We just got back from our local Italian restaurant.

I asked WH if he wanted to come out with us today, but he said he couldn't make it. So we went anyway! And yet, he still phoned the girls at the usual time, expecting us to in waiting for his call. We weren't - we were out having fun without him.

He called from his place. If he was there, then WHY couldn't he have come out with us? It's five minutes in the car. OW has him on a tight leash, I bet.

It was his loss - we had a great time, just the three of us.

Alph.

Sorry, I missed what book you are sending him?

ALPH ... do this !!!

Hit redial

call him at their place

tell him "Thanks for calling the girls. We were out. Although we had fun, it would have been better with you there. All of us really miss you."

WH and I are big Robin Hobb fans (Fantasy geeks - I admit it). Well, WH used to be. He's given up everything that we used to have in common, because he's not allowed to have anything in common with me any more. Because he and OW have everything in common now. Like...? well, dunno really <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So I'm sending him the first book in a new trilogy. I'm going to write some nice lines under the dust cover, and hope that it clears a couple of fog molecules.

Pep, I can't phone him now. I've had a couple of glasses of wine, and I'm just not used to it any more. I'd only make a fool of myself now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

*cluck cluck*

Absolutely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Ok, I remember you mentioning that book now.
Thanks.

And speaking of Fantasy, J.R.R. Tolkien said this:

"Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to."

WH is a big Tolkien fan. But I bet he'd still poo-poo this quote at the moment.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Do I have more of a chance with WH if we still enjoy each other's company?

We had such a nice evening the other night when we went to see DD12's play. Almost like old times! But WH said to me when he left me 3 months ago that we were 'just friends' - ie, not lovers any more. Well, he said lots of [email]cr@p[/email] really - two minutes after he said we were just friends he said that he thought I'd hated him for years. I don't know many people who hate their friends, to be honest.

But anyhoo, We got on very well at the play - it was almost effortless (except that I was very tired because I've started taking ADs). What I'm saying is - WH doesn't think that this easy, cosy relationship is love - what he has with OW is love. I'm just his friend.

He wants us to stay friends, because it will be better for the children. It may be, but I don't want to be his friend. I want to be his wife. I don't want anything less than that.

He is turning into a prize-winning cake-eater, I think.

Alph.

Alphin, that's almost the same drivel WH told me the day after that he decided he wanted to separate. He wants to stay as friends after we separated <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I told him I can't.. coz it will hurt too much.

but then since then he's pretty much avoided me anyway.


~A

Hi Ashley,

It's just something they say to make themselves feel better, right? I know if it wasn't for the kids my WH wouldn't have looked back at me at all, not even in a 'friendly' way!

I've just been reading on another thread (thanks Gimble and Pebbles) that conflict avoiders are the most likely to remarry and to have that marriage fail.

Interesting. Looks bad for WH and the Omelette, then! I don't know if they plan to marry, but they act like they are already (moving in together, she's bought him a little pinky ring etc). Perhaps there's more hope than I thought.

I've also been thinking about WH not coming out with us yesterday, when he was at home and could have easily joined us. Either Omelette has told him he's not allowed to go out with me, or there's something bad happening at school for them. Or I could be completely off track, once again.

Alph.

I'll put money on the omelette being mad about him spending time with you and his family!


HINY

Hey Alphin, I'm not surprised abt the CA thing and their re-marriages coz they never resolved the original problems in the first place!!

I'm sure OW is NOT HAPPY at all abt him spending time with you and kids. You invaded her turf, just as she had invaded yours. But you still have the right to do so! She knows she can't argue with that logic but feels that she needs to and hence..... WH-on-a-tight-leash-syndrome.

~A

Took the girls to the park this afternoon.

DD12 was sad and mopey. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that her life had fallen apart since her dad left - her friends were avoiding her and she had no interest in anything. She said that she couldn't see the point of life any more.

I am very worried about her. I know she's hormonal and virtually a teenager, but this was a frightening thing to hear.

So much for the girls not getting hurt and being happier after WH left us. Sometimes I feel I could wring his neck.

DD12 and I talked a little, then DD5 came over and asked us what why we seemed sad. I told her we were sad because Daddy was gone. And she said: But he is gone; he's really gone now.

I don't know which is sadder - the fact that DD12 still pines so much for him, or that DD5 doesn't.

So then we cheered up and played a little in the park. There was no one else there, so I got to play on the slide! Afterwards I bought them icecreams, and we came home and ate them out on the deck.

It's a lovely hot day.

Alph.

Aph,

I think the hurt that children feel is the worst. It cuts me to the quick when my kids are sad because Daddy is not home. Teenagers are so hard too. My 15 year old is so fragile and he is a boy!!! My 18 year old daughter wants to kill him and my 8 year old son just wants Daddy home. Why can't they see what this does to the kids????

Glad you had fun at the park. I try so hard to be happy for my kids. They don't deserve any of this!

Hi, Lost.

You're right - they don't deserve this at all. WH still thinks that everything will be the same for them, except that he now lives elsewhere. I can't believe how thick the fog is with him.

Every time I have a day like today, when the pain in my kids is so evident, I lose a little bit more love for WH. It's what he does to them that's going to push me towards plan B; he's already hurt me as much as he can.

Alph.

I totally agree with you. Hurting me is one thing, but hurting my kids is something I can't stand for. I am trying Plan A, but Plan B seems inevitable.

Today is hard for me for some reason.

DD12 has just told me she doesn't want to play the violin any more (she's been playing for 5 years, and is very good).

She hasn't had the heart to pick it up since WH left. WH doesn't play the violin, but he's a music teacher, and helped her a lot with tuning and music theory.

Now he's gone, that's all over. Her last teacher told us that DD12 could be a professional.

I am so sad about this. I thought WH had only broken my heart, but DD12's is broken too. She loved playing the violin - it almost defined her! Now that's all over, at least for now. Perhaps a little ways down the line she'll reconsider.

I hope so.

Alph.

Your daughter may need to get on some anti-D's. I would watch her carefully, and if she doesn't start coping better, take her to a doctor.

This is a life long desire of married men .... to feel that their woman is passionate about them. Not one guy here will argue with me. Right Sir Bob? ~LOL~

Pep, 'Sir Bob' in the UK is ' Bob Geldof - the former Boomtown rats singer who made Live Aid and Live 8 happen !
LOL !

Yes, feeling desirable is wonderful.

The other night I'd gone to bed early , tired after aard day traveliing and working. Squid HAD to wake me up to 'enjoy ' me when she came up to bed. Man it been years since that happened.

My tiredness just,erm., disappeared. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This weekend at our holiday home,we were sat talking in the thiry degree c sunshine sun after breakfast , and Squid took advantage of a quiet morning with the kids playing in the river.... * ahem * Right there on the grass...we shook each others worlds.

This woman told me less than a year ago she didnt love me, I was dirt compared to OM and she wished I could find someone else and be happy.

Now she loves and appreciates me and is TURNED ON SERIOUSLY by me. I make her crawl the walls and she LUXURIATES In my efforts in loving her, physically , emotionally, verbally.

She has bought NICE underwearfor her to wear for ME for the first time in our marriage. Lovely it is too. And washable I hope * blush *

It is all of my prayers, wide and deep so be so adored and appreciated NOT our of charity and guilt but our of comprehending choice and physically animal attraction.

Alph, you do that for you man, and he's one wierd hombre who will not be blown away IMO.

pep is exactly right.