Good idea.

Plan B is like setting up a fence with a gate. You give her the key to the gate if she is willing to work on the M. If she is not...then you have built a nice fence with a gate for someone else after the D.

Plan B starts with a love letter...where you tell her you love her, want your M to work, and admit to the part you played in the destruction of the M.

You explain your love for her will no last forever and you are going to limit if not cut out completely any contact with her to preserve what love you have left until she is willing to commit to the M or there is D.

You lay out a bit of how you will work visiting the munchkin.

And then you let her know what needs to happen if she wants to work on the M (no more contact with OM or dates, MC, real talks) Only if these things happen will you entertain the notion of reconciliation.

And then the hard part happens...NC with her. Set up an intermediary for the kid emergencies or pick up, drop offs...

To heck with the love letter, Ive shown it and said it a million times. I cant stomach it any more.

Do you think I should push forward with a legal seperation or leave it up to her?

I know, I know, you are full of anger and hurt, betrayal and rejection. This M may end, or may recover, either way, do you want to do it in anger and fear, or love and compassion... What kind of a person do you want to be...

Still your really starting to piss me off. Your like the little Angel on my shoulder. I cant seem to knock you off. LOL Im just kidding.

Truth is I'm not sure right this second I'll wait a few days see how I feel.

Thanks again

PS what do you think about the legal seperation stuff.

The legal separation stuff is generally a good idea, but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Are you doing it to protect yourself and your rights and assets or are you doing it to hurt her back...maybe a little of both. OK, when you get to the point when you need it more to protect yourself, then go for it.

It is important to let the WW know you are still willing to work on the M should that time come, but there will be a time when you won't want to...

OK, she's thrown you NO bones for the past year(s)? But I'm leary of the absolutes you speak of when you say 'never' and 'always'. You ARE getting some EN's met or else you wouldn't be hanging around still and loving her too.

Yes, move to Plan B in your own time, no pressure. And don't do it out of spite, hate, anger, or retaliation, but do it out of protection for yourself and the love you still have (?)

It was an interesting weekend. It was however just what I needed to make my decision to move into plan b

Friday evening after taking our DD to the park and dinner I dropped her off. My W was having her sister over who was bringing a friend with her that she wanted my W to meet. Friend as in my SIL’s “love” interest. My SIL and I are still good friends. I had not intended to stay but my W asked me to hang out with them. So I did.

The wine was flowing freely and I did get a good opportunity to tell my SIL how much I love my W and that I was willing to do anything to work on our M and that I would never do anything again to hurt her. She really didn’t have any answers as to what was in my W’s heart as to reconciling our M. She did say though that my W still goes back and forth with what to do. Her only advice was to keep doing what you doing.

They went upstairs and my W and I were alone outside by the pool. She was VERY drunk. At this point she took off her bathing suit and got completely naked in front of me and started swimming in the pool. She was dancing around in the pool very seductively. I of course made some cautious moves toward her but she really didn’t want me touching her. She only made some derogatory remarks at me about my past indiscretions.

She was too drunk to walk up the stairs. I carried her up to her room took her in to the bathroom where she proceeded to vomit just short of the toilet. I then held her hair as she continued to vomit in the toilet. I cleaned up the mess cleaned her up put some clothes on her and put her into bed. I stayed for about an hour just making sure she was ok then I went home.

Saturday was interesting but for the sake of space It was typical of most days.

We have as friends an older couple whom my W almost considers as a surrogate Mother and Father. She is very close with them. They have been remodeling there home and I have been helping them to do some work. Sunday I spent the day at their house putting in a ceiling. I spoke with them about the situation. Told them the same things I told my SIL. The too had no idea what my W’s intentions were. They were quite surprised to hear about the events of Friday night. They do however know about the BF. They went with my W to a party Saturday that the BF came to also. They didn’t tell me this I just know. Their advice was the same as my SIL, keep doing what you doing.

Well frankly I cant “Keep doing what I’m doing”. Its tearing me apart inside. I can’t spend another weekend like that again. I’m not angry, there is no pressure, and I’m not doing this out of spite. My love for here is fading and I need to protect myself.And try and preserve the love I have for her.

Its time for a solid Plan B

You know its funny. I think that plan a and plan b are all great. My W my be dating but when It comes to us reconciling I think it's no so much that she wants to be with someone else it's that she doesnt want to be with me. She doesnt want to take the risk of me hurting her again.

Oh well I'll just keep on keepin on.

OK, so what's it going to be, Plan A, Plan B or just floating along. It takes more than just the determination to be in a plan for it to work, it takes action.

What is your plan?

StillHereMakingit

I've thought long and hard over this one. Since I was originally the WS, as I said in my earlier post, I dont think its as much about OM than it is about wanting me back.I really cant see any benefit to plan b. It sounds good when I'm angry. But I need her to see the best of me as much as possible.

So I am back to plan A.