Probably because his conscience has been bothering him.

Here's an idea:

Write a letter to your H...

tell him the things you love about him

also

tell him how this affair hurts you and the girls (no name calling and NO mention of OW)

"We miss seeing you in the morning when we get up."

"We miss you at night during story time."

"The girls are confused and sad that their Daddy has left."

"I feel like a hole has replaced what used to be my heart. It hurts so much not to be in your arms."

"I weep in the shower."

"This is such a sadness I never thought we'd have to face."

"I want so very much for you to return to the family ... and recover our marriage with me."

"You are the only man I've ever loved."

"At night, I dream about you coming to me and kissing me ... and I wake in tears I miss you so much."

Make it a very personal, very sad love letter offering hope that there is a chance for the family if only he will return.

Can you do that?

If you want to write a draft and post it here ... we could make sure there were no LBs in it.

Pep

Hi Pep,

This is something that I have considered many, many times. But the thought of WH possibly handing it over to OW and the two of them laughing at it has always stopped me.

Referring to my book post (above); I thought I might write some similar sentiments to those you suggest inside the dust jacket.

Somehow, he might be less inclined to show that to OW. I don't know why, really. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

That is why you make it personal about HIM and NO mention whatsoever of OW ... he's MORE likely to hide such a letter from her I think.

You are at a disadvantage with the out of house Plan A ... and inviting him back home is going to be to your advantage.

I doubt they will laugh about your pain ~and~ your children's pain ... do mention "family" and "home" and all that .... anywho ... I think your WH needs extra attention to draw him back home.

Pep

He does need a little encouragement, to be sure.

I'll get on it. But not tonight. The Prozac is knocking me for six - I haven't felt this sleepy since I was pregnant.

Thanks, Pep.

Alph.

That's a good idea.

Can you call him?

I would start calling him at their apartment.

OW: "Hello."

Alph: "This is Toad's wife. I need to speak to him."

OW: "Is something wrong?"

Alph: "Family business."

Toad: "You called here? What's wrong?"

Alph: "Can you meet me at Joe's cafe for a cup of tea or coffee. I have some family stuff to discuss and I want to see you."

INVITE HIM to meet you at least once a week.

Then ... hand him the book.

Next time a music CD.

Persue him a little bit. That's probably what OW did .... flattered him, invited him, and stole him from under your nose.

Use your female charms Alph.

Get him to commit to meeting with you ... and have some little family business to discuss, and then open up to him. Tell him how much you miss him.

This will cause all sorts of tension between them!

Pep

Pep, you are GOOD!

... ~and~ I'm bad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pep

I am so sleepy on these ADs. I am going to have to take a long nap today if I'm not going to fall asleep on WH at DD12's play tonight.

It's absolutely chucking it down up here - I got soaked taking DD5 to school today. Poor little kid - not only is she miserable because her daddy's left but there's a girl in her class who's picking on her. I've talked to the teacher but nothing seems to have changed.

I think I'll talk to WH about this. As her father, and as a teacher, I hope he shows some concern. He might even be able to give me some advice. All schools have an anti-bullying policy these days, but it seems a bit much to enforce that for a five year old 'bully'.

Still, the worry of it kept DD5 awake last night. Something has to be done.

Alph.

Alphin,

Would you consider enrolling DD5 in a karate program, or something similar? I've heard that this type of program is great for kids, it teaches them self-esteem and how to stand up to bullies, hopefully never having to use the physical stuff that they've learned.

It took me about a week to get onto a normal sleep schedule on ADs. How long have you been taking yours? You could end up needing an extra hour a night or something. Hopefully it will level out soon.

Cat

Alphin,
Give Prozac two weeks. If you are still feeling drowsy, talk to your doctor about trying something else.

I was suffering from PTSD --- insomnia, anxiety attacks, severe depression, extreme weight loss. I had to try a couple different things and adjust the dosage, but now I have something that works great for me. I have a sort-of sleeping pill that I take at night that also helps to heighten my mood during the day. In the morning I have a medication that is primarily to hamper anxiety attacks. I don't feel like a numb zombie at all, I still have feelings, both positive and negative, but the negative ones no longer completely swallow my life.

I gave two weeks to each medication. That is said to be about the norm for them to kick in.

Hopefully the extra sleep you are getting now3 will help you put on weight and gain strength...
perhaps for seducing your WH ala PepperB!

I wish you a very, very positve family evening tonight and that perhaps WH will see how children bask in the united light of their parents.

Alphin,

When you spray the scent make sure you hit your backside so that you leave your scent in the car for OW to smell when she gets back in.

Good luck tonight your doing great.

HINY

LIT,

Tell us what you are taking if you could please? I have been battling anxiety and sleeplessness & depression for a couple of years now (since dday). I tried lexapro and it made me like a zombie even after a couple of months and xanax is addicting, so I try not to take that a night too much anymore. Xanax sure did help with the nightmares though.

Thanks,

HINY

HINY,

I'm taking 45 mg of mirtazapin (mirtabene here in Austria) at night and 10 mg of escitalopramoxalat (cipralex) during the day. If I feel a real nasty anxiety attack coming on I take 15 mg of oxazepam (praxiten), but I haven't had to do that since May.

I did try 50 mg of sertralin (tresleen)during the day, but that didn't agree with me. My mouth was very dry, I got the shakes, and my shoulders and neck hurt all the time.

The stuff I am taking is supposedly not addictive.

Just getting some sleep and back up to nearly 50 kg has been a great help and surely would not have been possible without medication.

I'm sorry to continue the threadjack... I was taking mirtazapine, and prior to that I took lorazapam for my panic attacks.

The mirtazapine is used as a sleeping aid as well as an AD, which worked great for me. As I said before, it took a week to get used to, but after that it served it's purpose well.

Cat

Alph ... start calling him at his apartment.

Call every day to chat. To report what the kids are doing. Cute things they said. problems they are facing. Communicate to him every damn day at their home.

[color:"red"] *** invade THEIR space *** [/color]

and do NOT apologize for needing to talk to your husband.

If things get difficult talking to OW ... say to her ... "I need to speak to my husband about our family. Put him on the phone."

Do it.

losttranslation and HINY,

Not having a good time with the ADs, had extreme anxiety and the shakes today, along with fatigue - went to bed and couldn't really sleep; just obsessed about my sitch in shallow, shakey nightmares.

Still, I know this is normal for the first couple of weeks. I am feeling better now, but not quite so looking forward to the play this evening. It will be OK, though. I can put on a brave face! I'll probably spend most of the evening cuddling DD5 as she sleeps in my lap, anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Still pouring with rain. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Pep, I think I might start calling them, but I'll wait until I'm over these side effects.

Alph.

Alph

I had panic attacks and shakes on cipramil. Hated 'em.

See your doc for different ones. There will be one that suits you.

Doc said that I should expect to feel worse before I feel better.

I'm a week in today. Perhaps things will be better tomorrow.

Alph.

Wow, they all use different names in different countries don't they?

Alph I hope you feel better. I was on prozac for years and it worked great for the depression. I had no sex drive and I seemed hungrier than normal some days, but other that that it was great.

I think things will get better if not, switch to something else. There are tons of different ones to try.

Pep is right on. Try to have fun tonight please. Squeeze in a hug or a kiss maybe?

HINY

I hope the AD talk wasn't too much of a threadjack, Alph.
I am thinking of you...probably at your daughter's concert this moment.I hope it is an pleasant family evening!