To those of you who did not read my post on this, I called OW for the first time yesterday. It started out pretty good, me saying what I wanted to say to her, her denying even knowing him and ended up in a huge screaming match with me slamming the phone on her. Nice.

The best that I can tell, she has talked to WH about this either today or yesterday. While she calls *67, he has used up a huge amount of minutes unaccounted for. (prob calling card) Of course he can not nor will not tell me such as he is so into denying this too.

Well, today he was sooo depressed. It was almost sickening. His moods are directly affected by what happens between them. (I think) Anyway, later today, in a somewhat more upbeat mood he announces that he has decided to quit his job !!! He was supposed to be coming off of the truck for his home time, June 24. He told me today that he has moved it up to June 18 !!! And, that he is quitting at that point and going to look for a new truck driving job.

Apparently they have discussed this at great length today and last night. I feel so left out. I do not know how much of this I can take !! I have turned off my cell, I can not bear to him his upbeat tone. I am sicken by these new developments. He told me all of this matter of factly.

So, apparently he is coming home to soothe her. I must have upset her. How and when do I call this quits ??? Why do I feel that I need some validation ?? Please, please help. I have (actually they have) made this all worse and it is taking steps in a direction that I was (am) not prepared to go. I guess I gave it my very best Plan A and it just was not good enough. Surprise surprise.

Please advise. Perhaps I have brought this finally to some sort of conclusion. My nerves are shot !!!

Thanks so very much - Car

I'm wondering if it's time for plan B??

Car

Calm down ! Maybe that call wasn't the best thing ever, but at least it has precipitated some action.

What do you know about OW ? Does she have anyone you can expose her affair to ?

Are you in a CALM and FIRM plan A right now with boundaries established ? Read up and execute plan A darl' and recover your M.

all blessings

Thanks Bob for the reply. I so used to look forward to you answering my posts. Thanks.

Yes, I agree. Something had to happen !! I just could not take the denials and and the "pretending" that our M was good. ha

But, him quitting his job ? Now that he probably knows about my phone call !! I am assuming he is coming home to either confront this one way or another. She probably gave him an earful since the call.

Frankly, I am getting real close to not caring. Then I panic and will do anything to keep him. I guess human nature. Yes, I have done an excellent Plan A since Jan. That is how I have gotten this far back into his heart I believe. He was just about out the door before I changed my attitude. Now, I am sure he is just very confused. Or, he knows what he SHOULD do, but can't. No, I have been very sweet and very supportive in every way. Not a doormat though. I do take an occasional stand !!

I have shut off phones for the night. I have had enough. Let me stew for awhile. Let him wonder. The lies are killing me !!!

Thanks so very much for the replies.

Carnation

Car, glad you didn't get the ink done now, darl' ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You have the tools you need to bet this thing and win back your baby. If you feel you losing love for him, then it may be time to plan B.

You are doing great Car, I'm proud of you !

I always read your updates, but other wiser folks than me have been giving you great advice !

If calling OW started a little action, I think it's good. She knows you exist. There's no denying it. If WH decided to play you off against each other, well, that tells you something else. It's too bad you lost your cool with OW, but unfortunately, that's life. I think that sometimes with the cakeeaters, you have to kick the hornets nest a few times.

Maybe it's time for Plan B.

Hi Car....

I agree with Bob and Grapegirl....maybe it's time for Plan B.

At one point, I called OW....asked her what her intentions were with my H. She said he's here right now. I should have asked to talk to him. But I hung up, and called his cell phone. Of course, he lied about being there.

I told him I heard a man's voice in the background....maybe she has another boyfriend. "She wouldn't do that to me" he said. Puke, retch! (he later told me he was there - it was his voice I heard telling her not to answer the phone, when she told him "it's your wife")

This all precipitated a breakup for them. Which did not last for long - about 36 hours, I found out later. But it sure did throw a wrench into their little love nest. OW cried and said "I thought we were going to have a life together!!!"

But, WH kept lying and protecting her. Time then for Plan B. Which I did not do well.

If you go to Plan B, do it right, and do it for YOU!!! Otherwise, you will soon be where I am.....wondering if there really is much love left in your heart for your WH.

A person can only take so much, then you have to protect yourself.....or else you become embittered.

Think hard and long....make a plan, and stick to it. If you've done a great Plan A, then you will have no (or few) regrets.

