My WH and the OW were only too happy to tell their families about their 'love'. Two weeks after WH left, he and OW were down visiting his parents. A month after that, they were visiting her parents in Spain.

They behave as if the OW were just WH's new 'girlfriend', and there is no wife, no children, no broken lives. His parents are horrified, but there's nothing they can do.

Alph.

No Alph. Sh ehasn;t got your husband until you're divorced, you aren't fighting for your M, and WH is resolved in his head and heart about OW over you.

She holds a troubled man in her arms. A guilty man. A rationlizing man. A desperate man. A man incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now, not OW, not you not his own conscience.

OWs typically HATE loving history of their married WS. HATE it. They seem to know that whatever they eventually have it will be corrupted by betayal, sin and indecency.

Whetever happens OW will never have a 'clean' relationship with your WH. She will always hate you for making children in love with WH, for having shared half a lifetime of loving history in life's adventure with him. For reminding THEM BOTH just by your EXISTENCE of their sin and shame.

WH hates all that Alph. And as your WH's disquiet grows, it may well be what breaks their affair.

have faith.

Alphin - keep your head and spirits up. Don't let WH's decision get you down. No matter what happens, you will have to start believing that you will be OKay and FINE. And even if OW does "get what she wanted", the best "revenge" is to live well for yourself and your children. Show them that you can be an even much better, happier, enriched person. Live each day at a time. You can do it!!


~A

b0b, Ashley - thank you.

I wish these durned ADs would kick in!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Why do I feel worse now than I did a month ago? I guess it's because I'm in plan A. Give, give, give, with no apparent comeback.

DD12 is performing in her school play tomorrow night and Thursday. WH has ordered a ticket for himself. I'd love to go too (with DD5) but it's on a little late for her. And it's Shakespeare. I doubt she'd be entranced.

But it would be a good plan A opportunity if we went together - WH was trying to talk to me about it previously when I was crying about not being able to buy any bread. Maybe I should ask if he can take us with him to the play, when he phones the girls this evening?

I'm far too proud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> How do I stop being proud?

Alph.

Alph,

Is there someone that could watch DD5 while you go? I know how important it is, at 12, to have parents at a play... I hope that you're able to get there.

The AD's will probably take two weeks to kick in. You've only been on them a few days, right?

Bob's right about OW not getting what she wants just yet. You will always be a threat to her and her "R" with WH, so long as you're married. Perhaps once he sees more of the consequences of his actions the fog will start to clear. The bread thing was only one part.

Cat

I might risk taking DD5 along after all. It would mean so much for her if we went together.

I bet OW wouldn't like it much, either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

he he he... You've got the right idea!

It's done! He is taking DD5 and me to the play on Wednesday!!!

I mentioned pride before. I remember when WH first said he was leaving I told him that we'd never do things as a family again (I know, I know - I was crazy). He said at the time that of course we would, nothing would change, we could still do things as a family. And here we are!

It's taken a lot for me to climb down to this position. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> All for the good of Plan A!

Alph.

Based on what I've read on MB so far, the WS always thinks that nothing will change with the family unit.

I read your full story a week or two ago, but I can't remember how long you plan to stay in Plan A. Would you mind refreshing my memory?

Cat

I intend to start plan B in the fall.

I'm on holiday for the first couple of weeks of August, a week in Barcelona, and a week with my parents (our anniversary is on the 14th and I don't want to be alone for that). Then, just a few more weeks of contact upon our return and then I go dark.

If/when I do my telephone counseling with SH, I may revise that time limit.

Alph.

Thanks for the refresher <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have fun at the play!

Cat

Thank you Cat!

I'm really looking forward to it now. I feel like a nervous teenager!

Alph.

I'm far too proud. How do I stop being proud?

You don't. Your pride in yourself. Will outlast almost everythng else in your life.

Quit haughtiness and point scoring but BE proud. ACT proudly. MAKE YOURSELF proud.

Pride in myself is one thing, but hurt pride is something else.

I have plenty of this! It makes me sniffy with WH, and I can't be sniffy. I really had to swallow that pride earlier, when I texted him to ask if he'd take DD5 and me to DD12's play on Wednesday.

Hopefully he'll see I am trying to be pleasant.

I'm not looking forward to travelling in the car, however. In the seat where OW sits every day now! Think perhaps I should spray the seat with some anti-bac spray before I get in, right in front of WH? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

More leisure activities with H and kids .... YES !!!!!!

This sometimes happends...

the WS really wants to return home to the family but cannot see the welcome mat in place ... make SURE he sees the welcome mat ... for HIM without OW.

They are so dumb that they think this...

"Alph would never take me back after what I've done to her.
I'd never take Alph back if she did this to me.
All is lost ... might as well stick with this OW, because I have screwed up my chances with Alph."

Make sure that he 100% knows he is welcome home if he ends this A .... in a time limited way, naturally.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Spray your scent on yourself while sitting in the car ... FOR SURE ... and be generous with the scent!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I've said this before, but I guess fog filters out stuff from the brain, so I should say it again. Not in front of DD5, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Apart from anything else - like wanting to restore my marriage! - I never want WH to be able to say that I threw this away. He has to know, whatever happens between us, that I tried my best to save the M. I want my girls to know that too.

They'll be so happy to see us together on Wednesday!

Alph.

Oh yes. And I'll make sure I'm looking supa dupa too.

Alph.

WH spoke to me tonight after talking to the girls. He sounded cold. I wonder if something happened at school today re exposure.

He doesn't talk to me like that when he is here with us. Maybe he changes the way he talks to me when OW is in the room.

I'm looking forward to going out with WH and DD5 (watching DD12!) but it's going to be emotional too. The last time we watched DD12 in a school production WH had already decided to leave us, and was only pretending to be a husband and father.

Alph.

I was just browsing on Amazon and I noticed that an author WH and I are both very fond of has released a new novel.

When I went nuts after WH left and made him take all his stuff that I'd piled up on our diningroom table, all the books by this author were included. I didn't want any reminders then of things that we'd loved and shared. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I remember mentioning a while ago (pre-affair) that the author was bringing out this new book, and we were both very excited about it. Should I buy it as a gift for WH? Or would that be a little strange? Perhaps he views everything we both enjoyed as 'tainted' now - doesn't leave much in his life then, to be honest. Except OW, who isn't much either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So - should I buy the book?

Hey - perhaps I could buy the book and send it to him for our anniversay (in August). No?

Alph.