I think I need to consider this, Aphelion. Even my Mom, who is usually dead against taking stuff like that, thinks it would help me with the program. Usually I seem to do OK, but sometimes, on evenings like this, I just hit rock bottom. DD12 came into the room a little while ago and I was just sitting here weeping. It's no good for her to see that, and it's no good for me to do that, either.

They don't perscribe them lightly in the UK, though. I've never been good at fighting my corner with doctors. Should I say that I'm finding it hard to function, or something like that? It's true enough sometimes. I just want to have some level of stability emotionally.

Alph.

Alph

I'm not pulling out any hair on your behalf. You're doing great, no need for that. I just like to remind depressed BS of the FACTS of infidelity which is somewhat different to how it FEELS at the time.

I won't get fed up with you. I had a cast of dozens of MBers helping me out and they never tired of me.

You really have to study infidelity more Alph.

WHs affair is an AFFAIR not a love story. He isn;t independent of you , happy or jack [censored] but self-deluded.

Thats not me making you feel better its fact.

Know your enemy.

Infatuation and self delusion in your WH are the enemy.

Just had a shout at Squid - first in ages over a selfish trigger she voluteered for - but it was good ! No lovebusters just a stream of opinion ! Cool ! I guess Bob the conflict avoider is truly dead. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW even big rough old me was prescribed a-d's for a while. Cipramil. Didn't work for me as much as going to the gym did ( Thanks again Gimble!)

Mde me have panic attacks and cold shakes.

I hghly recommend passiflora incarnats for gerneral 'coping'. Its ahomeopathic remedy sold as 'natracalm'.

I used it for years in stressful business situations. It just provides 1 degree of distance to help you respond better.

May be worth trying ?

I have studied, really have. And I know logically that everything you say is true. That an affair isn't a love story - it's a heap of noxious dung! That it's really unlikely to last etc etc.

But I can't help thinking: what if WH and Omelette are part of the 'less than 3%' that actually make it? What if I am deluding myself?

I guess it doesn't matter either way. Unless I fight, it's over in any case. Right?

Alph.

BTW I wouldn't shout at someone who's just come back from a high-kickin' karate class. JMHO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alright, Alph stand back... thwack! that was my 2x4 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You know this is not about you. I understand how you feel, can I tell you how many times I found myself competing with OW? Ughh... Omelet has nothing on you except your WH's drool. He is not your H, he is your WH not the man who you love but some alien creature.

I pray he will open his eyes soon and my bets are on you as the favorite! You are doing everything by the book and getting great coaching. Keep it up and do something nice for Alph to keep your spirits up.

{{alphin}}

Alphin, what if they ARE in the 3% ?

Your kids will be fine, and their sassy, tigress newly self-aware mother will be just fine too.

I read in 'teh monogamy myth' that the tiny percentage of successful affairs typically come from truly broken marriages where there is a strange ABSENCE of personality issues. I.e. smart sorted people have a deliberate affair to exit a mutually agreed [censored] marriage.

That hasn't happened in your case. Its a class 2 'entangled' affair. No more glamourous than that.

Ouch! Had that coming!

Blech! Good way to think of her!


Treated myself to an apple *munches*.

Yeah, I know. I've been a soggy tissue this evening, but you guys have really sorted me out - THANK YOU ALL! I've just kissed DD12 goodnight too and apologised to her for seeing me in tears. Big hugs all round. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nothing like a hug from a darling kid.

Alph.

alph,

Hi, I tried to post you this afternoon and email you and neither went through. Our tele and DSL have been out since Fri. evening.

I think you are doing so good. I need to tell you this before it goes down again...LOL.

Keep your chin up. You are a great woman and don't forget it.

HINY

"Omelet has nothing on you except your WH's drool."


Haaahhaha. Funniest thing I've read in days.

FF, may I borrow that sometime?

Alphin

As far as ADs go in the UK, I lasted a year without them, and then simply couldn't cope with the panic attacks and tears at work. A few months into this whole mess, I had a smear test, during which I broke down in my doctor's surgery and told him what was going on in my life, and that I'd had to be STD tested, and that I'd had some kind of infection passed to me by the last OW, and that I was worried this would affect the smear in some way. My GP was wonderful; listened quietly and was warm and supportive. He said that he wouldn't press any kind of medication on me, but that if I felt I wasn't coping, to come down and ask him. Which I did, after a few months, and was put on to Cipralex (Lexapro in the US?), and it helped enormously.

