Coach,

This is my perspective on your wife's actions:

Based on your prior experience, I think your wife came home, with the expectation that you were going to "Plan A" her and that she could possibly explain her actions away. You did the exact opposite, which infuriated her.

I think she decided that two could play that game, and she has made up her mind that she is going to win....and that getting a reaction from you is a "win" for her. In short, she decided to "show you a thing or two".

She fell in a slump after she spewed all those hateful things at you because she thought she had failed. However, when you went into the bedroom and started sobbing (a perfectly normal reaction, BTW, and no blame to you there), she decided that maybe she had a chance of winning after all, and the bite was just to show you how cold-blooded she could be. When you did not call the police and did nothing to get her out of your bed, that solidified her "win" in her mind.

I think that was your first mistake. The second mistake was in going to the doctor WITH her. You should have, after calling the police, gone straight to the ER.

Coach, she may love you, but she will do anything to "be in charge". That seems to be of the utmost importance to her.

I think you should contact the OM's wife right away.

Also, have you set up any monitoring of the phones and computer to see if she is contacting the OM?

Good luck, and I agree that you should be concerned about your physical safety. And, make sure Jake is safe.

LC

I'm sorry, but who gives a flip what people will think at the wedding. What other people say or think is not important.

It is not our business what other people think about us.

Coach DOES need to protect himself in this situation.

2long...of course an attorney wouldn't say the last line..that was for Coach's benefit..

Lady..who cares if she's contact Prof at this point...the woman is very sick and her problems reach far beyond adultery...Coach and Jake need to get away from this situation...

Someone earlier quoted Coach on his ponderance that something must be wrong with him if she treats him this way...Coach that's sad...I've been there and on occasion will go back there..(stbx claims-yeah right-since our separation that he quit drinking and my mind immediately went to "it's then my fault he drinks because I'm out of the picture")...as with me, this has absolutely nothing to do with you at all...it's her sickness that has taken your sense of value hostage...

BTW I saw your picture on Photo thread and you're a very handsome man...don't let this situation drag you down further...

ANY future interactions, discussions, negotiations, etc., between Coach and his WW should be conducted only with witnesses present.... in my opinion.

NEVER underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned...

Pep

Coach:

Get out of your own fog !! Please do what you would advise someone else to do in the same situation. I know that this situation sucks any way you slice it, but I am quite fearful and suprised of your actions and thoughts so far. Noone can tell you what to do, but the "game" as you are playing will eventually have one loser...and that will be you. I am sorry to see this happening to you, but I don't think you of all people need any sugarcoating. Remove yourself from this insanity.....NOW.

LM

Just a thought to throw out to those that feel Coach handled his "animal" maiming properly.

Switch gender roles. What would your take be on the same scenario? Would your counseling include ignoring this viciousness and not filing a police report?

I think not.

Woman battered by her husband brings universal justifiable condemnation..............woman cuts off man's penis in a fit of rage. Fodder for late night "comedians".

It's not too late to file a police report now. Coach for your own safety, do it.

COACH:

After reading your account of that tragic evening, I honestly asked myself if you could have done something to provoke her attack? This is not saying that there could ever be any justification for her actions. I was just wondering about the underlying dynamics of it all.

Then you said this:



Do you mind sharing what you meant by this? Fill in the blanks?

I totally agree that this sounds like a dangerous situation that you need to remove yourself from.....

However, knowing you, I think you may have more control and understanding of this situation than we can possibly comprehend..

I hope so.... I'm praying so....

Coach,

How are you doing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

U know looking back, many of us BS and xBS went through traumas and dramas that would make many people's head spin.

I recall Peachy's H throwing her and her then 3 year old son out of the home and she had to stay in a motel. Another MBer out in CA was thrown out into the street while her H lived in his parent's $750K home. I had the privilege of serving an RO on that WS along with her friend and 3 strapping police officers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He threw her out with no car and no $ along with 2 children (10 and 1 1/2 years).

Then there was WAT's case where the OM lived down the street. He had several incidents, I recall the dog one, well he can tell you more stories. Topie25 had to change her user name cuz her H was reading her posts and then he was found to be abusing young girl(s) and he abused her and she left with her 3 boys and had to get help from a woman's shelter. Her WS left her shortly after their son died and she delivered a set of twins. There were several H Bs' who lost their jobs and homes, had to live with others and their children til housing c/b found.

