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Sincerely,
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Doowie, Cheatum & Howe, P.C.
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Mr. Ima Gunnasoo
Attorney at Law bwahahahahahhahaaaaaa! That is a scream, MrW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's been an uneventful weekend, except that I boxed up all of WW's stuff that was still in the house. If she wants it, she can come and get it.
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Mr.Wondering,
That was awesome. I would not change a thing! It is interesting that Gramn's attorney says he shouldnt expose. I wonder why, as I dont see any legal problem with this. That letter you just wrote is the truth. It isnt like the Y-Guy can do anything about it. And how does that hurt Gramn in his petition for custody?
Gramn,
Things are going along okay then. As long as you are dark, then things are good...no matter which way this goes. I again would encourage you to expose and to get more and more intel everyday that will help you get custody. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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It is interesting that Gramn's attorney says he shouldnt expose. I wonder why, as I dont see any legal problem with this. That letter you just wrote is the truth. It isnt like the Y-Guy can do anything about it. And how does that hurt Gramn in his petition for custody? It could be used to say I'm vindictive or something. I don't know if that would be a successful tactic, but it is somehting my wife talked about when I wrote to the Y before. Laywer was against this idea purely from a financial standpoint. He figured, if she marries this guy, then I'd be off the hook... Things are going along okay then. As long as you are dark, then things are good...no matter which way this goes. I again would encourage you to expose and to get more and more intel everyday that will help you get custody. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! No, contact is still difficult. I had to go by WWs classroom this morning to pick up DD's medicine (that WW had forgotten to pack for me). It shoudln't have been a big deal, and in one sense, it wasn't. But I saw her there and she looked really...GOOD... It really just made me feel even s#!ttier, lonlier, more depressed. It's not like she did anything to me or that we were fighting or anything... One reason I am thinking of just forgetting the exposure now is that I really want this drama to end. Doing more exposure will pull me back into the worst part of plan A!!! I'm trying to do plan B! I'm not just talking about the no contact part. I'm talking about taking care of myself and not worrying about what or who she is doing. That is VERY hard, but screwing around with this exposure again will put me back to where I was this summer...
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Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Exposure and the threat of more exposure is the number reason I am still married today. I think it is the best tool to disrupt the affair and bring the WS back to reality and family, yet it the tool that BS's fear to use.
TS
Married 20 yrs at time of affair
DD: 1/16/04
NC: Since 4/14/04
FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months.
MC: For Awhile
Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends.
Progress: Doing very well.
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Gramn, so your lawyer wants the OM to be able to support your WW after the divorce? Not to damage his earning capacity? From a purely pragmatic standpoint, I understand. From a MB standpoint, standing for your marriage, I disagree.
As long as what you write is truthful, factual, and so forth, as long as your purpose isn't malicious, I don't see the problem with the letter as drafted.
If Slimeball sues, truth is a defense, right?
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On second thought even if Gramn wanted to expose with the comparable letter to the one I drafted above I do not think his lawyer would send it on his letterhead. The lawyer was not there to verify everything Gramn states in the letter and will not want to get sued for slander/defamation himself. He also will not recommend sending it as he is your Divorce field commander and he is only concerned with your divorce battle plan. Saving your family/marriage is of no concern to him and not what you hired him for.
Perhaps consider sending a similiar letter yourself just informing the new YMCA about this guy and why he no longer works at your local YMCA. One letter. No follow up or anything. You do not have to pursue this like last summer nor must you push them to fire him. Just expose him and let the outside world shine a light on OM and his insidious relationship with your wife. OM will be furious at you and maybe WW. Maybe he's seeing this relationship as too difficult already when he can pursue other single women without kids and without "crazy" husbands. WW can't yell at you because you won't respond. Reality only will shine in their little world and likely cause some tension. Maybe not...but you are still fighting for your marriage or at least hoping to bust up the affair so your daughter will not be exposed to OM for the rest of her life.
If you are interested in pursuing this I can revise my letter for you and for comments by others. If not, so be it. It's your call either way.
Mr. Wondering
p.s.- One thought - if you do not inform YMCA maybe Y-guy will be free to meet and seduce some other single or married woman at the new Y. What he does with WW he'll do to WW.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I am totally with Mr. W. Gramn, you wont go back to this past summer, because you are in Plan B. So, she wont be able to go off on you, because you are in NC.
