Can you do a reverse number look up for Spain? In the US, it works in the white pages. You enter the phone # and it comes back with the name and address. Easy.

I'll try it, Thanks!

Alph.

Ok, I'm copying this from another thread, because it belongs here. I had a realization earlier, because of something neak said about her own sitch. Her husband told her he was leaving her too, but she managed to get him to stay:

'Neak, I wish I'd had your foresight, I wish I'd found this site on the night he'd told me about the A!

My greatest mistake was letting WH go! I know it now.

He told me he was leaving, nothing I could do about it, but that he'd stay as long as I needed to 'help the kids make the adjustment'. As he dropped the bomb on me in the middle of the Easter holidays, with still a week to go, I thought it would be best for them if he left straight away, so they'd have a week to get over it.

Now I know that 'stay as long as you need to help the kids make the adjustment' actually meant 'I am totally undecided whether I should stay or go - please make the decision for me.' And I did! Stupid, stupid Alphin. Of course, I wasn't thinking straight, I honestly did what I thought was best for the children.

No wonder he keeps saying that I threw him out. I suppose in a way I did - straight into the arms of the Omelette.'

I realise that, at the time, I had no experience with affairs, and the things that are said, and only half meant. But I feel that this was a DISASTER. If I had only asked him to stay a little longer, things might have been very different.

Pep has said that I should ask him to come back, as he keeps on saying that I 'threw him out'. She suggests I do this in front of a witness (such as MIL). She would be the ideal person, but unfortunately she lives quite far away from us. How about a letter? I could write him a letter, and send her a copy? Or I could just ask him, and tell him that I'm going to let his mother know about it?

The last time we talked about this was when exposure was first threatening WH and he was freaking out. Please note that I realise that this was a far-from-perfect Plan A conversation:

ME: Why are you lying to everyone about the seperation?
WH: What?
Me: Why won't you admit to people that you left your family?
WH: I didn't! You threw me out! You told me to pack my bags and get out!
ME: Are you saying you wanted to stay?
WH: What?

So. Does this, all of the above, look like indecision to you folks? Did I actually make the decision for him? Is he likely to be less conflicted now he's been living with Omelette for two months? Shall I ask him to come back yet?

***Grasping at straws yet again***

Alph.

Alph

You did not make the decision for him.

His affair is nothing to do with you.

Took me months to realise that I was just collateral damage.

WS don;t hav affairs AT BS, they have them because, well, they want to.

Nothing you could have said or did could have pushed him away faster nor kept him at home longer.

I am not saying this to make you feel better. Its bad enough to know we weren't important to WS at the time.

You may or may not have contributed to an unsatisfying marriage before WHs affair but his choice of dealing with what he saw was an unsatisfactory marriage (an affair) is 100% his ownership and HIS responsibility.

Stop finding reasons to blame yourself. make yourself a great spouse but do not blame yourself for WHs affair.

Its only your fault if you held a gun to his crotch and made him step out of his clothes.

If it helps YOU, then ask him to come back in front of a witness, but do you reallythink your angry response was more than a pathetic EXCUSE for him to leave ? really ?

Over the years have you argued with WH and said "o and bugger off then,back to your mother's !" but he hasn't gone ?.

As if you could have stopped him?

Alph - stop trying to think rationally for him.

No matter what was said between you, he made the decision to leave. You could not have thrown him out nor make him stay.

My WS's story to her friends progressed in a sequence of steps:

I moved out.

I threw her out - right after she had to admit that I was NOT the one that left (hard to deny since I was still in our home).

Then it was - I swear I am not making this up - "I had to leave because it was YOUR decision NOT to leave."

WAT

Alf,


Like the new name I gave you? Ha ha. Anyway good job on finding the guts to finally call OW parents. Did you try Delean to see about the translation thing? I wouldn't wait until for very long because then the tortilla will go on about how nuts you are and so on.

I would try to find someone to help you translate if you can. If not get a spanish dictionary or you could probably find a translation dictionary on line and just type in what you want to say and say it in your best spanish that you can. I would just look up the word AFFAIR and your H's name and her name. They would get the point I think. Also look up WIFE and MARRIAGE and VOWS. Stick it all in one sentence and viola! You got the word across!

HINY

Hi, Alphin.

Listen to Bob. The choices your husband made are his alone.

