Thanks people.

Wonderings: That restraining order is interesting. I don't know if it is really possible, but i can ask.

Believer: I know that WW and OM were out of contact for a while from her pathetic behavior, but I didn't bother to ask exactly they were in or out of contact. What does that matter now?

ShatteredDreams: It's hard to dissapear for months because we have to bring our 2 yr old daughter back and fourth all the time. Ican probably jsut not talk to her and keep these transfers as short as possible though...

Gramm,

I have never posted to you before, but I have been following your story here.

I just wanted you to know I am sorry for how this has turned just when things started to look better.

Keep the faith and stay strong, I see in you a man who will make it either way this turns out.

God Bless you

Hurtinginokla

Thanks Hurting. From your signature details, it looks like you've been through a lot too!

yeah more that I care to admit... Been a rough road but I'll be ok just as I know you will.

Gramm:

You must get ahold of the OMW and talk with her. If both of you put pressure on your spouses and bring pain to their affair, you still may be able to disrupt it. Do not trust anything she says at this time, she will lie as she needs or wants to. She was befriendling you, having dinner with you, telling you it was over, encouraging you to find a woman, and still seeing her OM. Fog state WS's are all the same.

Your best hope is to talk with daily and team up with her OMW. If you don't have any success, plan B is crucial so you don't fall out of love with her completely. Her relationship was built on quick sand and it will not likely survive but if you see her and allow the pain to cause you to hate her, you will not be able to take her back when she will want you to.

The odds are against them to succeed. It may only last a few months in the open. The reality of the world will cause them both to see that nothing has substantially changed other than the partner, but it came with a huge price, the families.

Don't give up hope and fight this battle hard and make the price costly.

TooSoon

Thanks toosoon... This fight is very costly to me too. I'm so tired of fighting all this! I'll contact OMW today or tomorrow and start B soon too...

Gramm:

Treat this OM like a thief coming into your house who is harming your family. You must do whatever it takes to distrupt the affair. Cause them grief, embarrassment, humiliation, and as much pain as possible. Tell their employers, co-workers, families, ministers, or whoever can help implement the stated grief, embarrassment, humiliation, and the pain. At this point, you have NOTHING to lose.

The OMW is a very important person to befriend right now. You can stategize together. She may need the help of MB to get by too. Let your WW know you are going to make an attempt to take away her child as a result of her drinking, driving in a recklass manner with your child in the car, and as a result of her affair with no respect to her child's welfare. She has shown a damaging pattern to herself and it will get the judges attention.

You have got to turn this into a bloodbath my friend. The pain for her has got to be so severe that she needs to tuck her tail between her legs and come home and redeem herself to her family. At this point, there is nothing you can do that will hurt the relationship since she has made the choice to leave.

Quit being nice as of now. She wants you to be her friend so she can use you. Stop being her friend and put her on notice that she will lose custody for being an unfit and reckless mother. Tell her you have already talked to a lawyer and he feels you have a strong case for custody. I actually think you do. Pull out all the stops, blackmail her, or do whatever is necessary to prevent her from going to the next level.

Some may not like this agressive post, but what other choice do you have....none. Keep us posted.

TooSoon

Gramn.

Ouch. Rough day.

Stand strong, Bro. I am praying for you. You have the best ground support any person could ever wish for. I hardly post any more - I can come over and read Mortar's post to you, and it feels as if it were written for me. We are driving a parallel road. Different curves, but the same road. Yours looks like it will go someplace good. Keep your chin up.

You will make it. Find the positive attitude. Read the Dr. Phil book. (like you need to read another book. But it is good!) It will help you get your nerves toned up for this.

God's speed to you, sir.

far

Hang in there Foundareason.

DD spent the night at home last night. --She didn't have to. It was WW's evening to spend with her, but after her revelation the other day, she thought that I might not want to be alone on Sunday night and offered that DD could stay with me. [TRANSLATION: She wanted a date w OM and DD out of the way for the night]
Well, I gladly spent time with DD and TRIED to ignore whatever was going on with WW...

This morning, I dropped off DD at WW's apartment. I saw 1/2 empty wine glasses and bowls of strawberries. I almost wanted to be ill! She said "why are you giving me a look like that, like you want to kill me?" I was not intentionally making a look, but she can connect the dots herself...

She really does not get it. She still calls me acting like nothing is wrong.

Gramm,

I have been gone for a week and just caught up on your thread. I am so sorry for the turn of events.

Your WW is SO SElFish and fogbound!! And you are still her confidant to her OM relations.

I am surprised you have not gone DARK on her yet. Please go to plan B and use that Plan B letter you thought was so great. Just type out the letter and fill in the blanks.

By not communicating with her anymore will help you immensly. She is unintentionally (or intentionally) tearing you apart with her uncaring banter to you about her OM problems and successes.

GO PLAN B NOW!!!

k

I plan to go plan B tommorrow.

It's been hard for me to figure out how to "just do it" for some reason...

I've been working on my letter, but I don't like it yet.

I'll post it here tomorrow...

Ahh man that sucks. I have been away for a while but tried to follow and was really pulling for you.

Plan A B C D or whatever.

What you need is a break. A selfish break like she has taken. Not a break to find someone else but you need to rediscover yourself. Take the time to decide if this is really what you want. Can she change to make you happy. Really happy, not just there.

You have put up with too much to have this continually thrown in your face. You need to step back and get her drama out of your life for a while. I realize it will be tough because of your daughter. However you cannot be the emotional support and doormat for your wife. You need to cut her out of your life and regain your sanity.