The right thing to do is to expose this guy.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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EXPOSE YGUY TO THE NEW Y!!
Gramm, whadzup?
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Yeah, I'm thinking about exposing, but I still don't know the details of where he works.
A few times now, his van has been at WW's apartment when I go to drop off or pick up DD. Every time I'm at the door, he hides in the back room so I won't see him. Pathetic.
And it really disgusts me that my daughter has to spend any tme with this looser.
I know my WW hasn't been hanging around with his kids. (although she might have met them for the first time at Thanksgiving) THey are older and know what is going on is wrong. WW doesn't think it's inappropraite that OM is around DD because she is too young to know better! How is that for messed up logic!
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We talked a few weeks ago and she said that she misses me sometimes. Yesterday, she came to our house to get some christmas decorations which I had left in a box in the garage for her. That made her cry... That was the first time she'd been to our house in about a month. Maybe it's hard for her to face what she's done. So, MAYBE she is still somewhat intersted, but I don't have any hopes up.
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As for how I'm doing, I'm not that much different now than I have been. Still depressed and lonely and all that. Still got no money and paying for all the bills. My parents have been helping me get my house cleaned up for when I'll eventually have to sell it. (WW is still upset that I won't sell it now)
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I'm curous about how OMW is doing. I have not heard from her though, and the last 2 times I tried to contact her, I got no response. So, I'll just forget abot that...
Last edited by Gramn; 11/29/05 10:32 AM.
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Hey Gramn,
I know the feelings you have right now. That time where everything is quiet, where it seems like it will never turn positive.
I cant say it will, but the odds are against Y-Guy and your wife working out. In the meantime, you need to find avenues to get you out of the house and doing stuff. Not just busy work...but something you can get excited about. It will help you AND your wife will hear about it and wonder if you have moved on.
You also need to get some intel and expose the OM again. Keep shining the light of day on their little nasty mess. And when you do, and she explodes...just email or mail another copy of the PBL.
Third, you should be getting more stuff on her and on you to make yoru case better for custody. We havent talked about that in awhile. You need a battleplan. Dont let things settle down on that front for her, so that she can go into court and say "See, your Honor...things are fine the way they are. Everyone is doign just fine."
Mission number one is to do everything you can to get custody of your daughter. Mission number two is to take care of you.
So, keep coming on here and let's work on those things.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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I'm still documenting everything.
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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I'm still documenting everything. Do you have all of the things that book outlined. Have you made the case for why you are the better parent...why your daughter should be with you? It is a lot of work, do not wait unti lthe last minute before you try to get it all together. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Gramn, I have redone the original letter to be written by you instead of your attorney. You may not want the response at the bottom but if you fail to ask for it they may just circular file it immediately. Best case scenario is the management at the new YMCA are devote Christians and that OM lied to them about the other YMCA. Maybe he did not even disclose his employment there in fear of them exposing the circumstances. Whatever, I think you wife may be furious but deep down she will know that you still love her and are fighting for your marriage. IMO, if you ever do reconcile she will respect you for doing this. Good luck, Mr. Wondering Dear Sir/Madam;
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I am writing to you today to express my concern about one of your newest employees, Mr. Utterman. Since you hired him, I can only presume you are unaware of the circumstances surrounding Mr. Utterman's dismissal from the YMCA in ______, OH. Please allow me to fill you in with the information he apparently withheld.
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On or about _______, 2005, my wife, Mrs. Gramn, purchased a gym membership at our local YMCA on _______Street here in _______, OH. As you may know, Mr. Utterman, was the ________ (insert his job title) of such YMCA. While working, Mr. Utterman, himself a married man, went above and beyond his specific job duties and sought out to comfort, tempt, lure, seduce, and undertake to involve himself in a physical extramarital affair with my wife. Much of this affair took place on the job while Mr. Utterman was presumably working. This affair has resulted in Mr. Utterman's divorce and alienation from his former wife and ___ children and a Petition for Divorce and custody dispute which is currently pending in _____ County, OH against me filed by my wife, Mrs. Gramn.