A little kick in the love nest might crack some eggs, then the love nest turns out to be no yolk!!! (Pardon the pun, I just couldn't help it)

((((((Carnation)))))))

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Nothing like a little reality. Well done. The OW has surely been told lies about you. This is a wake up call to her that you are real and human. Sure he's mad. His game is over. Sit back and watch the show. She probably gave him an ultimatium. Make sure you see an attorney to know your rights if you haven't already. It will give you peace of mind.

I seriously can not believe that all of this is actually happening to me. A soap opera is nothing, compared to my friggin life right now !!

After I called OW this week, my WH suddenly decided to quit his job !! He put in to come home for his home time a week early. Well, last night he told me that he actually tried to come this THIS weekend !! But they told him he could not. The 18th was the soonest. I am shocked and pi$$$ed. Both equally.

Obviously he is coming home to soothe her. They apparently discussed this new situation at great length after I called her and she felt threatened. Leaving me to be the "bad" one out in the cold.

Well --- now he is tied up at a terminal in Nebraska for the weekend and he wants me to rent him a car to come home NOW !!! Home is in DFW Texas. The credit cards are in my name and he is not signer. Frankly, I do not think this is possible for me to do because of the credit card thing and I am so upset about these latest developments.

I sure rattled her cage calling her this week. The reason she feels threatened by me is because she knows I have a very good reason to come after her. Which, of course, that is very much not like me. No matter what. I did not threaten her, nor would I hurt her. But if she is scared - good. Let her feel a little pain for awhile.

Anyway - now what ??? My WH wants me to rent him a car TODAY - so he can come home, after he quits his job and make ammends with his little OW !!! Of course, her name does not come up at all during this. He is so into lying to me. He just wants to quit his job and get another after taking some time off. I am furious !!! He wants me to check out rental car places. MY daughter is coming home from the hospital today with her new baby. I am on my way over to her house soon. I told him that. But, of course, he has no room for my needs, he got pi$$y with me because I could not just jump right on his selfish request.

Please help me. This is coming to a head very very soon.
She seems to be winning the war, definetly this battle. I am close to letting her have him. Help !!!!

Carnation

C,

No, do NOT rent him the car.

Simply put, unless he is coming home to work on your M, why should you? To enable their A?

Let him cool his heels in the cornfields.

While he'stuck there, go see you new grandchild - congratulations, and all blessings - and take care of yourself.

Good luck.

have you written your plan B letter yet??

write it and post it here so people can help you with it..
travelinman wrote a really really good one...find that one and use as a base..
ARK

Absolutely......DO NOT RENT HIM THE CAR!!!!

Write your Plan B letter, and do not be manipulated by your WH.

It's far too easy to try and believe them.....my WH is a master manipulator. He even has "chest pain" when I try to talk to him about our M.

He thinks that him answering my questions will do us no good. (In other words, lets just put that elephant under the rug, and never never look at it again.....just because I can't seem to get over the huge hump in the rug, what does it matter?!)

Go and visit your new grandchild, and have a wonderful time.

Oh, and don't forget the Plan B letter. I Plan B'd my WH when I just couldn't take him looking me straight in the eye and telling me lies. Now? He's either REALLY good at the lies, or he's telling the truth (actually, there's really no talking about anything important in our home). Who can tell?

I have a thought about Plan B.....DO IT ONCE!!!! AND DO IT RIGHT!!!!!

Do it for you, Carnation! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

K

Carnation,

U R in a good spot now though it may not feel like it. Right now you can reverse babble your way out of some pain. Also a tactic which may work but may not c/b your pulling yourself out of the drama and leaving him to check out other options (c/b OW). Even if it is the OW, let him do it.

Right now he is a WS in rage. U messed with his A and he is not happy. He maybe out to make your life miserable and you ahve to decide if you want him back as such.

He also is not thinking rationally and you must have a clear mind and a calm heart.

Now go enjoy your new grand babby and let the WS stew in his mud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

PLease help me with this. You are saying "NOW What?" in response to your obviously cheating husband wanting you to charge a rental car to your CC so that he can come home to "mend" with the OW. DO I have this right?

Please, please, please tell me why you don't see this whole situation as completely and utterly ridiculous to be in. What am I missing? I have to assume that I missed something here that will make most of this make sense. Please help me understand this, so that I don't say something that is way off base (won't be the 1st time here) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LM