She needs to learn what being alone is like. She has left you alone for months and rubbed your face in it. Conversation about anything but your DD are off limits. Money problems go through the lawyer. This is not a punishment to her but a time to heal yourself. She cant choose you to be her friend but not her husband. It is an all or nothing deal. It is her choice. You have fought a cival fight but she needs a severe dose of reality.

THe affair will die. There is already an element of distrust. Forget the OMW and all that garbage. Let it run its course naturally. That way you cannot be blamed for meddleing. Ok you will still get blammed but it is not your concern. Focus on you and getting yourself over this and ready to move on with your life.

I dont want to give you false hope but as you read many times on here this is what it takes. You almost need to get over her before she realizes you CAN get on with life without her. Then you become more attractive all the time she is learning all the ways the OM is annoying and an F up in ways you never were. Exposure did not work. You have to leave it up to fate. If it is meant to die it will and this time for good. Not by your doing.

At this point she will crawl back to you. Hopefully by then you will be in a position to decide if it is what you really want.

Take care and best of luck in Plan B. STICK TO YOUR PLAN. IF you give in a little you give up more ground.

Gramn,

I am sorry to hear of the latest turn in your sitch.

It is time Gramn. It may or may not matter to your W but this is what is best for you! Becuase of what has happened to me, and how things went I will never say "NEVER". Just too many things can happen.

I wish you luck and part of plan B is that you never put yourself in the situation to see any evidence of her affair again. Heck, I was divorced and needed to get my boys equipment for a game and there was evidence of morning coffee and I wanted to puke....and I refused to enter the door for anything...I resolved myself to enter again only if it was burning and I needed to get my boys out..you must get to this place Gramn, for your own sanity...

Good luck my friend...

I hope to see future updates on YOU and your DD...

Thanks people. What is driving me MOST crazy right now is the thought of OM being around my DD. Ugh. Someone mentioned getting a restraining order against the guy being aroud her. I don't know if that is possible, but it sounds like a good idea.

Here is my B letter so far. I am still working on it, so it's pretty generic so far...
-----------------------
Dear WW,
In all our time together, I never imagined us reaching the point where we are today. I am saddened by what has become of our marriage and our family. I love you more than anything else in this world, and want to remain married to you.

The six years that we have been together were filled with an endless number of hugs, smiles, tears and laughs. I have loved you every minute of every day that we have spent together. I’ve loved you this entire time: though sickness and depression, pregnancy, moves, tedious work schedules and this separation.

I have told you I will always be there for you, and that I mean to forgive you. But your affair continues to inflict great pain on me. Continued contact with you will eventually destroy my love for you.

THE POINT: I cannot see or talk to you any longer. If you end your affair and choose to discuss returning to a life with me, I will welcome the discussion. Until that time, it will not be possible for me to have ANY contact with you. We share a wonderful little daughter & will always be linked in regards to her, but

Gramn; I really feel for you and am wishing you the best.
If it were me I'd be pitch black. Not a chance she would get even a peep out of me, and any DD talk would be kept to one syllable a day. Not to hurt WW, but to give her a chance to see the ramifications. Does she REALLY want to lose you and understand all that means?

Gramm, have you spoken to the OMW yet?

I called her yesterday, but she hasn't returned my call.
It's often hard for me to know what her deal is...

Any more comments on the letter? I'm looking for improvments.
I especaially need to set a few rules...

latest version:

Dear WW,
In all our time together, I never imagined us reaching the point where we are today. I am saddened by what has become of our marriage and our family. I love you more than anything else in this world, and want to remain married to you.

The six years that we have been together were filled with an endless number of hugs, smiles, tears and laughs. I have loved you every minute of every day that we have spent together. I’ve loved you this entire time: though sickness and depression, pregnancy, moves, tedious work schedules and this separation.

I have told you I will always be there for you, and that I'd like to forgive you. But your affair continues to inflict great pain on me. Continued contact with you is destroying my love for you.

THE POINT: I cannot see or talk to you any longer. If you end your affair and choose to discuss rebuilding to a life with me, I will welcome the discussion. Until that time, it will not be possible for me to have ANY contact with you. We share a wonderful little daughter & will always be linked in regards to her.

Please respect my decision. You can leave me voicemails or other pertinant messages related to her, and I will respond with a confirmation message to you. I will not answer the phone.

If you need to communicate with me about anything else, send me an email. If there is anything that you still need from the house I will bring them to you when I pick up DD or leave the items in the garage for you to pick up. I will continue to cover my part in our shared expenses as I have throughout the summer, and I trust you will do the same.

-------, my wish is for us to create a new relationship, to build a new life where each thing we do, every day of our lives, makes us both happy My willingness to do this in the worst of times is part of the promise I made to you 5 years ago. And I do still believe in you. But right now, letting you go and distancing myself from your actions is the only way I can protect my heart. I don't do this in anger. I need to restore some normalcy to my life so that I can remain healthy, find peace, and rebuild myself as a human being.

Thinking of you always,
-GRAMN

I think the letter is good as is.

Gramm

Just read your proposed plan b letter, only comment I have is that you haven't address how you will handle access to your daughter e.g. picking her up and dropping her off with minimal or no contact with WW. I think that this needs to be clear in the letter - but I am not an expert and there are probably others out there with more experience with this stuff.

I think your letter is great and it brought a tear to my eye reading it and I don't even know you, have only be following your situation on MB, so I am hopeful for you that it will have the desired effect on your WW.

Good luck and take care