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I already exposed to her. She seems to believe him that he is just a supportive shoulder for her divorce, though she had concerns. I suspect he is working on her to let her back into work and he will be more forthcoming with any discussions he has with my wife. I am not sure, but i did call and leave her a VM stating he is still in contact with her as I have a hotel reciept that shows a call to his cell. Not sure if she knows this or not.
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Workin,
This is escalating so fast....I think you need to contact Steve Harley for coaching. He will be able to tell you exactly what you should and should not be doing.
His insight is incredible - he'll get you on the right track for your situation.
Check out the coachin/counseling link on this website and give them a call.
"The actions you speak are louder than your words!"
Author unknown
"Miracles are seen in light."
From "A Course In Miracles".
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I tried and they said Steve was too busy.
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Surely that's not all they said? How about Jennifer Chalmers, his sister who is also an MB coach?
"The actions you speak are louder than your words!"
Author unknown
"Miracles are seen in light."
From "A Course In Miracles".
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Send the emails to his wife. Let her know that you are out of the house now.
In the meantime, we have to work on getting you much stronger. Have you read any of mortarman's posts to Gramn?
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They said others are available...
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yes i have read a lot of Mortarmans suggestions they helped me get this far LOL
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Okay, keep reading them, and absorbing them. Your situation is moving at rapid speed. I know it seems very hopeless. But I have seen a lot of situations turn around quickly too.
One thing, you can bet that your wife is not living in a bed of roses. It can't be easy for her.
How was your relationship with her before all of this happened? What did she complain about? How was your relationship with your kids? Are the oldest two working, or going to school? Can you write to your kids?
Unfortunately, you have been put in a kind of Plan B - not by your own choosing. Be sure not to violate the restraining order.
Your best bet is to work on you right now. Get out and exercise. Do some things for yourself. Go out with friends. Get some spiritual support. If you can't eat or sleep, talk to your doctor about some anti-D's.
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Anyone prep me on what the Restraining order hearing will be like and how I can get back into my house and see my kids?
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Nobody here knows how to best respond to this restraining order?
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Well I beat the restraining order but still can't go home per judges orders. You know the system stinks. I am really disapointed in everyone - my wife for filing false allegations, her attorney for supporting that thejudge for allowing the madness to continue and my kids for not really stepping up and telling their mother she is crazy!
I guess that's life.
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Ok so she has come back! But will not admit an affair because she claims she filed for separation and thus it was not an affair! Throws a couple of dates I had in my face.. how can we move forward if she refuses to accept responsibility?
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Text book cheating wife response: But will not admit an affair because she claims she filed for separation and thus it was not an affair! When my STBX gave me those kinds of answers, and I've heard every one that has been posted here on MB (Do cheating wives have a manual? they seem to all act the same) I would usally ask her, in a descriptive narrative way, if I did what she did ... would I be cheating? Her answer, after a lengthy silence would usually be, "I don't know" Chin up WorkinOnMe
Last edited by Tom Joad; 01/04/06 05:14 PM.
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I walk the recovery path too, ... but I walk alone.
HOW 'BOUT THEM STEELERS!
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I've finally realized now, that you just have to keep breathing. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring. Tom Hanks (Castaway, 2000)
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Why would you accept her back if she's not meeting your criteria for coming home?
Has she agreed to NC with this guy? MC? Complete honesty?
If she's not admitting to having had an affair, based on what I read at the beginning of your story, I think you're putting yourself at serious risk by just believing her story and blithely accepting her back.
Why not tell her point blank that YOU won't take her back unless she's competely honest and up front with you...you KNOW what's gone on, so lying about it now will just keep the two of you apart? Tell her that you won't accept her back under anything less than a brand new relationship...based on what you've learned here.
My opinion, anyway.
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Thanks! Our counselor seems to want us to each focus on what we can do to make our marriage work but I struggle with that because the betrayal has not been admitted and addressed.. am I wrong?
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No. You are right.
But, the counselor has given you an opening. You must insist that your wife is both faithful and truthful. That's what she can "focus on".
I'm doubting the usefulness of this counselor.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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