You got your list a little skewed there...allow me to tweak it a bit.

1) Protection of Chaster and child.(Police can make sure that he is removed from the home.)

2) Protect other kids from molestation. (Police involvement is paramount to helping the kids.)

3) Punish Husband. (When police are involved this is inevitable.)

4) Help Husband.

5) Others ?

That is how I would list it. We only seem to have the first and last one in the same pecking order.

He's an adult...that KNOWS what he has done is wrong and there is going to be consequences (punishment) for his actions before he can be helped.

The children in the porn are innocent in all this and they should be helped before he is.

adding...who do you expect is going to help these things on your *list* take effect?

JMHO
committed

Yes, that is what I am saying.

Let me tell you what it achieves long term.

It acheives the very real possibility of helping the police/FBI, whatever, in their investigations of the child pornography industry. Maybe, just maybe whatever is lurking in the depths of his hard drive could lead to those who are producing this material.

Getting the criminal justice system involved is appropriate because it is a criminal act. PERIOD.

Maybe his being investigated will have little affect on the idustry as a whole, but anything is better than nothing.

I wanted to add this - in my speech class last semester was a young girl who had a heart of gold for orphaned children of Honduras. Every speech somehow related. In the last speech, she spoke about the horrors of the sex trade in such countries. Even toddlers - their bodies being sold for sex so the family can eat. Besides helping the poverty stricken, what else can be done? According to her (which she backed up with facts and research), what can be done is making every effort to cripple the child porn industry in the US and CANADA. Because guess who the customers are? Mostly business men from the US and Canada, who are also the consumers of child pornography. It has been shown (according to her speech) that these men begin with child porn and end up flying to Honduras to pay for sex with 5 year olds. But those are the more wealthy, the less wealthy just stick to OUR kids...

What does that have to do with anything? Well, if we take NO EXCUSES for partaking in this criminal activity, then we don't enable child abuse.

THAT is the long term benefit.

There is a big picture here that goes far beyond Chaster's husband. And I tend to think that protecting other children comes before helping him.

It will be a loooonnnng road to him being healthy, so it doesn't seem right to wait until then to protect the innocents.

Anyway, the bottom line here is that it is CRIMINAL activity, and according to the LAW it should be reported. RIGHT AWAY. The law doesn't say it should be reported at some later date....

"He's an adult...that KNOWS what he has done is wrong and there is going to be consequences (punishment) for his actions before he can be helped."

Unfortunately, pedophiles (I call him that, because it is what he is), don't admit what they are doing is wrong. Usually they refuse treatment, blaming a child for "coming on to them".

I have experience with these guys, because we have one in our family. He is the nicest guy you would ever meet - if you can overlook the fact that he fantasizes about having sex with children, and in fact has had sex with my niece from the time she was 10 until she turned 18.

My sister-in-law is still married to him. He has convinced even her that is was all just a big mistake.

I have seen all kinds of porn on the internet, and I mean all kinds - everything you can think of. But I have never seen child porn - because it is illegal, and you have to spend a great deal of time searching for it, or know others who know where to find it.

This guy is at LEAST fantasizing about this stuff. Anyone who thinks any different, or thinks he can be reasoned with, doesn't know the nature of the beast.

Hello Committed,

I can agree with your order modifications, sure, yours are just as valid as my suggestions, however if you believe the justice system (police) actually achieve any of those goals long term (except punishment) you're mistaken. Talk to the prison guards - by the time the criminal is in prison, it's too late - help must come before individuals reach that stage.

I don't want to get lost in semantics here or perceptions of what the justice system does vs. what it should do. My main point/question is what is the harm in controlled, professionally assisted, intervention/confrontation BEFORE contacting the police?

Regards,

AbraKaPokus

PS. Whom did I expect is going to help with the goals on my list? Ideally the husband can be helped and they would address them as a family with outside professional help. Alternatively or if Caster and professional help feel things should be escalated to the police (based on ALL the facts), things could end up as you outline.

You may be correct, but what does it hurt to find out?

AbraKaPokus

Abra, not sure if you are talking to me (?) but basically police involvement is sort of a moot point. We all agree that SOMEONE needs to be called but it can be rather unavoidable to leave the police entirely out of it once that's done. She could always consult an attorney re the possesion and the culpability of knowledge issue, the attorney must honor attorney /client privledge. (don't know how that would help her or him deal with the child porn though.)

Possession of child porn is a felony and unfortunately, the recidivism rate for adults sexually interested in children is low regardless whether they are jailed or not. (Read that one during my research this morning, don't ask me where I saw it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />) It's a criminal issue either way and the potential for police involvement should not be a stumbling block for Chasten to move to protect herself and her baby, whether it be from legal consequenses or potential harm.

