.
I'm not stating these opinions to start a pi$$ing contest or anything else.
I'm having very SERIOUS doubts about my Saving my own marriage.
Are these WS's HONESTLY worth saving?
WHY?
Will they ever learn from this? How friggin long will it take?
I know that the WS can get caught up in the FOG and the excitement of the affair, but the WS knows damn well the PAIN they are inflicting.
I'm not sure if I want to try anymore.
These F'n WS are Selfish, self centered A-holes.
I'm not sure why they are worth saving?
What if we move on and find someone who is 10x better than our WS?
How will we ever know unless we move on?
Yeah, I'm Pi$$ed.
Do other BS ever think this way or am I the only one? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Good Luck Gramm. Whatever happens you'll be fine. You're a bigger man than me.
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TA: step away from the crack pipe!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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TA: step away from the crack pipe! What's that supposed to mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
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TA:
I'll talk to you on your thread.
Give us a recap of your situation.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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TA,
Sounds like you are indeed hurting, maybe you should be careful about giving advice when you are feeling this way...like Mimi said, update your thread and I'm sure many would be willing to offer you much needed support...take care of you!!!
Gramn,
Sorry to hear about the recent snafu, but you are doing great, and eventually your being strong enough to console your wife in the face of your own pain will awe her...I was and am so amazed by my h's strength and courage during and since my shabby A behavior, no words can ever express...you guys will get there Gramn, keep it up!
Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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TA: step away from the crack pipe! What's that supposed to mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> It means you need to knock it off, TA. This was over the top. Beating up the OM is not a manly thing to do, but a childish indulgence in angry emotions that would land one's a*s in jail real quick. That is not a sign of manliness.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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TA: step away from the crack pipe! What's that supposed to mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> It means you need to knock it off, TA. This was over the top. Beating up the OM is not a manly thing to do, but a childish indulgence in angry emotions that would land one's a*s in jail real quick. That is not a sign of manliness. I wasn't suggesting that Gramm beat up OM. I was merely stating what I would do. What's so childish about destroying OM who is ruining a family?
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Gramm:
TA's advise doesn't even match his own actions. He never confronted his wife's OM nor exposed his wife at her workplace. That is why nothing ever changed for the better for him. He remains a bitter angry person and will likely not save his marriage.
You are doing a great job with your difficult case but things are turning against your WW and her fantasy affair is not matching reality of life. She will come back to you before it is over with.
Last edited by TooSoonToBeComfortable; 08/21/05 03:48 PM.
Married 20 yrs at time of affair
DD: 1/16/04
NC: Since 4/14/04
FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months.
MC: For Awhile
Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends.
Progress: Doing very well.
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Gramm:
TA's advise doesn't even match his own actions. He never confronted his wife's OM nor exposed his wife at her workplace. That is why nothing ever changed for the better for him. He remains a bitter angry person and will likely not save his marriage.
All of your statement is correct.
I am now going to hire a PI, calling one Monday am.
I would confront OM in a split second "if" I knew for sure who he was.
I'm 99.9% sure when I do confront that a fist fight will break out. I'll make sure it does. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I don't want to beat the **** out of someone without being 100% sure.
You are doing a great job with your difficult case but things are turning against your WW and her fantasy affair is not matching reality of life.
Yes, Gramm is doing a great job.
She will come back to you before it is over with.
That's the part I'm not sure of.
Do we really want them back?
Will she come back because she has no one else to turn to?
What is the real reason she is coming back?
Sometimes I think all of us here at MB get carried away with using these MB principles to do whatever it takes to get the WS back.
Do we ever step back and ask WHY?
Is it really worth it?
This is where I am confused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Sorry for threadjacking Gramm.
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Look TA, I know you did the MC with SH but your fear of losing your wife prevented you from doing the right proven steps. You were sucked in by posters who were telling you your wife was not in an affair and you embraced them since that is what you wanted to hear.
You didn't do the things it took to save your marriage and the things I refer to are the things Dr. Harley came up with as a result of his lifetime of studying infidelity.
In my case, I read everything I could get my hands on and I tried everything I was taught on these boards and in those books. Exposure is the hardest tool for a BS to use but it is the one that works the best. It was the most effective tool that worked for me. BS's think they will automatically lose their WS if they expose them but it has proven over and over it works the opposite.
