I agree. You say nothing, look him in the eyes and maybe grin a little. Kind of like you know something he doesn't know. CAUSE YOU DO. You know you are a man of integrity. He will likely look down or away in embarassment, shame and/or guilt. A sh1t eating grin from you is the most unlikely response...he would be expecting so much more...but that only serves to hurt your case and feed the affair partners. A grin attacks his insecurities as well. By laughing at him he will interpret that to mean the worst of himself. He'll beleive you think he's a dork, ugly, a wimp, etc. whatever his mind can churn out of it's spineless roots.

He is not worth your time or breath.

I think this would also be a good strategy if he confronts you (cause you got lowlife fired). Laugh at his ridiculous childish behavior for the same reasons and purpose above. Just say "whatever loser" and walk away. You are better than him and he knows it.

The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. He does not exist in Gramn's world.

If he hits you. Your choice, pummel him or call the cops and press charges. You can use it in your child custody case.

JMHO.

Mr. Wondering

If he hits him, how about pummel him AND then call the cops. After all, he was just defending himself.

Okay, I know. Dont get out the 2x4s.

In His arms.

hmmmmmm, maybe a real 2x4 would be in order.

W

Hehe, even after teaching martial arts and 15 years active duty, I've got to say this...I still prefer the beer truck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now, when I was REALLY mad at the OM, I'd considered something a LOT smaller...like maybe about 5.56mm. Luckily I got past that stage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gramm,

Your daughter is the most important person in your wifes life and she knows that the OM does not want to have these discussions with her. She may not want to discuss your daughter with him as these responsibilities are not part of the fantasy. You are the person that meets that need for her. Give her the opportunity to see the OMs reaction when she tries to get him to meet this need. All your daughter needs from you is your love. The drama that your wife wants you and your daughter to be part of is far worse for her than a good Plan B relationship at this point.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

lol
You people are no help... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I liked the smiling indifference thing.

Ok Guys and gals, I was out voted only 100 to 1. Remember, I never had to do Plan B so I speak from no personal reference, just from reading. I will have to go along with the people who have walked in Gramm's shoes. I will try and read up on your case MM when I get a chance. I have been away all day.

Gramm, Try a little of Plan A through Z till you can bust up the lovers, drive your car over the OM, and get your wife back where she belongs.

No matter what you do, you have a long uphill battle, but you can prevail in time.

TooSoon

Perhaps I should send ya a can of Texas whoop [censored] to open on him? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, I'm getting better at this "No contact" thing, but not good enough.

I have been handling almost all communication with her through email or 1 word text messages.

Today I dropped off DD at her apartment and did it in such a way that I didn't need to talk to WW.

These communication challanges KEEP coming up though, so I'll have to figure out how to get past them one at a time.

And that is how you do it Gramn. Just do better than you did yesterday. And tomorrow, do better than you did today.

In His arms.

Hi Gramn,

Just curious, in the 2.5 weeks you've been attempting your Plan B, are there any days where you've had absolutely no contact with your WW? If not, can you identify a pattern of daily contact and make a simple plan to eliminate it? (similar to what you've done with the carseat drop off - though, again, this potential contact would be 100% eliminated if you borrowed yourself a second car seat).

You still sound like you are in 'react' mode when your WW does something (i.e. calls you) and not in 'act' mode (i.e. having a pre-thought out plan of action ready to foil whatever your WW tries to do to break your plan B). Planning makes action easier.

Good luck. Stay strong.

YS

There is no specific pattern, and you're right, making a plan would help a little.

There have been days that I have talked to DD over wife's phone or vice versa, and that is all. I haven't counted though.

For example, tonight after work, I need to go pick up DD for the weekend. No big deal.
So WW sends me a message saying "Would you mind if I brought DD to you an hour early." That is fine with me, but IS IT? Is agreeing to this being too accomodating to WW? Or would saying no serve some purpose?

Gramm,

It seems like EVERY DAY she thinks up some reason to see you. Using your DD to do it.

I would say NO. This would give her an idea of your dedication to Plan B.

And I do think it might be too accomidating for her. And you don't have to give her a reason why.

Somewhere, sometime you must take a stand.

Stay strong!

k

How about saying nothing? Dont respond. Just pretend like you never got the message. Then she will bring your daughter on time. make sure you document though. Document all the times that she wants you to take her early or take her when she is supposed to have her.

Stay dark. Her question does not require an answer.

In His arms.

Hi Gramm,

I am with MM: "Don't respond". Have WS drop off DD as scheduled.

My WS is a freelancer who didn't have to think too hard about 'job committments' before because I was a permanent 'back-up'. Not so anymore since he moved out and I am in PLAN B! He has our boys (S9 & S15) one week, I have them one week, and I am not waiting at the end of the other line to make changes to accommodate him with job committments at the drop of a hat. They now have to be reasonable and discussed weeelllll in advance! Don't think he likes it, and it's not what he expected.

Continue eliminating unnecessary contact, the sooner the better for the full effect both for your WS and yourself.

I don't post much but I am following your thread. You are getting good advice.

By the way, in case you are statistically inclined, I am with OWL and the 'beer truck'.

Weighing in with...

a) Don't respond.

b) No beer truck, just a wicked knowing half-smile.

I guess what I need to get better at is "If in doubt, don't respond at all"

Not too much to report.
I've spent a lot of time with DD and have kept any contact with WW to a minimum.

I sent WW an email about DD's haloween costume that Grandma and I made. WW was upset that we did this without her involvment. Well, what can she do? We don't get to do fun stuff like that if we're not together?

"I sent WW an email about DD's haloween costume that Grandma and I made."

Are you in Plan A or Plan B? "A" here stands for APPEASEMENT.