I was responding to Alph's comments that she was feeling that she might want to hide her head in shame in their neighborhood because the OW lives so close to Alph.

My purpose was to give Alph some power over this situation .... the affair is the dirty thing, not Alph and her girls.

I don't know if my suggestion was serious ... unless it is something Alph decides she is up for.

Alph should not hide ... OW and WH should hide. They are owners of the real dirt.

Hiding from them should NEVER be Alph's problem. She should STARE them down in public.

That's all Bob. Thanks for asking.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have just been speaking to MIL on the phone. WH and OW were down to visit them again last weekend.

OW has now been introduced to BIL, his partner and their little son. I feel sick. This woman has totally cut into my life! BIL's first wife left him for another man! I can't imagine how he feels about all this.

MIL said that WH and OW don't seem to have that much in common - I rejoiced to hear this. She also said that the Omelette seemed to be a very strong person. I keep wondering how much pressure she has put on WH to do the things he has done.

I know I shouldn't think about the OW so much - but I can't help it.

Alph.

Well, had my IBD clinic appointment. The nurses weigh you before you see the specialist. Then I went in and saw him - he's a great big bear of a man with red hair and a bushy beard. He said to me 'Well, my dear, you seem to have lost an awful lot of weight, why is that?' And I burst into floods of tears. The poor man just sat there staring at me as if I was a mad woman.

I was in his office for less than five minutes. I almost ran out of there.

I'm not going back for six months. I hope he's forgotten me by then.

Alph.

Oh, Alph, I'm sorry you were so embarrassed!

When I get that question, what I do most of the time is follow the advice Gimble gave me. I say, "My husband left the kids and me for a married woman." They are usually dumbstruck for a moment. Most people then reply with something like, "What a stupid *******."

I used to be too embarrassed to say anything, and I still am occasionally. The thing is, we have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Wow, this sounds familiar! My inlaws who have had the dubious honor of being introduced to the MOW/hag have said she and WH don't seem to have any chemistry and that she is not very sociable, but that she seems very comfortable in her role (as a controlling homewrecker?). I'll say it again, stupid aliens! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am guilty of this, too. I think it's only natural. I know that I wonder what the appeal is.

Squid and OM had EVERYTHING in common but I still smashed their affair. Don't sweat it.

I think about OM too a year on. I sometimes calm myself to sleep imagining his fingers and long bones breaking under the force of my baby sledgehammer.

Like counting sheep but more satisfying. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like to think about MOW/hag's eyelashes being pulled out one by one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Even better, her falling into a bottomless dark pit somewhere.

I dream of the old man dying well before me of hepatitis, or cancer so I can piss naked and laughing on his unconsecrated grave.

I too have violent thoughts about Omelette, b0b. But I crush them. CRUSH THEM! I try, anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


That's true, Peb. It's just a shame that the ones who should be embarrassed and ashamed are too fogged up to realise how they should be feeling!

As you say, STOO-PID aliens!

Oh, and I had a look at their septic lovenest for the first time today (it was on the way to the hospital). Rather squalid-looking I must say. There were some people in their garden on the opposite side of the road, enjoying the sun. I wanted to say to them: 'Do you know the people who live there? The man is my husband and the woman is his wh*re'.

But I didn't.

Should I? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

OMG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I spewed my Tropicana Twister diet orange soda when I read this! **snort** Babaranch, you slay me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

good imagery Bobbyboy!

I feel so helpless at the moment.

Everything is going the way of the infidels, nothing seems to be happening against them.

Exposure has done NOTHING so far. Just made me look hateful and spiteful and ridiculous to WH.

I don't know what I am going to do when the summer holidays come. WH and OW will be off work, and crawling all over my turf. I think it is inevitable that my girls meet the Omelette then. Perhaps it is better if I plan for this, get them to meet on my terms, rather than risk them meeting her accidentally in the street.

Is it normal to feel so down at this point? I thought exposure itself was hard, but waiting for something to happen is even worse, I think. WH is coming around here much less than he used to. I think he may be planning legal steps to gain more access to the girls.

If I can just make it to August, and my holiday, I think I will be OK. I have to get away from all this!

Alph.

Alphin,

In my case the effect of exposure was not immediate or sudden, but there definitely was an effect. WH didn't feel ashamed of his A until all the people closest to our family knew about it. It may have ended the PA, I can't be sure, because NC is established. In any case, I now see clearly that that was what got the ball rolling.

Don't give up!!! Hold your head up high! I think now that it is particulrily important to display yourself to WH as confident and upbeat. You are honest, open, caring, and warm-hearted looking after her children's interests just as a good mother should. You are NOT hateful, spiteful, or ridiculous! You should not let WH think that you feel one little bit guilty about exposure.