Until then, I'd always been the kind of relaxed, easy-going person who I thought would be the last woman in the world to need ADs. But, by God, they helped. I had no side-effects apart from a slightly upset stomach the first day; they kicked in quickly, and they allowed me to think rationally instead of being swept all over the place by the intensity of my emotions. I cut them down gradually (am off them now), and have had no withdrawal or other side-effects.

Crohn's may complicate the situation; I don't know. But any help to keep thinking calmly in this situation has to be welcome.

TogetherAlone

It's all yours, Aphelion! Glad you found it funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

T-A, my GP was wonderful too. Still is. Discussed all the options with me too, and only prescribed an A-D when he was sure I was right for them.

It was an accident that I didn't get on with them.

Hows it going, T-A ?

Alph

Yes I sleep !

But raterh than toss and turn when I have an R thing bothering me I get up, make a drink and study or vent here.

ALWAYS helps me. Every time.

Sure helps me, too.

Feeling better after last night?

I'm cool , thanks !

I have a whole toolkit for dealing with such after YEARS of conflict avoiding.

Its never nice to disagree but to do so with respect is the best way.

Just journalling...

Ive been reading an excellent post by AD_ on another thread. I hope he doesn't mind if I quote him here:


Just before WH left, he said to me 'I didn't go out looking to have an affair.' I didn't think much of it at the time - plenty of other stuff to think about after all, apart from WTF is that supposed to mean? Does that make it better that you are leaving us?

So, WH thinks his A just 'happened'. It wasn't his fault. It just happened, nothing he could do, poor man. It's very interesting, because as AD_ points out, WH is avoiding all responsibility for it by saying this. I think that WH may also making a suggestion about fate - the A was meant to happen; we didn't deliberately go to OW's house one night, drink a little took much, begin kissing, and end up in bed together, it just happened! So it's fate! We couldn't help it! Obviously we are meant to be together... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What a crock. I really, really wish I could have taped our conversations when WH dumped me. I'd love to play them back to him some day!

Alph.

Alph, your WH is reading from the book. Every WS says that horseshit.

My own, dear Squiddy being one of them.

"it just happened"
"it was meant to happen"

* hoy!*

Theres every chance that WH will eat those words as Squid now does. WAT desribes WS as if aliens have kidnapped them and left a malfunctioning clone behind. Its quite true.

Don't may much heed to anything he says or has said until the A has stopped and NC is in place.

Well, I've had enough of this plane of existance for the moment. For the first time since WH left, I am going to spend the evening playing RPGs on the computer - used to be great fun for me. Hmmm. Baldur's Gate II or Morrowind?

Either way, it will be a place where WS's skulls are crushed by my MACE +1.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

I'll be returning to the board every time I get killed in my game (should be fairly often, then).

Alph (now know as SHALLARA KNASTA - True Neutral Druid level 4).

I hate this!

There I was, just about to slip into my alternate universe, when WH calls the girls. He mentions something to DD5 about 'blood tests' which she blurts out to me (did he know she would do this - why tell a 5 year old about blood tests?) After DD5 and DD12 had finished talking, I got on the phone to him (I never talk to him when he calls them, they always pick up the phone when he rings, and put it down unless he asks to speak to me.

But now I'm worried. He has a sick note for the week, and the doctor thinks he has flu. Hence the blood tests. Do doctors usually test for flu, though?

I think he wanted me to know about his blood tests - I think that's why he told DD5. Should I go round and see him - he's off all week he said - he'd be alone in the flat, as OW will be at work.

What if some serious exposure hassle occurs when he's off sick? I didn't mean for it to happen this way!

Alphin (panicking)

Alphin, please calm down and realize this is fallout from HIS bad decisions not YOURS. If exposure hassels happen when he is sick, he just may snap out of it that much sooner. My H during his A with OW2 came home when he got very sick staying with her. Who was going to take care of him? Yep, me. Home was an inviting place away from her chaos.

Ok,now {{Alphin}}

Sorry.

I hate it when he's sick - always have.

I'll leave him alone.

Alph.