Normally she will call and talk to DD once or twice when it is not her day to spend with her.

How about letting her wait until DD gets to her house to talk to her? She doesn't need to talk to her when you have her, does she? Your W is the one who wanted this seperation after all. This would make it impossible for you to avoid her calls, which would ruin Plan B.

Hello Gramn -

Did you check with your attorney regarding obtaining a retraining order versus OM? It is my understanding some states allow this.

I do not know if that will speed up getting your marriage back...I think ML and Mortarman's opinion on that is important.

BTW - Where is Mortarman. Did he send you a plan B letter? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mr. Wondering

NO, Here is how I can handle it... If WW calls and I feel like it, I will answer and give the phone to DD. DD might listen a little then say a few words and then say "bye mom".
Then I take the phone and I hang up.
No talking or listening from me at all. Is that enough of "No Contact"?

YES GRAMN..exactly..my xw found a lot of reasons to call our boys and I would not speak to her at all...

What then became a problem was when she called to discuss "behavior issues"..which basically meant that she wanted to complain....I barely listened...as a parent I had to but she would become very frustrated as I had NOTHING TO SAY!...except..."The boys are behaving exactly like I said they would because of your divorce"......that would anger her and cut the conversation short. Now the difference here is that was not an LB to me and if it was I did not care...I was already divorced...

Don't do things that would anger her...just do what is best for you...if she gets angry...too bad...this is all about you and your daughter now...

My job has had me locked down all week...very busy this week. I'll be back on tonight to get caught up.

In His arms.

Well, she did not contact me last night, which I thought she would to discuss the letter.
This morning, she emailed and called me to clarify. (Note: I don't think this is "breakinig my plan" yet as I am still getting it all established)
----------------------------
Here is some of her response email:

It seems to me like what you wrote is a good idea, you do need to rebuild
yourself as a person, as a healthy individual, but the way you've chosen to
go about it is next to impossible. I will not allow my daughter to be with
someone that I cannot contact, so you have to make some changes to your
plan. I will not let my daughter be with someone who has warned me he will
not pick up the phone for me when he is with her. As far as not talking the
rest of the time, fine, but not when she's with you, NO way. So make some
tweaks to your decision and we'll agree to it. Not to mention, it is not
YOUR door, that house is half mine and I have every right to come and go as
I please in it until you sell it and give me what is mine or buy me out now.
So make a choice. The things we own have not yet been divided fairly either.
I will respect the fact that you do not wish to see me any more than
necessary but realize that you will inevitably have to see me.

As far as my life and my relationships, they are just that, mine. You do not
interfere or have anything to do with them. It's too bad that you could not
find it in your heart to allow me to do what you are choosing to do now, if
you think about it, it's what I wanted too and back then you refused.

So, stop judging me and suggesting that the course my life is taking is evil
and that the only way you can heal is getting away from the evil that is me.
Focus on yourself and getting away from your anger and resentment, because
although you say that's not where all this is coming from, sure it is.

Please notify me of the changes you will make in order to allow
communication when you are with DD. I will not agree to this otherwise
and I need to know quickly if I need to get (Lawyer) involved or not. I'd
rather not have to...

--------------------------------------------
After that, we talked a little and got it ironed out for now. We'll see how it goes this weekend when I take DD out of town.

Gramm,

Still doing that control thang ain't she?

Kind of strange reading her reply, I must say.

k

Gramm, you are on Day 1 of Plan B and you have already broken contact. You are not asking her to agree. You are TELLING HER HOW IT IS. Don't answer the phone. If she wants to withhold your visitations, she will have to answer to the judge and will be in serious trouble.

Now, I warned you this would happen and it is already happening.

Change the locks, Gramm!

Gramm,

Do not engage her in anyway. Let her see her attorney if she wants to. One important point of Plan B is that you be the one in control of how you interact with her. Following her here would undermine your Plan B efforts; She would still be in control.

In short, do not respond to any inquiries from her now or in the future. As Mel says, if she tries to mess with your time with your daughter, have her deal with your lawyer and the judge.

If you want to see some good examples of Plan B in action, check Formerly G.G. and Cymanca's sitches.

Go dark, my man. Go dark.

I second Mel's view: CHANGE THE LOCKS!

She is trying to force him to negotiate his Plan B to her liking. In short, she is trying to maintain complete control over the situation. She seems to forget that this is Gramm's DD too and that she does not have a "right" to speak to him whenever she chooses. What an entitlement mentality she has!

The easiest and least expensive way to do this is to remove all your locks and/or doorknobs and take them to a locksmith or key-cutter. They should be able to 'tumble the locks' and you just get new keys for your old (but re-configured) locks. Then, reinstall your locks/doorknobs. Total cost should be about about $100 - $150 for everything as opposed to the cost of replacing all locks and doorknobs.

YS

Someone needs to tell this young lady that this child has TWO parents, not just one. The girl has a FATHER too and she is not entitled to speak to that father whenever she chooses. Nor is she within her legal rights to prevent that father from seeing his own child. That FATHER has a right to decide to whom he speaks.

Gramm, come back here and talk to us, please. Please don't respond to her.

I haven't talked to her all day.

This morning my computer was down. She called me on my office phone and (not knowing that it was her) I naswered. She said... I have an email that I sent you.

Well, my computer was down and I didn't see this message unitl later.

She called me and I told her what will happen. she complained a lot. I said that sometimes I would let her talk directly to DD. I also said that sometimes I would not answer the phone at all. If she had a child care concern, then she can laave a message.

She complained some more and I hung up on her a few times. She didn't like that.

Overall, I wouldn't say I'm doing that great, but also that this is just starting. I am talking DD out of town to see family and friends today. WW will not be there, and can not control how often or not I answer her calls.

ok, can you see that she is doing exactly what I told you she would do? She is desperately to keep you on the plantation, under her control. She does NOT LIKE PLAN B. It takes away all her control.

Stand firm and don't let her ruin your credibility by getting you to break no contact. If she calls you at work again, refer her to your Plan B letter and tell her not to contact you again, then HANG UP. If she calls back, hang up. She will get the message that you are serious.

Better yet, can you let all your calls roll over to voicemail?


She probably plans on calling alot to "talk to DD" just to yank your chain. Don't let her do it. Let her get through about once, hand the phone to DD and then that's it. ok?

Are you ready to handle this, Gramm?

I'm ready for handing off phone calls or ignoring them, I'm nto sure what else to expect. I DON"T want to get to a point where she is calling Lawyers into this, and I DON'T want to make DD a pawn. This is not about our daughter, even if she want's to make it about that.

I know this is not really the main issue, but what do you think about occasional contact with WW's family? In the past, i sometimes talk to them over the computer. Most of them are on good terms with me. Some have encouraged her to get back together with me.

On the other hand, they are HER family, and could be considered the off limits.

My Dad supports breaking all contact with them.

I guess it's not that important. (It's not like I would say anything vital to any of them anyway)