Lemon, my perspective is somewhat colored by real life....recent case was an alleged child molester married to child bride, wife accuses him in the DV action of sadism and forced bondage among other things. He claimed she was a willing participant. The man has since been convicted of the child molestation charges and yes, child porn was involved. The BDSM would not ever have been an issue for this woman probably but for the molestation of their child. Hopefully, this is a different situation.

Hi again Faith,

I'm not saying hide the material and stash it away. Presuming he is potentially helpable, boundaries and guidelines would have to be setup and strictly adhered to. He would have to reveal his sources, and they could be turned over to the police. He is a viewer of child porn - as horrible as that is, he is not the king pin making and distributing it.

Also, there are recent studies on sex offenders that indicate (in some cases) that the availability of pornography actually REDUCES sexual urges. This is a hugely controversial topic and the study was not looking at child porn (and I don't have any sources available here to site) so, while interesting, it's not applicable here.

As a father of 2 I'm agreeing with everything you say about how horrible child abuse of any type is, but we are outsiders looking in. The decision of what to do and how to best help all involved should be made by someone with access to all the facts.

AbraKaPokus

Chasterwebb,

Your situation seems to have sparked quite a debate.

I hope that all the debating and varying opinions here are not overwhelming and confusing you at a time that you may be in shock.

I would like to address your original issue. First off, please realize that the opinions of people here are just that...opinions. I realize that you have a very REAL situation here, and I would like to share some of my personal experience with you in hopes that it can offer you something.

When my daughter was 14, she came to me and told me that her stepfather had been molesting her for two years. I realize that your situation differs, but hopefully you can see the parallels and gain something from the way I handled the situation.

It was almost impossible (for me, maybe not for others) to think rationally (or THINK at all) when I was literally in shock. I simply reacted...which very well may be what most people do when they are in a state of shock. You may be experiencing some of this. At least you have the clarity of mind to seek advice before reacting. I didn't.

The first thing I could think of was that I HAD to confront him about this. I couldn't pretend that I hadn't heard what I had just heard. My second thought was to get my two children out of the house before this confrontation took place.

It was so weird...he and I had just returned home from dinner and a movie. He went in to the living room when we arrived home and I went to my bedroom. My daughter came in and sat on the bed and told me. I immediately told her to go upstairs and pack enough for one night and for school the next day and instructed her to tell her younger brother to do the same.

I called my mother and told her that I had an emergency and could the kids come spend the night with her and I would pick them up first thing in the morning to take them to school. The kids and I were out of the house within 10 minutes. I took them to my parents house and briefly told my mother the situation. She was stunned, as well.

I went back home. He was pulling out of the neighborhood as I was pulling in (to go look for me) and we rolled our windows down. He asked me what in the heck was going on. I told him we would talk at home.

When we got home, I confronted him with the information I had been given.

I don't recall who in this thread said that they would lie - but they were correct. I think that is probably quite common. He lied. He was very convincing. I didn't really know what to think (still in shock).

What I DID know was that, marriage vows or no, my children's safety was the priority. If there was even a question that this was a possibility or an accusation, it was not worth risking my children's safety. He and my children could not live in the same house until the matter was resolved. The next morning he packed his things.

I went to my parents to pick up my children. I took my son to school and decided to keep my daughter home. My mother told me that I had to call the police. I am glad that I had someone who was logical and not in such a state of shock to offer me some clarity. I was operating on auto-pilot and in no frame of mind to make rational and thoughtful decisions.

I called the police.

So I guess, as far as this debate has gone with varying opinions ranging from call the police to confront your husband. Those are not your only two options. I chose both. I did inform my husband that I called the police. I assured him that if he was telling the truth - then he had nothing to worry about. But it was a legal matter. My husband was an adult and he was capable of protecting himself. I did my part in confronting him and giving him the opportunity to offer his side of the story. My daughter was a child. She had no one to protect her, besides myself. That was my primary obligation.

In hindsight, I'm grateful that my mother gave me the advice that she did and that I followed it. I don't know what the laws in your state are, but in my state...if I had allowed my child to remain in the same home with my husband, knowing there had been an accusation...I could have lost my children. I didn't know that at the time.

My husband lied, of course. If you confront him with the expectation that you will get to the truth...don't expect that. Regardless of what he says, you won't know if he is lying or not. My husband was so convincing he said he was even willing to take a lie detector test.

Someone once told me that if you have a problem and are looking for a solution, there are always at LEAST three options.