(((((Alphin)))))

losttranslation,

Thanks for that. I never should have gone around to their place yesterday - I'm sure that's what brought this mood on.

The problem with WH is that he doesn't feel a bit guilty about the A - all the family knows and it makes no difference. As I wrote yesterday, WH and OW were visiting MIL last weekend! It's impossible for MIL to talk to WH when the Omelette is there - a deliberate ploy, I am sure.

I am comforted somewhat by the fact that they don't appear to have much in common - but then WH has been showing signs of 'changing' his tastes and personality and making himself into a new person, just for her.

For example. WH and I have always loved Star Trek (major sad geek alert!!!). We have a great many of the episodes on DVD (I'd like to point out that we both liked it before we got together). When WH left, he didn't want to take the DVDs with him, and said he wasn't interested any more. Probably a trivial example. Perhaps he doesn't want anything that reminds him of our life together.

Another thing I can't get over is that he is smoking again (because of OW). Apart from the fact that it is horribly bad for you (and everyone else around you), WH and I always thought that the companies that make the products were exploitative and unethical. He's forgotten that now - forgotten also the fact that his DD12 is going to ba faced with smoking choices very soon in her own life.

I suppose that a personality transplant isn't unusual in a WH. I just hope it isn't permanent. I don't like him as this person. And he smells of smoke. YUK!

Alph.

I'm a few days from a three-month separation. The A has been going on for exactly six months.

I feel like I can't continue. I feel as bad today as I did on d/day. Worse, in fact. At least I was numb on d/day.

I want to call my solicitor and file for divorce. I need some closure on this. My children need some structure in their lives - not WH just coming and going when he feels like it. I will give him joint custody. He is a good father.

I don't think I can continue with this.

Alph.

Hi Alphin,
I dont know if you are online just now - can't quite get the hang of the time zone on this site, it's 1037hrs as I'm sitting here typing.

Don't think along those lines, you are just having a bad day and we all know how that feels. I find this site great for me most of the time, but on certain days coming here just plunges me further into that 'darknes' I don't like.

Take it easy today Alphin and give your body and mind a rest from all this as you're obviously in need of a re-charge. Oh, and go get some of Dr. Bach's Rescue remedy for your handbag, it does take the edge off of things.

Take care,

Hope

Yes Alph, it is quite normal for a BS to have 'down time'. Those feelings of despair come fairly close to the end of plan A. Your LB is drying up fast.

I read your later posts and see that your WS has taken up some different and in some cases vile habits. In a sense that is a good sign for you as the BS. Why? Because that is characteristic of an unstable person. His changes including the A is more characteristic of the A virus that has pentrated his brain, heart and soul. His very being has been changed as a result of the A. It is a very temporary thing. It may be long enough to end in D or not. That w/b more up to your choice than his.

Why? Because in this state of mind, he isn't capable of carrying out the D. He may try to push you t/d things for him and that is where you have him by the balls. Yep, you have tools at your disposal to wreek havoc on the A.

L.

Alphin,

I think you are in a slump and having a bad day. We all have those. I know when I get up my expectations and hopes too high, I can crash. I think this might have happened to you. I think that you might have been expecting something to change quickly after exposure.

Take it easy today. I know you weren't eager to take any AD medication. I KNOW I would not make it through this without it. After starting Ad medication I began putting on weight I had lost. I was down to 44 kilos! Now I'm back at 50, exactly where I should be. I feel so much better, much more stabile, and have been able to distance myself more emotionally.

Wait to file divorce. Use Plan B to prepare yourself for that step.

Do you have someone that you and your kids could go visit for a week, just to get away? Go dark for a few days and sort out your thoughts and prepare for Plan B? Have you got your letter ready and an intermediary assigned?

Alph, you are in a fragile physical state. I think it might be time for Plan B now.

I'm sorry, I really want to thank everyone for being so kind and helping me so much, but I know that things have been hopeless from the first.

WH has treated me so badly, with such disrespect, and yes, hatred. I can't think of anyone on the boards whose husband moved straight in with the OW after d/day. The way that WH and OW force themselves on the rest of the family, as if OW were the wife, and I'm just nothing at all.

The final straw was that they met BIL, whose wife left him for another man. How could they be so insensitive? BIL didn't really have any coice about meeting them - he was visiting with MIL, and WH and OW just sort of showed up.

OW has taken my life away. I have to make my own life. I've phoned my solicitor and have an appointment in the morning.

Thank you so much, everyone. I'll never forget your kindness, generosity and patience.

Alph.

{{{Alph}}}

I read your thread yesterday (only your posts, though) and thought about you last night. I'm disgusted by your WH's actions and wish you some peace.

Would you consider some AD's? You were resistant before, but I really think that you would find them helpful.

Cat