If you want to rectify what potentially, MIGHT have been a mistake. Try this on for size.

"Hello dear hubby. I miss you. I don't know if you remember saying this to me or not, but in a heated conversation before you left, you said: "You threw me out! You told me to pack my bags and get out!". I want you to know, that I was very angry at you because of what you have done. I would much prefer that you were home with me and the kids. They want their father. I want you home. I am asking you to come home."

Quote:
==================================
My greatest mistake was letting WH go! I know it now.
==================================

Hang on before you start beating yourself up. In some well educated schools of thought, kicking out the adulterer is standard fair, Especially if there are children involved, albeit it with some better preparation.

How about sending the letter to both of them, and not telling him that you sent her a copy. Keep the letter brief and to the point. He will commit it to memory.

All the best,
Gimble

http://www.spanishdict.com/index.cfm

Here is a dictionary for you if you need it.

Here are some key words for you:

Affair- Asunto
Marriage- Matrimonio
Vow- Voto
Husband- Esposo
Wife- Esposa
Infidelity- Infidelidad
Daughter- Hija

Here is a whole sentence for you:

Your daughter is having an affair with my husband-

Su hija es teniendo un asunto con mi esposo-

See how easy it can be!

I hope this helps.

HINY

My one and only Spanish sentence might help, too.

"Hablo solamente unos pocos palabres en Español."

"I speak only a few words in Spanish."

Alphin,

Consider starting a thread with a title requesting help in Spanish. You may find someone here on MB who will be willing to simultaneously translate for you on a conference call with OW's parents.

added: My W left of her own volition the morning after D-day but told everyone I threw her out. It was such a crock. Weeks later I got fed up with her saying this to everyone, even me, as if I would have forgotten. When I pointed the truth out to her I got something like what WAT heard: "Well, you didn't tell me to stay."

Quick Q for WAT:

“How he ended up in a Catholic school vs some other private school involves my WS's choice to "become" Catholic because OM (now her husband) is a devout Catholic. This explains some of my cynicism towards organized religion in general and Catholics in particular.”

I don’t consider your W’s OM devout in any way. He may claim to be. Your XW may claim he is. But he has not acted as one. Same difference we hear all the time on MB: pay no attention to what WPs say, only what they do. Should be applied to their supposed spiritual beliefs too, IMO.

Slightly OT, did your X and OM get married in the church? Did OM request an annulment? If so, did you contest it? Did his W?

Things can get rather legalistic and hair splitting with Cannon lawyers, just as with secular attorneys. It’s what they do. I'm just curious how the religious angle played out here.

thanx

Hello,

Thanks, everyone, for all your help and suggestions.

I have passed the phone number onto my friend in Spain, and he is going to see if he can find the address through the method that grapegirl suggested.

If he can get the address, then I will send Omelette's parent's a letter with a photo of the four of us inside. This is my preferred methos of exposure - I think bOb's suggestion of the photo is a brilliant one.

Alph.

Here's my Spanish contribution:

Dos cerveza, por favor.

(Prolly spelled at least two words wrong.)

Send the letter some sort of registered special delivery. OW or H may be there to intercept it. It's happened before.

Also include your phone number in case they want to call you.

Good luck.

(Guess I forgot to turn on the :sarcasm: smiley face. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> )

Yea, no kidding!! Typical WS hypocrisy. I could tell you stories you would not believe. This is just the tip of the ice berg.........


Keep in mind that they did not have an affair. OK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She only married the guy she wasn't having an affair with 5 months after our divorce.

I have no idea whether they got married in a church or on the Mothership. Don't know about any annulment or what OM's wife did in this regard. I suspect their Church thinks all is "legal" because OM was my son's "sponsor" for his confirmation - all done behind my back. If the Catholic Church allows an adulterer to be a sponsor for a child's confirmation - the child of the marriage he helped wreck - guess they'd tolerate just about anything, say, even Priests that are pedophiles, huh?

Hey, thanks for the vent!

WAT

WAT: "Keep in mind that they did not have an affair. OK?"

LOL. I've been hearing lately it was a "distraction." Keep in mind, this distraction lasted 10 years.


WAT: "I have no idea whether they got married in a church or on the Mothership. Don't know about any annulment or what OM's wife did in this regard. I suspect their Church thinks all is "legal" because OM was my son's "sponsor" for his confirmation - all done behind my back.

