On the days that she takes DD to Daycare, I will either see her after WW has left, or not go at all...

Good deal, Gramm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Today I'm feeling more depressed than usual. It will be a long weekend without DD and with Plan B. I have things to do, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to stay motivated to do them.

Do a lot of stuff, Gramn. Fill your weekend with a list that you cannot possibly accomplish. Then dig in and keep going until exhaustion. Then go to sleep, and wake up Sunday and do the same thing. No sitting around. No quiet time. This weekend should be filled with changing the oil on the car, cleaning house, gardening, running, church, going to a movie, whatever. I had to do this also when the kids (who were living with me) went to stay with their mom for the weekend. All of a sudden, everything was quiet. So, I made sure I had those days filled with stuff away from home. I just got up and left for the weekend. In many cases, no one knew where I went. It was kind of nice actually.

You will get thru it. As much as we talk about the withdrawal of the WS in Plan B...we have to also acknowledge that there is withdrawal in the BS from the WS. It is tough. Yo uare getting an inkling of why it is so tough for the WS to break the bonds with the OP. It hurts, it is depressing. No way around it.

So, keep busy. Pray. And Monday will come quickly and you will have daughter back with you. Hang tight and stick to your boundaries.

In His arms.

Mortarman;

I'm recalling what you told me and it is true.

You said to me, something to the effect of: "Enjoy this time alone. This may be the only time in your life that you will be alone.

That has proven to be true. Now I can hardly find free time away from FWH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Gramn:

I didn't believe MM then but he was right on target. Have TRUST and FAITH... I'm betting that your WW will crack..She is such a typical WS..according to script....

Mimi,

I remember that. And you are so right. I cant even get 5 minutes in the bathroom without someone pounding on the door!

In His arms.

This morning, I brought WW's mail to her apt and stuck it in her mail box, so she would find it and not come to the house.

What happens? She apparently went to the house and text messaged me asking where it was!

So, I reply "In your mailbox".
Then she asks "when did you put it there?"

By now, I am done with this contact. She knows where her mail is, that is more than enough contact.

THen she calls me and I don't answer. She leaves a message. "Your daughter wanted to talk to you, but you didn't answer".
So, like a fool, I call back and now WW says "the moment has passed, she doesn't want to talk to you now."

So, I'm left feeling like not only a manipulated idiot but a bad father.
Using DD against me is SO low...

I asked before if you have an intermediary.

In my PLAN B, I blocked out all my H's means of contacting me..I didn't answer my cellphone or office phone numbers. Changed my home phone number...

I know this is more difficult with a small child...

However, she is WINNING...

It seems important for you to gain back control...

Hang in there....

How about that prepaid phone, Gramn. Give to your daughter and teach her to use it. Or if that doesnt work, leave note for your wife that this new cell phone number is for daughter to call (you keep the cell phone). That you will answer that phone and it should be your daughter on the other end. That phone calls should only come to that number from your daughter.

Either way, that is an easy fix to your problem.

I told you she would attack your boundaries. You recovered well. As she does, just find a way to close the gaps. Keep up the good work.

In His arms.

Gramm,

Hope you enjoy your quiet peaceful weekend.

It sounds like you and WW trade off keeping DD EVERY DAY?!?

If this is true, the constant shuffling might be the problem with your DD in school. Could you do it every week, or every 7 days? That would afford more stability for DD, knowing what bed she will be sleeping in that night.

This would probably cramp WW's style though. Makes more sense than every day!

k

EDITED TO READ: It would also lessen the contact that is going on during the Plan B (which shouldn't be happening anyway)

It's not nearly that complex, but it is not as simple as every week either.

Maybe something like what I did for a brief period of time last year when my wife up and left again. I started a 4 day rotation. Kids would be with me for four days, then wife for four days. This made it so that every week would be different. One of us didnt always get Saturday or Monday. You get the idea.

A thought.

In His arms.

I'd love something like that. So far, WW won't agree to anything entirely fair...

Just wondering how you are, Gramn.

What a weekend...
Well, it was supposed to be WW's weekend to spend with DD, so I went out with one of my buddies on friday night, and planned things to keep myself occupied. i got some work done, cleaned up the house, etc...

BUT, on saturday afternoon, WW shows up at the house with DD complaining that she doesn't have her child support check, and that my lack of contact with her is traumitizing DD and that I should sell the house, and blah, blah, blah...

I said "I'm not having this conversation" and didn't get into it with her... But she is still driving me crazy!

The MOST interesting thing though, while her mother was ranting, DD came to me to hold her and was really upset when WW made her leave soon after that. So, DD knows who she can trust...

On Sunday, WW sent me a message asking if I wanted to see DD for a little while. I thought about this and responded, I was available to see her from 1-6 and had plans to go out of town, so it couldn't be a shorter amount of time. I got her to go along with it. Although I'd rather avoid these "negotiations" it was good in that I'm continuing to be the responsible parent (while WW went off to see OM, I spent time with DD and her grandparents) and it keeps DD away from OM at least for a little while.

SO, overall, I have done a good job of cutting out any contact w WW that doesn't have to do with DD, but I wish I could do much better at avoiding the contact with WW that does pertains to DD.

Gramm
Sounds like you had a good weekend. I think it is good that WW turned up with DD to see you on Saturday, even if it was used as an excuse to complain at you. She was probably checking up on you!

Re your DD coming to you, that is a good sign - she must feel secure with you, and that is what little girls need in their lives - security and safety, not a ranting and raving parent. Good job on not engaging with WW when she was ranting as well.

Also re taking you DD on Sunday - well done, I think take every opportunity you can to have DD when WW is supposed to have her, and note these instances down as previosly advised by other wise MB.

So overall you got to see DD on both days - not a bad result for a weekend when you weren't meant to see her at all.

And she will be with me tonight again too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gramm,

So annoying is RIGHT!! Your WW just CAN NOT STAND IT that you elect to bow out of her drama!! Without you, there is no drama and her life is an empty shell.

Plus she can't stand not being totally in control.

That she could not even spend the weekend alone with DD shows how boring and empty her "single life" is already.

If you could go completely dark on her for a month, she will be begging to move back in.

I can't wait to see what her next "excuse" is to make contact with you. This seems to be her new "drama" or game.

I would look for the intermediary person, if one could be found. She keeps finding ways to have contact with you.

Stay strong, un-emotional, non-committed, and strictly enforcing the plan B.

k

Thanks for the support. Those are all things that i NEED to do, but that are easier in theory than practice...

Gramn,

Thanks a lot for checking in on my thread! I read yours occassionally too, but am not sure if I ever posted. you always seemed to be getting good advice from the vets. I've been in Plan B a month now --- no real signs that a remorseful H will come back yet.