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#1403826 06/13/05 03:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3
L
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Hello,this is my first post but have been reading for a while.
Me and my boyfriend moved very quickly when we met. We have been together for 10.5 months and have spent nearly everyday together. We love eachother so much,we're best friends. We moved in together just 3 months after our first date. We talk about everything, we both want to get married, have kids, build a house, have a farm...etc.
We felt married after 3 months but knew that it was way too soon, so we moved in together instead.
I like to plan and research, I wanted to make sure us living together didn't ruin what we have. And it hasn't. Now that it has been almost a year, we're talking about getting engaged and we have put an offer in on a house in the country. We both feel and act like we're married already(happily married), we just want a decent amount of time to pass so that people don't think we're being hasty or rushing in. We take premarital quizzes and questionaires to prepare ourselves for possible problems that may arise. We don't believe in divorce so we need to be prepared for the long haul. How long do you think we should wait till we get married? Any advice in staying happy for couples who are living together? thanks. me and mike

lilowitch #1403827 06/16/05 04:15 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
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Wow, this is a tough one. Cohabitation can really cause problems later in marriage. You probably won't like this suggestion, but I think you should separate for at least a year & just date. If you still want to get married, you always can.

Just my opinion.


May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, John Rahrrrrrr!!
Joined: Dec 2004
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Aslan speaketh much truth.

No matter how you feel, you ain't married. You're not locked in to the relationship permanently, you always have an escape route, and that brings it's own "safety valve" to the relationship. It means you don't really have to be 100% committed, you can always bail if it gets too tough.

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It's not a very bad suggestion at all Aslan, me and mike have actually talked about doing that after we found out the statistics of divorce for cohabitors. Too bad we didn't know that before we moved in together. I'm trying to find loopholes in the statistics so that we can beat the odds, I may just be making excuses cause I really enjoy living with him. Like the fact we're Canadians reduces divorce rate by over 20% from the divorce rate in the U.S. He's 32, meaning he's older and mature. He's also finacialy secure. I'm only 24 but very mature and know what I want. I'll bring up the whole separating to date thing with him again and also see about stopping the sex until marriage as well, we've discussed doing that as well(He suggested it actually, cause he saw my concern over the statistics).

lilowitch #1403830 06/23/05 12:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
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Quote:

He's 32, meaning he's older and mature.




He he he... These don't necessarily go hand in hand

I lived with my H for three years before we got married, and we dated three years prior to that.

I think, looking back, that I was insanely naive about the work involved in making a happy marriage. We only go married last month, but we've been living by MB principles since early January.

It really takes a lot of patience to learn how to deal with conflict when you know that there is no way you're going anywhere. It's not like you can just pack a bag and be done if the other person does something that you don't like.

You're probably thinking "he wouldn't do anything that I'd dislike enough to leave" but I would disagree. The relationship is still young, and you're probably both still on your best behaviour.

I would say to keep reading the material on the site and seek out the material specific to living together first.

Btw - I'm Canadian also.

Cat


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