The list goes on and on. The one constant factor is that all of these cases have BS' who survived. It takes strong will and the right POV.

Think about filing a police report. My H called 911 when he tried to report me (BS) as a 'crazed woman'. I was throwing ( literally) throwing his clothes out the door. After sooo many false recoveries, I couldn't plan A anymore. I was not about to pack or even put his stuff in garbage bags. I needed and them out of the house and fast. Didn't care what the neighbors thought. The neighbors already knew. So when the 1st 2 officers responded and they saw him shoving me back into the house (no bruises, bits or any marks), they arrested him on the spot for domestic violence. He was an angered man, even swearing at the police officer who was this much larger guy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> All that did was prove to the police they arrested the right one. He spent 2 1/2 days in the local jail, then went to live with the OW for about 67 days. LOL!!! Talk about doing your time. At the end he was crying and begging me to come home.

Now I can tell you that hindsight says it would have been better to leave him out there longer but I took him bacck. EAch time I did, the stakes for return went up.

The lesson here is set your boundaries, be safe, gather your facts. This includes filing a police report. Your doctor s/b reporting this also.

Remember a WS does not care about anyone except what fuels the A. So you are all (including Jake), you are all in danger. Be careful.

take care,
L.

"It's not too late to file a police report now. Coach for your own safety, do it."

I'm thinking that filing should be done for Jake's safety. That is where she would have you by the short and curlies coach. If it appears to her that you will hide her outrageous behavior that occurs after you have "pushed buttons" it could leave you wide open coach.

Take steps to protect Jake from getting caught in any crossfire. I hope she doesn't get the idea that going through Jake is the only way to get your attention or to be able to regain control.

Clear mind, calm heart--act, don't react.

Take care coach

If she is trying to get your attention by hurting you...what would hurt you the most? Does she love Jake too or does she resent the attention you give him? You know the players in this game better then anybody. Do you really know what she is capable of? Did you ever think she would draw blood, tend to herself but not to you? I don't know much but I have a very uneasy feeling for you. Please protect yourself and Jake.

You are in my prayers

With all respect to LovingBoundaries, thanks for your proving my exact point.





Coach, forget about the fact that you have been attacked and battered requiring medical attention, do it for your doggie.

After all you are a big strong man and not a wussy are you?

The next step would be to have Coach stabbed or shot then we can all chime in about how terrible it would be to have you dare bleed during your daughters wedding.

Coach,

I have to say that I don't agree with how you're handling this situation at all and it's not a game of one upmanship. So I think I will bow out and hope that you will be ok.You are getting plenty of input from many other's anyway.

Much luck to you.

O

Susan said (in response to my earlier comments) ...


Susan,

I disagree completely with you in this. I'm sure Coach cares a great deal about what people think about him. "What other people say or think" - in this real world - is very important. In fact a very central issue for a man who's wife has been unfaithful is the wound to his pride.


And that is exactly what I am talking about. Without a good name, a man is nothing! Coach has to protect his reputation. I seriously doubt that his wife is going to kill him. That would not be to her advantage. She is not that crazy (if she is crazy at all).

Perhaps I was unclear in what I wrote.

I absolutely think he should file a police report. I think he must talk to the prof's wife. I think he should move out of the house. I think he should be present at the wedding and carry out his role as father of the bride with dignity and with joy in his daughter's happiness.

But, I advise coach not to do anything which violates his personal integrity. Especially in this time with the attention of many is directed upon his family, any cruelty or unfairness which he unleashes will be noticed - and it will not be in his best interest. Take the high road.

-AD

I just wanted to add...

I have been the victim of a violent wife, and I never filed a police report either. Nevertheless, I think Coach should.

~Coach~

If you have any firearms in your home, please remove them immediately.

Pep

Sir
I strongly suggest that your plan for 'righteous' manipulation to gain teh upper hand in this mess are stowed very quickly.

Yoru wife is unstable and your own action smay fuel that fire.

This is no time for "games", it is time for protection.

All blessings

coach...
in the late 80's i was with an abusive woman that hit me....threw things....and screamed and called me names....1 night she threw 1 of my butcher knives at me...it went thru a 2" thick door ....that was it...call the police before the door becomes you or your jake

solid wood door that is

Coach are you ok? Hopefully you are just ducking all the 2x4's. How is your neck? Human bites can get nasty infections. Please let us know you are ok.