Things I want to try in plan A:

- asking WH to stay for dinner, instead of running back to Spanish Omelette when the girls and I sit down to eat (he come to see them after school during the week, and stays until dinner is ready). If I ask in front of the kids, he's less likely to say no - especially if I keep asking him!
- asking WH to come out with us when we are going out to do fun stuff. And going even if he says no.
- snogging WH (well, a gentle kiss on the cheek to start with, perhaps) - this must be a win/win situation for me. I don't expect him to respond to it at first, but if I do it quick then he can't stop me! Then, he can either tell the Omelette about it, or not. If he tells her, she'll think (or say) why the he** did you let her kiss you? (and wonder if he actually enjoyed it) and if he keeps quiet, it's a secret between them that will only get bigger.
- Get myself into shape. I am skinny now (thanks to the infidelity diet), but I could look better. I think I might start running once I am feeling a little healthier. Get my hair done so it looks FAB. Get some (more) new clothes. THROW OUT my fat girl cover-up wardrobe.
- Be the best mom I can be to my girls. Show them what it means to be a parent - caring, dedicated, and THERE 24/7, not just for a few hours during the week and at weekends.
- throw myself into my hobbies, really become absorbed in them, and stop feeling guilty for doing things for ME and not for the family all the time.
- start a NEW hobby - Pep recommended bellydancing!
- ask WH to babysit so I can go out and have fun. Make sure I look FAB when I go out and that WH notices too.
- be calm, be happy. Make peace with myself.

Alph.

Oh, and GET A JOB.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All very good stuff EXCEPT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

The snogging WH bit.

Now this is hard but...you need to lock your taker up IME. Tantalise WH as Pep said, but don't fulfil it however much you want to.

You will get into a kissing competition with Tortilla Espanol which won't work.

Tease the poor man dreadfully then when he wants to follow up say " I'd love to kiss you,baby, but while I know you're kissing and shagging that tortilla It feels just wrong. "

See?

Its hard Alph but IME physical affection from a BS leads to cake eating from a WS. Thats just my experience though.

Post up a new thread asking for opinion about SF and physical affection during active affair and see what you get back. You'll see its a pretty hot topic.

In my case, Squid tells me NOW she was DYING for me to hold her and kiss her, and in the end had to seduce me after the A ended as she could hold back any longer.

I KNEW them diesel boxers were worth the £20 a pair ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aww.

That's the bit I was looking forward to most.

I know that Omelette's kisses are hotter for WH than mine at the moment, but I'd love to try anyway. I'll post the thread like you said, and try to restrain myself until I have more information. I'll wait until the USA comes online tho. WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

In my case, Squid tells me NOW she was DYING for em to hold her and kiss her, and in the end had to seduce me after the A ended as she could hold back any longer.

You must have been over the moon. WHAT an ego boost!

Alph.

edited for typos.

Plan A is hard Alph. We keep telling you that. Uninstinctive.

You read about your Giver and Taker ?

In plan A you have to lock up or distract your Taker till your WH's giver is rehabilitated and pointed at you again. Its the hardest bit IMO. Very hard.

re Squid sseduction it was great for many reasons.

* My plan A had worked and I had 'won'.
* Her 'soulmate' spiel about OM was bollocks
* I had succeeded in rebuilding myself as a very attractive spouse ( evidently)
* I got my end away after months without ( whoo hoo!)
* It allowed real intimacy between us to restart - conversational and physical.
* I felt 'clean' having not given in to her cake eating. well there was a single needful, mechanical shag after a month or so but we both felt strange as a result.

BTW teh seduction also heralded a long period of hectic monkey sex where Squid couldn't get enough of me. I learned y'see from Squid and his GF that OM wasn;t much cop in the sack and his docking tackle was like the planet Neptune " hard to see with the naked eye" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kudos to you Alpin for talking to your DD12. I'm one for the truth. My DD is eleven and so very tender. My kids had to know what was going on a couple weeks after D-day. WH had been gone for 7 weeks and came home in the midst of the A. (Well, actually, he's never come home.) DS#2 pretty much had it figured out before I said anything. DD was making a lot of excuses for her dad's behavior. (When she said that she was going to be really mad if her dad had to "work" on Christmas Eve, I knew she needed the truth.) I didn't want them finding out from their friends or neighbors. I didn't want them to feel the A was anything like normal. My behavior also needed explanation. I was a basketcase most of the time. I alternated between tears, lethargy and anger. I had no patience. The truth helped my kids understand my behavior and it was a comfort to them.