Based on my experience, it would be wise for you to figure out exactly what choices you do have. If you can't think of at least three, seek outside EXPERT opinions. There are many resources for this type of thing. I did some research for you and found the following site to hold the most information. They do have a hotline.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

They can inform you of consequences of the options you may choose and then you become faced with the very difficult decision of which path to follow. You've received many opinions here, but the fact is that YOU are the one who has to live with the consequences.

I know you are scared, and whatever you decide...please know that you have support here and above all, your child's best interests are the most important. I am not saying that that is something that has already taken place, but it's certainly not worth the risk until you get things sorted out.

My prayers are with you,

Froz

Chaster,

I hope you have done the right thing by now. Listen to Froz. She's been there...for her children. Please protect that beautiful child. You are HER MOTHER. Let the mother bear in you protect that child above all else. Pleeease don't be one of those mothers that visits the ultimate betrayal on a child by siding with someone who may potentially harm her in one of the worst ways, if he hasn't already. Your job is to minimize all risk to your daughter. Until you know who you are living with, you need to get yourself and her OUT of the house.

I pray you and your daughter will be safe.

Natalie

I personally know two women who had to turn their husbands in for either child porn or child molestation. One went to prison. The other did a plea agreement. The one who went to prison was very remorseful in prison, but once out, his behavior continued to decline and reconciliation with his family was out of the question once his lack of remorse and his beligerence at getting turned in became clearly apparent. The other continues to regret his behavior and works hard to make it up to his family, especially his wife who has stuck by him.

That's the tell-tale situation - the one who got the plea agreement turned himself in, went through Sex Addiction treatment and child porn treatment; worked hard to provide for two households, and endured limited and supervised visitation from a neutral 3rd party to protect his wife from any emotional manipulation - and this man gladly submitted to everything to put things right.

The other man got caught; was reported to a minister, then CPS, then put through trial, at which point he pled guilty in hopes of getting a reduced sentence - which happened. But then failed to cooperate with the transition part of the sentence.

If you want more details, flag me down.

I get so tired of reading posts that create ambiguity where child porn (or even adult porn) lines are in marriage, with the law, etc.

The fact of the matter is, Chaster will lose custody of her child if she doesn't report this now that she knows, especially if she chooses to stay with this man in an unreported state. If it's out in the open, he can be like the man who got the plea agreement and worked his recovery hard. He has the power to recover the marriage, but not under conditions of concealment.

BTW, my friend who's husband worked to save the marriage; at this point, he cannot even look at a smidgen of adult porn under the treatment he's in, let alone be with a child alone - they take ALL sexual deviance as feeding the beast, so to speak.

(((ChasterWebb)))

Please know that you are in our thoughts and our prayers. Please let us know how you are doing..... It's obvious from the replies that this is a deep and serious issue where opinions are running rampid. But please stick around and let's talk this thing out to come up with what is in you and your child's best interest while ensuring that others are protected.....

I was on a jury of a case that involved attempted sexual assault with a minor (attempted because it was actually a police officer posing as a minor) and child pornography. They attempted the "It was just email he hadn't looked at saved to a diskette" defense...first of all, no one saves unlooked at email to a diskette. Second of all it was also in the mozilla download area on the hard drive, and thirdly the last viewed date was different than the created date so it definitely had been viewed.
The person that did this was a police officer. He had been married before, was engaged to a lovely woman, but still was trying to meet underage girls and was viewing child porn. No one thought he was capable. But he was.

Childporn is contraband, that is, the mere possession of it is a crime. Go to a lawyer and talk to them about what you should do.

Chasterwebb,

How did the discussion with your H go last night? Please give us an update.

SD

[color:"red"] very interesting

thanks for sharing your experience [/color]

Chaster, I saw your post on Just Found Out and saw you were advised to come here. I wanted to see what advice you got. Boy! A lot!

Your situation certainly sparked a debate. My opinion isn't really relevant at this time. I just want to know how you are and what (if anything) you did.

I noticed your last post was yesterday around 1:30pm. The debate continued long after you checked out. Please let us know how you are doing. I'm so concerned about you.
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^bump^

Anyone heard anything more on this?

Bump^

Chaster, please update if you can....

Chaster,

in spite of all the debating and rhetoric, everyone of us are sincerely concerned about you and your child. I hope all is as well as can be. Please update us on how you are doing?

Chaster?! Hello! Where are you?! I hope you didn't get offended by the post and leave us. Some of the advice was harsh and scary for you. But this really is a safe place.

I am so worried about you. Please don't invite us into your life and this situation and not update us. Just let us know what happened. No comments from me (I promise). I just want to know if you are OK?
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