Hi FAR,

I went back and read all your posts.I would agree with the other's in that you should expose outward like a spiral from the closest to you and WW to the other's.Not a blanketed bombshell.

OM's wife,close family members/friends,Priest/Minister,work people,boses,etc.You want to expose to those people who may have the most impact on the two of them.Other's you may not need to even waste time on.Choose carefully and wisely.The word will get around anyway so you want to focus your initial target on those certain individuals and evaluate the outcome.

JMO.

O

If the OM is a director in a show....you may find that community is not the least bit receptive to exposure and are very tolerant of affairs. I personally like exposure to be "stepped". Begin with your wife and the OM's wife. Confront your wife with what you know and how you know it. Give her the opportunity to end the affair. If she won't...then you will consider wider exposure. The next "ring" would be close friends and family (parents, siblings) who can influence your wife to do the right thing. Exposing to the whole community would not be done unless the affair is entrenched and the important folks know....with no effect.

Good Luck....I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Hi, found.

The reason I recommend 'scorched earth' is because this is a second affair. Her entitlement will be entrenched to a much greater degree.

As an actress, getting the ego fed plays heavily into the factor. Having an affair with an 'important' person will further exacerbate the issue. Having basically "got away with it' before really adds certainty (in her mind) to the equation.

I believe that she will be mostly impervious to a slow exposure, and doing such, rather than having the intended effect, would go more toward inoculation than actually helping to end the affair.

Regardless, it is your decision on how to expose.

All the best,
Gimble

Thank you all.
I believe at this point that exposure to his wife might be sufficient. I will expose to ww's family, also.

I do so appreciate everyone's input. Please keep it coming.

Just gotta find that number...

One thing I will suggest, is do it all at once, or as near in time as you can. She will be LIVID...you are bursting her bubble, and you won't want to repeat this anger towards you every other day...will be hard on your love. Do it all today if you can...

Wwwhhhoooaaaa!! Slow down. I totally agree on scorched earth exposure. But you need to do one thing before you do that.

You have a date for a tryst between the two, right? Time to get out the camera, and notebook and do some intel ops. Nothing like proving that they were hooking up like pictures of them going into a hotel room and then coming out later.

I know you already have proof. But this will seal it. It will also be ammunition for the fight for your kids (and do not let her take them...you fight for custody...you can do it...I got custody of my kids who are roughly the same ages as yours). Also, if this goes to divorce, many states do not allow alimony in the case of adultery. With proof, she will get nothing!!

Time to get your ducks in a row. Do not fire early. You need just a little more intel. Once you get that intel on the 18th (and dont get caught doing it), then it will be time for exposure.

Then it will be slam dunk. But be prepared for the backlash from her. It will get nasty. Be prepared to head to a neutral corner and to keep the kids with you. Even if that means going to court to get custody. See an attorney between now and the 18th. Have everything ready, just in case.

I can help you with all of this, my man. been down a similar road. Had so much intel, so many pictures, etc...that the judge just looked at my wife and laughed when she tried to get custody.

By the way, we are now in recovery. so, you may have to fight against her for awhile in order to get her back. First things first though. And that is protecting yourself and those kids.

In His arms.

I just wanted to add in an example from my own experience too.My STBXWH is in the film industry.Not that it should matter anyway but,my WH's work milieu was such that it basically endorsed A's.You have a lot of talented,attractive,young individuals working long shifts to complete special effects for movies and you,gather,talk,eat together and voila! Recipe for disaster unless you have stiff boundaries in place and are aware of your surroundings and hold tight to your beliefs,etc.

I didn't get a chance to expose my WH and the homewrecker at work because he was fired and the homewrecker wasn't yet set up at the job(supposedly going to work at same company was planned for long before they met.sure.).Anyway,other's he worked with that knew basically turned a blind eye or said things to him like" I just hope you know what you're doing". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />I don't think many knew but those that did did not get involved and did not have any influence.Same for certain "friends".Some are no longer friends for their inaction or support and other's I still talk to because they do not support what he did.

There were also other so called friends/co-workers and acquaintances that I didn't bother with exposing to because they wouldn't have had the least amount of impact.They would be shocked but it wouldn't have matered one way or the other,my favor or his.I chose who I would tell and there were certain people I was DEFINITELY going to tell no matter what since it was important to me that they have all the information not just what WH was telling them(or not) and that it was important to me that they knew both sides to the story(there are always two sides).