If he received an annulment you would have seen the paperwork. They are required to inform you. So, I assume they did not get married in the Catholic Church. Or, if they did, they lied through their teeth to more than one person.


WAT: “If the Catholic Church allows an adulterer to be a sponsor for a child's confirmation - the child of the marriage he helped wreck - guess they'd tolerate just about anything, say, even Priests that are pedophiles, huh?"

I suspect the church knew nothing about the A in regards to DS’s confirmation sponsor. Actually, you could have made a lot of trouble for them wrt this.

Re pedophiles, that’s a big topic perhaps for a separate thread. It is finally being addressed, though.


WAT: "Hey, thanks for the vent!"

My pleasure, I think.

I understand some of what you are saying here. My W converted to Catholicism (prepared for it unknown to me and by herself – she wanted to surprise me on our 15’th wedding anniversary.) All right in the middle of her LTA. Was it a cry for help? Just additional smoke and mirrors? I don’t know.

After D-Day 2, I mentioned my confusion regarding this to our priest. He was pretty upset. He later spent a lot of time re-instructing her in the months afterward. He even refused to let her receive the sacraments again until she re-took RCIA which lasted a year.

I guess you can find corner-cutters and lazy people anywhere. Even in religious institutions. But that does not mean everyone is that way.

PS: I will send good thoughts towards God for you today.

OK. I need people to reassure me that I have enough information to send an exposure letter to OW's parents. That they actually are her parents!

One thing to note - WH provided me with TWO surnames for OW.

My trail of evidence:

1) WH calls DD12 and DD5 from Spain. When they hang up I dial 1471 (last number received) and write down the number.

2) I agonise over calling the number for several days.

3) Lexxxy gets cross about my hesitancy; I get scared of Lexxxy and decide to call the number.

4) With my carefully-written (English) phone notes in front of me, I dial the number. Here is a rough transcript of the conversation:

MAN: Si?
ME: Buenos dias, senor. Do you speak English?
MAN: No.
ME: Ah. *Long silence. I put aside my carefully-written English phone notes.* Senor *first surname*?
MAN: No. *He puts his hand over the phone and speaks to a woman nearby; evidently he is asking her if she knows a senor *first surname*. She comes over and takes the phone.*
WOMAN: Si?
ME: Senora *second surname*
WOMAN: Si?
ME: You have a daughter called *OW's name*
WOMAN: Si?
ME: She visited you with *WH* last week.
WOMAN: Er...
ME: *Long silence* I'm sorry I disturbed you. Adios, senora.

Now I put the phone down and run upstairs and throw up.

Later, I look on Infobel for the address that goes with the phone number. This is my evidence: WH called me from this number. The telephone 'conversation' with a man and woman who may be OW's parents. Matching the phone number to a city and address consistant with the area I know WH and OW travelled to.

Is this conclusive enough? I AM NOT EVER GOING TO CALL THESE PEOPLE AGAIN, SO PLEASE DON'T SUGGEST IT!!!

Alph.

Yes, it is conclusive enough. Perhaps they didn't know your H by that name?

Does he use a different name?

I would call. Who cares if you freak them out or if you aren't sure. I would do it anyway because this is your life and your children's lives. One phone call isn't going to put you to death....LOL!

If they aren't her parents then they aren't say sorry and hang up.

Too much coincidence with all that info for them to not be. Maybe they already know he is married?

HINY

Alph

Every Spanish person has two surnames. Angel Castillo Rodriguez; Sebastian Gonzalez Del Valle etc etc. Is this what you mean ?

Next get a fiendly Spanish speaker to call who you trust. No harm done in that.

Don't chicken out. This is supposed to be hard. I bet I puked up more volume, hotter and longer than you managed so far when I exposed . HA ! Vomit envy, can;t beat it.

Do the exposure Alph. Don't crap out now. this is really important. I've never done anything harder in my lie, nor anythng mor eeffective, nor anything I am prouder of than exposure. And I had half this forum telling me I was a monster for doing it because of the circumstances !

And my baby just kissed me with her tired, loving lips and told me she loved me as she went to MY bed, sleepy headed.

Exposure helped that happen.

Do it. Call your Spanish friend and get it done first thing tomorrow (after midnight in Spain now).

{{{{Alph}}}}

yeah! Or we might have to get Lexxxxxy on you again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!

HINY