Changing the locks will keep her out. She doesn't know the law, but she shouldn't be allowed to just barge in your house when the spirit moves her, and you know she will try.

It is her goal to keep you on the plantation.

Can I ask why you put yourself in situations like you did this morning? I think it would help if you would look for ways to NOT see her. Such as, from now on, have her leave the car seat at the day care or get another car seat. There are many different ways to skin a cat but I don't see you looking for alternatives, just ways to appease her. She feels like she is fully in control. And she is.

That's what I thought. So.....

When she shows up and wants to barge in, you take daughter and go for ice cream. And return once she has left.

In His arms.

I just met with my councilor guy again. He had some good ideas. Hopefully I'll keep getting better at this plan...

So, what did the counselor say?

Oh, I just talked to him about all of the stuff I've already posted here. He had some thoughts on how to do better at the no contact stuff.

He tried to put some of this stuff into perspective and was kinda shocked when I told him about some of WW's strange behavior...

Gramn,

$30-$60 = new car seat for your car.

Think of the next DD hand off....

Wife thinking it self, "Well, let's see if I can chat up Gramn while he's doing the usual car seat swap... Ok, here he comes to get DD..."

Gramn greets DD turns, gets quickly into his car, and leaves without acknowledging wife.

Wife left standing there staring with big eyes and a comicbook-like exclamation point over her head.

Stay strong,

YS

Happy Birthday Gramn!!!!!!

Not a bad idea in theory...
I do have a carseat for her, but she needs to gain a few more pounds before I can use it.
And as for buying one, I can barely afford FOOD right now with all of the bills that I've been hit with....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The difference between theory and execution is effort (or, on the flip side, procrastination). I understand money is tight, but you say that the DD switch is the biggest impediment to your plan B implementation. If you make the schedule and switch as efficient as possible using the suggestions that people have offered, I don't see why it has to be.

My wife and I have 2 kids and four car seats. Do you have any friends that have kids - could you borrow one? (a car seat I mean, not a kid – grin).

YS

Edited for typo.

Good point ask your friends, or your church if anyone has a spare, yard sales. anything that can help you stay in plan B is $$$$$$ worth spent.

Be sure to confirm this by casually driving by late at night on your off-custody days. You should know his car and license plate number. If he is there, snap a picture on your camera phone along with the days newspaper to confirm the date. Also journal it. Be sure to photograph her car as well to prove they are both there. If she does it once you'll likely get an excuse. So you will need to have a few instances.

A reminder to MM's post, if she takes days off of custody to be with OM you may need to confirm that with a camera, newpaper and journal entry as well. Just take DD for a late night ride to get ice creme or to help her sleep. To bad you can't borrow someone else's car to make the drive by. If she is likely to see you it may be detrimental to Plan B and not advisable.

When looking for a car seat indicate to friends that you only need it a few weeks until DD reaches the weight required for your new seat. Indicate that it is crazy to buy one for a couple weeks. Then you will not have to explain the whole situation or feel like your begging for handouts.

What is your side job again? Maybe someone here could provide some extra work for you. Plan B should eventually give you more time to re-dedicate yourself to work. If and when she does come home it may serve you well if you were making more money. Third parties may leak this info to WW as well despite Plan B. Just one way to SILENTLY attract her back to you. Not to mention, as I am sure you know, you should also be taking care of yourself and maintaining your physical appearance every time she sees you.

ACT

Gramn, Get your own car seat so that you don't have to see her and hand-off the car seat.

Best of Luck

Gramm

If you can't find a car seat to borrow, could you hire one for a few weeks? In the UK and New Zealand, Hire car companies hire them out, or there maybe some other options in the USA that you could try.

By the way, Happy Birthday for yesterday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This morning I did a pretty good job. When dropping DD off at daycare, I was already getting in my car to leave when WW arrived.



I could do this, but isn't plan B about just staying away from her and NOT obsessing about every thing she does or place she goes?

I thought of a friend who I might be able to get a seat from.


I design websites, magazine ads, logos, presentations and other graphics. If anyone is interested, post here and I'll email you back with samples.

Excellent!


Balance, Gramn. If you are headed over there in order to obsesse about the affair, then yes, that would be a Plan B violation. If you go over there, and make sure yo uarent seen, in order to get intel to protect your daughter...then no, that is NOT a Plan B violation. Rule number one in all of this...protect your daughter!