In my case, Dr. Harley's tools worked. His teachings disrupted my FWW's affair. He made me understand fog talk and his studies predicted the actions by my FWW. He taught me how to disrupt the affair by bringing reality into the affair. His teachings taught me how to deal with my FWW's withdrawal, and once over, how to rebuild our marriage.
Most of Dr. Harley's teachings are on these boards everyday by all these wonderful people who lived the life and are now sharing their experiences with others, WS's and BS's alike.
My marriage is better than ever and it was very much worth saving. We openly talk about the affair, the emotions, the OM, and the impact it had on our lives. Keeping the family together is difficult when there is a thief trying to take it away from you.
TA, you cannot come on this board with an aggressive combative approach and not be that way at home with your wife daily. Her lover doesn't treat her that way and that is why she remains connected to him and disconnected from you. When are you going to learn and then earn your wife's heart back. It may not even be possible at this time since the shock value of disruption is long gone. She is comfortable being a cake-eater and living a dual life.
TooSoon
Married 20 yrs at time of affair
DD: 1/16/04
NC: Since 4/14/04
FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months.
MC: For Awhile
Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends.
Progress: Doing very well.
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TA, you cannot come on this board with an aggressive combative approach and not be that way at home with your wife daily.
Her lover doesn't treat her that way and that is why she remains connected to him and disconnected from you. When are you going to learn and then earn your wife's heart back. It may not even be possible at this time since the shock value of disruption is long gone. She is comfortable being a cake-eater and living a dual life.
TooSoon
This is the reason I stopped doing anything. I guess I gave up.
I'm going to hire this PI tomorrow so I will at least know who OM is and I can decide from there "if" I want to save this marriage.
Right now I could give a F.
If I decide not to do anything more, then I will move out Jan 2, 2006.
This is my Plan B letter:
[color:"red"] GoodBye Diane.[/color]
That's my letter, 2 friggin words.
If she wants me back she'll know my new address.
If I don't hear from her within 2-3 months that she doesn't want to save the marriage then I'm gone.
Hello Ladies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I've had it with these WEAK, SELFISH, SELF CENTERED, A-HOLES... F'N had it.
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TA, dude? Don't you have your own thread? I have been there though. There have been plenty of times that I ask if all this planning and effort is worth it. But to me, I know that it is. Years later, I want to be able to say that I did everything that I could to save my marriage. I want to have NO REGRETS about "I should have tried this or that" to save it.
Anyway, today WW seemed in a much better mood, nicer to me. Unless she is just starting to see the truth, that almost makes me feel more nervous...
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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I still don't know where I stand with her. She is not telling me stuff relating to OM, but that is not surprising. Otherwise, she's been pretty decent to me. Saying that she might invite me to lunch today... It might just be a show for her visiting relatives. Who knows? Also, she sent me a photo of a friends baby on her cell phone. Sorta odd for someone who was just chewing me out the day before... Hmmm?
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Gramn,
Sounds like your wife is teetering...that's good, keep on doing what you're doing to make sure that she falls your way...
Just curious, did you call OMW and tell her about him snooping on her cell phone call log?
Also, something we were talking about, and thought we'd pass on to you...OM is not looking to see your W just to break things off...think about it, when men don't want to see someone anymore, they do everything in their power NOT to have to do it in person...they either stop calling altogether, or they are quick and to the point on the phone, kinda like ripping off a bandaid...the last thing they want to do is to be face to face to deal with any drama...OM wants more than closure and goodbye, you can be sure...what a jerk! Anyway, that's just our opinion, formed from our years of being in the "dating scene", we could be wrong, but we doubt it...
We are still here rooting you on Gramn, you're doing an unbelievable job with this!
Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I guess, as I've said for a while, this affair is falling apart, but I don't know if that does me any good.
From what I have heard, OM has been lying abouot my WW somehow making himself out to be innocent.
Wondering, I DO know what you're getting at there. From what I can tell, OM vascilates between wanting no contact and wanting it. Maybe he doesn't know...
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Today WW went to her new job at the school to start setting up. One of the administrators told her that a parent had called complaining "Do you know what type of person you hired?". She was very upset and, of course, blamed me.
I do feel bad for her, I guess rumors spread fast in a small town. Well, she does know that I didn't spread any rumors...
I am also responsible for forcing OM to break up with her. She said that she was sure that I was at least 50% responsible. She told me that in a condemning way, but I thought, Really? Great!
She is convinced that OM does not love his wife and only went back to her for his kids...
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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