As we know,many people just don't want to get involved although they may feel sorry for you.Who would you invite to an intervention if your WW was crashing on drugs? Those same people you would want to expose to.Maybe think about it that way.

Good luck.

O

October - I, too, have worked in the film industry. And the theatre. There really are some decent people out there, but family and OM's wife are my main hitters. But, like you say - a lot of infidelity.

Mortar - I want to call OM's wife TODAY! I do not want them to tryst! Geez!

There are cheaters in every walk of life FAR,as I am sure you already know.It's almost irrelevant isn't it? I knew of Doctor's having A's with some of the other Nurses I worked with and I have some stories(I'm an RN).My profession isn't immune either.None are.

I would like to think that most people are decent but I am,unfortunately,becoming more cynical with age and experience.I'm still waiting for that phone call from a new "friend" who said she was coming to dinner. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />Whatever.Another one bites the dust.

O

Hi, found.

Has the affair already gone physical?

I agree with MM about protecting the children. You do that at all costs. They are the number one priority.

As I said earlier, you are dealing with a character issue. As such, the outcome is less predictable than it would be otherwise. Make sure that you are legally covered.

All the best,
Gimble

Okay. Have they "trysted yet?" If they have, one more time isnt going to hurt anything...and you will get irrefutable proof. If they havent, then you had better have good intel, stuff they cant just write off to a good working relationship. Otherwise, you will come off looking crazy to the OMW and others.

There is a third option. You could quash the tryst by letting it get started, as in letting them show-up wherever they are meeting...and then knock on the door once the "festivities" start. Send up room service if they are at the hotel. Room service will knock, they will answer...and then you walk up and say "Howdy!!" Take your pic and walk away. That will dampen any amour they will have at the time. Then you immediately head to OM's house, drop off intel and pictures to his wife, and then go home and start hitting send on the old bulk emailing.

By the time they get out of there, and get back in order to try to stop you, the world will know.

You didnt say where this tryst is supposed to take place. Do you know? Like I said, if you lived in my area, I'd do the intel op for you...and I'd only charge you a couple beers and some chips and salsa!!

Anyway, give me some more poop on this "meeting" they are to have. What did they say about it? Where is it supposed to be?

In His arms.

HA! WW works in a hospital. I hear stories of lecherous doctors all the time. And others. I work in a church – same thing goes on. Yes, it is everywhere. Always has been. (King David?)

I read a post by BOB today, and it inspired me to put my ring back on. She noticed first thing. I told her God told me to do it.

I try to keep fresh flowers out all the time – we have some neat roses in the yard. I gave her a card today – her birthday is next week.

I think I will wait for exposure until I talk to Steve.

found - do you know if a "tryst" has already occurred? Is this already PA? Or is the planned meeting on the 18th possibly the first?

If it's not the first - Mortarman's advice is sound. If you can get pictures of them going into a hotal, you'd be in a more powerful position, IMHO.

How juicy are the e-mails? Good enough to make the case to his doubting wife? (Plan on her being in denial.)

And please slow down. Time is on your side and you need to use it.

Good argumants can be made for both carpet bombing and surgical strikes. You've read them both.

Have you confronted your wife yet? If not, why not? Don't show her the e-mails as this gives away your source.

Seems to me that the most valuable exposure targets are OM's wife and his community if they can be counted on to denigrate his behavior. I tend to agree with star*fish that the "performing" community is not likely to poo poo this.

If the e-mails are juicy enough, calling OM's wife today sounds smart instead of waiting for the 18th to get pictures. You will need to show her the evidence.

I can not quote the email I am looking at right now. Includes the lines: “pulling down your pants…” “taste you for hours…”

Better than pictures, Mortar.

I do not think I had read that one completely. I am sitting here dumbfounded. It might indicate that PA has happened.

Maybe I should just call the attorney.

It sounds to me like you've got more than enough proof already to expose...no need to wait, IMHO.

Mortar - I know the place, the day.
San Diego. If you are in SoCal come on down.

I still need to get on hotmail and print all the emails. I have many, but just printed them at home. There is a long list.

Thanks for the advice. I do not want to wait.

Sorry, I am in the DC area.

Do these emails talk about what she wants to do, or do they refer to things that already happened?

Iam unclear so far aobut PA. I have not read a lot. Don't quite have the stomach for it yet.

Seems some meetings have taken place, but I do not know if any sex has occured yet. Hard to tell from the email - it is descriptive, but possibly just his current fantasy.

If you can do so, copy and paste some of this here. It may be easier to have some bystanders help you interpret. We wont read into, as you might.