It's been almost 2 months since I've had a bad day. It's better that I'm not in tears every day like I was 6 months ago. But I figure every once in a while, a person can wallow for a bit. What makes today so "special"?
1) Well, WH and I have had one of our first ever, in nearly 30 years, arguments about money. The double lifestyle is hemorraging our bottomline. Now, he wants me to dip into the reserve fund I set aside to pay for things. Not good, especially since he hasn't been honest about his financials and won't talk about it.
2) Today, I've sent letters to the financial aid offices of my DSs' colleges. The numbers on the tax forms don't tell the whole story. I'm just telling them about the basic situation. Maybe somebody will be merciful and send a few $ my kids' way. I also sent an inquiry to the university I'd like to take classes from.
3) I've just filled out my first job application form. I haven't done one since 1983. Kinda hits home about the dates of education and job experience. The last place I worked has been out-of-business for 17 years. How much clout does being a Girl Scout leader for 6 years carry? Do all those boards, councils and committees I've served on count at all? How can I package myself effectively? I'm looking at jobs in our local school system. Doesn't pay well but the hours will have a better impact on my daughter.
4) I look around the beautiful, light, airy home that I love and wonder how long I will stay here. It use to be a house filled with people. Next year, it will probably be DD and I rattling around in this big house. I have to think practically.
5) I've decided not to take my kids to WH's family reunion. It's a long drive for little time. It was a tough decision. I need to face up with my MIL on this one.
6) All my siblings are coming into town for our family reunion starting on Sunday. We all live in different states. Somebody will probably be staying at my house but who and when, I don't know. More cleaning, which I hate. My garden looks wonderful, though. If my picky BIL starts to sneer, I'll let him have it-both barrels!
7) One of my good friend's son is suppose to get the results of a bone marrow test today. He is 18, 6'5" tall, played football with my son and may have cancer. He's lost 50 lbs in the last month. I don't even know what to say my friend except I'm here for her.
8) Sunday is my BIG birthday, the big five-oh. I don't feel like I'm old, middle aged or more than just a little mature. High mileage but no dents. Before D-day, I'd hoped to spend my fiftieth birthday in Italy. It's a place I've always wanted to visit and never have. Perhaps next year. I'm definitely going sometime! I didn't think my life would be in such turmoil at this milestone. I'm glad I'm going to be surrounded by my family on that day. Makes one reflect a bit.
So, that's what's on the Grapevine today. I'm going to ask my kids for big hugs. One of my dogs has his head on my foot as I type. Anything helps. I think I'll go out into the sun and pull some weeds. That usually makes me feel better.
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