While my kids weren't as vocal about their concerns for me as yours, we are very close.

Thank you grapegirl.

I am so relieved I have spoken to her - I am 100% certain now that I have done the right thing. We can only grow together through this.

You say that WH is not back home. Forgive me for not finding out your complete sit - are you still on plan A or have you moved to plan B?

Alph.

Excellent job with your daughter, Alph.
If this comes up again, please consider a reply that includes what marriage vows mean - in good times and in bad - and a recognition that just because someone makes a horrible mistake doesn't mean they cannot resolve that mistake and seek forgiveness from those they have hurt.

bOb has provided excellent Plan A advice.

I'm one who stayed in Plan A too long - a year. My "excuse" was that it was pretty clear that my wife's affair was significantly rooted in the loss of our son and because of that legitimate crisis, I was able to hang on longer. In hindsight, I should have gone to Plan B right after she abandoned the home, two months after d-day.

You have the effects of the rest of exposure to wait on prior to Plan B, IMHO.

WAT

Hi WAT.

I wonder how long that will take?

I need to present him some pretty positive images/improvements of myself as well, before plan B. I don't want to go into plan B with him reeling from exposure and thinking of me just as 'that b!tch' who screwed up his career/reputation.

Alph.

Alph,

You did very good with DD12 I think.

And your Plan A list is awesome also.

You are getting it!

HINY

Hi HINY.

I'm starting another thread a bit later about the merits of snogging WS (or rather, showing affection!) during plan A. Whether it is cake eating for WS (as bOb thinks it may be) or whether it can be helpful as long as it doesn't lead further.

I know you have views on this!

Alph.

Okay I will look out for it.

My dingy dog started a new diet and he is having some digestion problems....EWWWW!

I have a lot of carpet steam cleaning to get done. I shall check in when I get some of this cleaning done.

The vet recommended this new diet, sometimes I have to wonder WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? Kind of like WS eh?

HINY

I need to present him some pretty positive images/improvements of myself as well, before plan B. I don't want to go into plan B with him reeling from exposure and thinking of me just as 'that b!tch' who screwed up his career/reputation.

Alphin you have a scary grasp of Plan A's purpose in context and why it must precede plan B.

You are special. Took me WEEKS to 'get' this. I have high hopes for you. Your WH won't now whats hit him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW don't EVER allow yourself to think as any consequence of his affair being your fault.

If he is hurt by your exposure, its HIS fault. All you are doing is testing the seriousness of his horsesh*t fantasy against the light of public knowledge, the scrutiny of logic and the straight line of truth.

He will accuse you of vindictiveness. NEVER believe that even in your dark self for a second.

If he says "you ruined me" reply "if your affair is so right and acceptable, why isn't it OK to tell the truth about it?".

If you can ... be certain that your H is aware that if he were not eating spanish food ... you'd rip him to shreds in bed !

he MUST know you desire him like craZZZZ...eeee ... a big'ole EN for most men ...

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

eating spanish food

EuuuW ! That conjours up a particularly nast and sordid picture doesnt it ! Euuuw!

* alph, Pep said what I meant but better as she does, annoyingly sometimes;)

Pep is truly a woman to be admired and yes, a little feared.
I'm sure Mr. Pep gets the balance right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

And she is right of course.

He must have the admiration and all of that stuff that goes with it!

It is a must. He must know you desire and love him, that want to make loooove with him. All that mushy stuff.

You know how to do it, so work it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> .

HINY

I am not to be feared. You are mistaken. You may, of course feel free to admire me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> for I do wear a tiara around the house at times. THIS , by the way, is something I highly recommend for you Alph . Buy yourself and your DD each a tiara and wear your tiaras around your home ... you will be amazed at how much this increases your fun factor and thereby increasing your endorphine level. I am serious!

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I tried that 'tiara' trick but just ended up singing " I'm every woman' and 'we are the champions' drunkenly with my gay pal after a case of becks.
Tiara's are for chicks, I decided.

The girls already have one each. I'll going to the Disney Store tomorrow and buying the gaudiest one they have for ME!

Alph.