Shortly after discovery and Mr. Utterman's failure to yield and repent for his unGodly behavior, I exposed the secret illicit affair to the entire board of the local YMCA and Mr. Utterman was summarily terminated. I can only presume the legal implications of disclosing this information to you is the reason you do not know of their outrage at this immoral conduct unbecoming of a YMCA employee.
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I currently have no intention of pursuing or investigating any legal claims I may have against the YMCA. I believed this matter was settled the first time Mr. Utterman was dismissed and I look to the YMCA organization to do the right thing, again.
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In spite of the pending divorce petition, I continue to to fight for and have some hope for my marriage whereas Mr. Utterman and my wife have continued their shameless and immoral relationship to this day. There are no guarantees, however, the more people in the Christian community that demonstrate their intolerance of Mr. Utterman's continuing unrepentent behavior, then the more likely my family can successfully achieve marital restoration. Please be aware that this letter is not intended to be hateful and vengeful. It is motivated by the love I have for my wife and my desire to perhaps protect other innocent people from the actions of this wolf in sheeps clothing.
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Please contact me at your earliest convenience with information as to what you intend to do.
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Sincerely,
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Mr. Goodguy Gramn
(xxx)555-XXXX
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I met with my priest yesterday to talk to him about all of this. He had some good insights...
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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I talked to the priest and he thought more exposure would be pointless (although he was not against the idea in general)
He thought getting custody might be a good idea, but was noncommital.
I'm just tired of thinking about this whole thing.
WW was bugging me to explain to her WHY I don't want to sell our house yet. I don't want to talk to her about that or anything else.
YET, a day later, I came to her door to pick up DD, and aparently she has a christmas present sitting there wrapped for me. I dont' plan to have a present for her. "Hey, you've put me through the worst time of my life, merry christmas!"
I should spell it out that I do not plan to do anything christmas related with her...
D-Day 6-13-05
Plan B began 9-29-05
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Hi Gramn
Good to hear from you. I can't comment on the exposure stuff, but the christmas stuff, I wouldn't do anything related to christmas with her either.
The present is just another attempt by WW to play happy families and to normalise what she has done and caused, and she is using the festive season to draw you in. IMHO
Me BGF 40
WBF 36
DD 4 yr now
DDay April 05
Plan A Mid Oct 05
XWBF & OW broke up Oct 06
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Gramn,
My wife tried the same thing when I was in Plan B over Christmas. She wanted to pool our gifts and have Christmas together. I never answered her. So right before she up and left for a trip to Florida with OM right before Christmas, I had come by to pick up something my daughter had left at her apartment. My daughter went upstairs to get it and came back out and said "Mom said she needs to talk to you...somethign to do with the schedule." While I was in Plan B, as you have found out with kids, there was still some minor times of interaction during hand-offs. So, I walked upstairs. She opened the door. And she wanted me to come in and look at the presents and what she had done. She wanted to go over the lists to make sure we hadnt bought the same things. I wouldnt enter and told her that we werent doing Christmas together...and then I turned and walked out. She yelled at me "You're ruining everything..." and then slammed the door.
It is all fog, Gramn. She wants the fantasy of having everything. Do not accept her gift. Just let her keep it.
On the interactions with your wife, I hope any interactions are short blurbs concerning hand-offs for your daughter. I hope you are NOT engaging her in nay other sort of conversations. If you are, then your Plan B keeps starting over each time. Right from the beginning.
It is good that you are tired of the crap. That is what Plan B will do for you. Your mind is now protecting you, bringing health back to you. Go with that. But also remember that there are stil lthings you must do in order to protect your daughter (first priority), protect yourself, and still give your marriage a chance.
While your priest thinks the exposure wont do anything, I disagree. While it wont force her back home, it will continue to show that you find the situation unacceptable. And thus, yoru wife does not get the chance to continue to make her fantasy work in her head. Shestays uncomfortable and angry. This is a GOOD thing, as the OM will have to bear the brunt of that.
So, plan your Christmas without your wife. Have nothign to do with her, and accept no gifts from her. Shoot, dont even coordinate the gifts for your daughter. Not now. Once divorced, things can be different, if you want. Right now, your wife needs a huge reality check. Give it to her.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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