If you can have someone else do the intel, then that would be better. But I did exactly this. I would go out by my wife's apartment or OM's townhouse and check to see if the OM was there. I did this ESPECIALLY if she came up with me to have to keep the kids during her time. And I documented like was suggested above, with pictures and in the log. That way, when we went to court, I could prove that my wife was more interested in her carnal needs than her own children.

So, the idea is to stay away from her as much as possible. No interaction. Dont let her think you are anywhere near her. But if a situation comes up where you can protect your daughter by getting more intel, then by all means...get with it.

In His arms.

I'm getting a little better at NOT talking to her. I've seen her a few times, of course, but have not gotten into any converations.

This morning she was upset that I didn't get to the Daycare as soon as she wanted me to. I didn't care what she thought, or let her yell at me for being "late"... I just went about my business, gave DD a kiss and went to work. I still feel really crappy about all of this. I've got a lot of anger toward WW still... Of course, talking to her about it would serve no purpose...
For now, I am OK with this arrangment. I will be REALLY bothered this weekend though when OM will probably be hanging around DD...

I've still gotten no response from OMW... I don't know what her deal is...

I guess I shouldn't respond to this e-mail WW sent to me, but see what you think:

----------------------------------------------
I really think the example you’re setting for DD is terrible, she sees you walk right past me and treat me the way you are treating me and she doesn’t even know what to do or who to hug. It’s not fair to her. Do whatever you want to me, but quit putting her in the middle.

Didn’t you see her yesterday flopping back and forth from one of us to the other, and how excited she got when we each took a hand? We are not going to be married anymore, but she still has two parents, I think you should make the effort to set aside your feelings of hatred towards me at least while you’re in front of her.

Ignore it Gramn. SHE is the one putting DD in the middle and using her to get to you.

IMHO (as a newbie) I agree with faithful follower. And don't take DD's other hand when WW has one hand. Don't even get within 20 feet of WW. Be a cold-blooded hardhead.

True..do NOT respond.

But I cant resist responding to this stuff...


As opposed to the example Mrs. Gramn is setting by committing adultery, divorcing her father, and bringing this slimeball around her daughter. Immorality is always a good example for children, isnt it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Yes she does. She hugs both of you. Okay, no more hugs at the same time. But that isnt her father's fault. And about treating mrs. Gramn the way she is being treated...well, she earned it. Has nothing to do with anger or hatred, but of course, the fog will nto let her see that. Gramn, I would only respond with emailing back a copy of the Plan B letter. Let her see it again. Be a broken record.


She is right about that!! It isnt fair to her husband AND her daughter that she cant get her act straight and act as a moral, responsible woman. And her daughter has to learn her mother's poor example of being a woman, a wife and a mother. That aint fair!!


Let me see. Putting her in the middle would require Gramn to have a middle. But Gramn is in Plan B. There aint no middle (great English, huh? I just love the double negative!). Gramn is out of the game, off the ride. You see, for there to be a middle, then there has to be two ends. Gramn has refused (by going to Plan B) to be one of those ends. He has opted out of the mess. So, Mrs. Gramn is again wrong (as ALL WSs are...and about almost EVERYTHING they believe...they dont do wrong necessarily, they just ARE wrong! It is a state of being.) As I have always said, this stuff would be comical if it werent so darn serious!


Whaaack! Gramn, that was the virtual 2x4 upside your head. Your wife loves the idea of you being there for her, holding hands with the daughter. And you jumped in and helped her. Do not do this anymore, Gramn. If you are not walking with your daughter and her at the same time, you wont be pressured into holding hands togther.


HHhmmmm. Interesting. The fog is so prevalent in this one! Why cant Mrs. Gramn set aside her feelings of lust and immoral behavior for the good of the child? Why wont she keep the OM away from the child, for the good of the child?

-------------\\Ok ay Gramn, just wanted to help you vent there a little. Keep dark. No more holding hands and stuff like that. Any response from you should be a copy of the Plan B letter. Personally, I would send the PBL in response to that email. No other words though. No other response.

Stay dark. She will crack. You are NOT obligated to help her normalize her immoral behavior.

In His arms.