I read lots of here and would like to expose my case to looking for advice.

We met the end of 2003, got M on 3/2004, I experienced miscarriage 2004. At the end of March 2005, after looking for 3 months job, I got a call from a company, I was offered a good position in other city, H answered the phone and he was very angry that I discussed salary with them, he thought I should reject them immediately without any hesitation. Even I told him we did not reach an agreement after 2 hours later, he was still in bad mood for 2 week. I felt very sad and mentioned about separation (from my heart, I really did not want separation, just said it without thinking), he cried and said he could not live without me. We reunion again and had a very happy week and tried to have baby. At the same week, I got a job in the same city, he sent me flowers. As it takes me 2 hours on road (round way) every day from home to office, and his office is between house and my office, I suggested renting an AP between his office and mine, and we come back home (house)weekend, finance is not a problem. He disagreed with it and complained why other ladies can spend 2 hours on road every day, you can't not. The main reasons that my miscarriage happened last year, was I had to drive 2 hours on road that time and I felt very tired. So I want to rent an apartment near my office and come back home on weekend, he was very very angry and warning me it would be serious problem for us. But I still insisted on looking for an apartment. When he knew that, he asked to divorce immediately. After that, I said sorry to hime, and I would like to give up this job for keeping marriage. But he said he lost truth even if he was still love me, he rejected to work on M. In the next 10 days, he hired a lawyer, warning me to move out (he bought this house before married), otherwise he apply a court order to force me to move out, submit divorce paper (not separation), his old non-married sister started to live at our home and his divorced mom supported him to divorce......

I am totally confused whey a man can change so quickly? Is it so serious for looking for an apartment?

Both of us have not affair and this is our first M.

Pls give your advice how to make him calm down and how to save my M? Thanks.

Susan,

it is not apparent to me that infidelity is an issue in your marriage. The fulfillment of emotional needs is.

I would recommend that you read here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html

and particularily here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html

And you should also read the book "His needs, Her needs"

I'm not following all of your story but is this what I think...

You and your husband have known each other for about 18 months and have been married for 15 months.

Did you do any marriage counseling before you married? In my book, you married pretty quickly. How is your marriage partnership? Do you come from the same culture?

It sounds like you are in a high demand and demanding profession. Is you husband on an equal level professionally? Do you make a similar salary? How secure are both of your jobs? Do you have "family friendly" jobs?

Have you merged your money? Do you keep separate accounts? Do you talk about your spending habits? Do you have long term plans? Is there a feeling that it's HIS house not both of yours house?

Does your H have an equally long commute? From my Silicon Valley days, I know how draining a commute can be. Perhaps your H underestimates the stress of it, if he doesn't do it.

Has your H always been a mama's boy? Does he place his mom before you? Previously, did you have a good relationship with his family? Note, it took me probably 20 years to get into a good place with my Inlaws.

Do not underestimate the importance of your pregnancy and miscarriage. Your pregnancy came pretty quickly after your wedding. Was it planned? Did your H want a baby? How did he feel after the miscarriage? Did his family know about it? Have you both been actively trying for another baby?

A miscarriage is a much underrated and very traumatic experience. I had one and it was really a blow. Nobody really knows why they have a miscarriage and you shouldn't blame yourself. It happens. You are pregnant, excited about new life and then it's gone. Like your baby is stolen from you. I found that there is a secret sisterhood of women who've had miscarriages. It's some comfort. Have you properly mourned the experience? Did your H? Don't underestimate the effect it had.

I hope you can work things out. MB is the place to be.

Thanks for your response.

He spent 2 hours on road for almost 5 years before he changed his job, and he told my friend it was terrible, so I think he knows the stress of it.

I make an equal salary and we deposited all income in a community account after married. Both of us like kids very much and hope to have our kids as soon as possible. This house is his pre-marriage property.

Susan

bump it.

Pls give u advice here, thanks a lot.

Update here. His attorney sent settlement documents to me 2 weeks ago, so many mistakes, different separation date in different files, the respondent is another guy's name (maybe just copied and pasted, forgot modify), indicate parent planing even we don't have kids ..... I can't believe it ....

It is strange, he did not talk with me about properties division to see we can make a deal, strange ....

Post Extras:

susan, do you have your own attorney?

Yes, I have a legal advicer. Prepare drafts and provide legal advice.

What does your legal advisor say about the poorly written documents from your H's attorney? Are you protecting yourself?

My legal advisor does not say anything about the poorly written documents as he made some mistakes before, but I checked them and found them.

It looks like my H did not check these poorly documents from his attorney.