He is the boss! She has such low self esteem I chased her into his net. He is a piece of garbage and his wife seems to WANT to believe he was just being a supportive friend. She made him fire her since he never revealed the 'support' he was giving her. I think she knows but she is not an ally.

I am alone here and look like a paranoid nut.

So now that I am isolated (temporarily)-- she ran up to Maine and left me with kids, I wonder what can I do to rebuild myself? My Life? My confidence? here are some areas:

My Kids - how do i reach out to each of them? particulalry my daughters who are older and I don't have recreational stuff to do with?

Recreational - how do I get into hobbies, many of them remind me of past efforts. Even golf, now as she was taking it up again because of the OM..ughhh

Spiritual - how can I truely heal my spirit,

Mental - get onto healthy thoughts and feelings

Physical - regain the weight that plummeted.


I am not sure how many LoveBusters I am still doing but I am trying to avoid them at all costs. Problem is anything even hinting at control is a lovebuster to her!

How old are your daughters?

If they are teens, movies are good. So is shopping. Just take them to a 'Fashion Bug', 'Old Navy Outlet', 'Gap Outlet', 'Marshall's', 'T.J. Maxx', and let them cruise/shop the stores. You will spend some money, but IMHO it is money well spent.Then, take them out to eat afterwards.

Spiritually speaking, do you have a church/synagogue? Go next weekend. Shop around.

Mentally apeaking, do not spend tooo much time here. It can get a little depressing. Get out of the house. Consider going back to school for an advanced degree. Volunteer. Visit friends.

Physically speaking. Cook for the kids and yourself! Most newspapers have recipes on Wednesdays. There are also a lot of cooking sites on the Internet.

Good luck!

Thanks, these are great suggestions i will try right away!

We had a huge blowup today. My anger got the best of me and I argued with her as she snuck into my belongings and went thru papers and financial items. She was really looking for the tape and underwear I bet since they flag her affair.

I am so disappointed in myself and it seems we will never get back together as the pain, anger and hurt is only getting worse as the fog thickens.

Working...You need to learn the principles taught here and calm down. You're 100% correct that "your anger will get the best of you" As someone who HAD severe anger issues I know exactly what you're doing. You need Plan A...and it doesn't appear that you have done that. Do it!! there are plenty of folks here willing to help but you must help yourself. You have decisions to make..Make them...

W,

How horrible that you have to deal with this. None of us imagine during our courtship, on our wedding day that we will, one day in the future, be holding items like incriminating tapes/emails. susect underwear, etc.!!

That having been said, Send Me is right. You have to pull yourself together.

You have kids. Parent them. You have yourself. Take caare of you.

Plan A. Reverse Babble. You think your WW was giong through your things to find the tape/underwear? She probably was. Any WS would. Try to destroy the evidence. It's in a safe place, I hope.

So, breathe. Time really is on your side.

This is awful, horrible, the worst pain. We all know. But, letting her suck you into fights does not help either of you. She is trying to provoke you to justify her bad behavior. Imagine how good the OM looks after you fight with her.

Face her behavior with calm. Think James Bond.

You are in my prayers.

Her resentment and blame is tough on me.. it makes me defensive. I guess i still have a lot of work on me to stop defending. I know I have my anxiety and blame patterns that have hurt others and i wish she would recognize her own. My two big fears are we are damaged beyond repair and that she is dragging my kids into her chaos.

OK she put a restraining order on me. Imagine that..what a farce. Seems the legal system needs no justification for me to be kicked out. What now?

Now you have to calm down. Restraining orders happen all of the time. It makes it more convenient for her to carry on her affair.

Do you have a place to live?

yes my sisters. Uggh

Okay, at least you are not out on the street.

How old are your kids?

Do you have enough money to support 2 households?

Kids are 9, 16, 19 and 20. No we cannot support two households but now I will have to!

Has there been any history of violence by you?

No. My daughter (20yr old) was there for this episode and knows there is no violence or threat. But i can't fight this. There is no recourse here in Mass.

I'm just asking. I know exactly how these things go. Briefly - I went to court to keep WH out of the house. I asked for a restraining order. The judge told me that I couldn't get one unless there was violence, or the threat of violence. Then he asked me if I wanted to redo the paperwork (and change my story). I couldn't believe it.

But anyway, you must calm down. Your wife is going to have a very difficult time carrying on an affair with 4 kids there. Also your kids are apt to be fairly angery with her.

Are you able to have visitation with them?

No visitation, they are on the order! She is a peach. She used the threat of violence but of course non existed and like I said my daughter was present.

Okay, so she got you on this battle. You need to be prepared to win the war.

Has she filed for divorce?

yes she started some paperwork with her lawyer not sure how much.

Okay, as it stands, you are out of your house. Your wife is living there with your kids. You cannot contact your kids or your wife. She is fired from her job because of an affair with her boss (that would be a good law suite, but of course she won't agree to that). And the divorce papers are on the way.

I think I would contact the OM's wife and let her know about the emails. Let her know that your wife has gotten an undeserved restraining order, and that you think it may be so that the affair can continue.

It sounds like OM wants to continue being married. It is very doubtful that he would leave his wife, and be with your wife. But more exposure may scare him off completely. That is very important, because as long as your wife thinks she may have a future with him, she is not going to be to interested in repairing the marriage.