Carnation, I would avoid any contact with him until you talk to Steve. Start working on your Plan B letter, a short and sweet one. If he persists in calling, tell him you have much to think about right now and would appreciate it if he wouldn't contact you for awhile.

I want to see what SH thinks about this situation, carnation. I am very worried about you and I just think you need a pro on the case.

Thanks again, Mel. Wouldn't be the first time someone has told me I need professional help !! lol

I seriously do not know if I can go 4 days without talking to him at all. Ok, it is not the actual talking to him but the worrying about what the hotel is going on in the meantime.

Would a good letter be about how much this has hurt me and such. Should I DEMAND that he come clean about everything ? Stop contact with OW ? That I can not live with this hurt and deceit anymore !

More help please. I am getting close. I kinda came onto this Plan B slowly but determined. Last night I did not want to take his calls and talk to him, same this morning. Then I told him on his third call - I was too upset and could not talk. I would get back with him later. He just said - ok, like he was not the least bit surprised that I had just said all that. And, no contact since.

Help some more please. I turned the corner but am stuck here on the beginning of the first curve.

(should I just continue to use this thread as *my* thread ? as not to confuse.

thanks so much - Car

Car, I only think you need professional help because this is a difficult situation. I told you what I think, I really think you should back off and take a breather. Don't talk to him until you have discussed this with Steve.

As far as knowing what is going on, you NEVER know what is going on because he only tells you enough crap to keep you happy and keep you quiet. Its not like you will be missing anything.

(((((carnation)))))

Yes, back off. Let nature take care of things from here on out.

There is nothing so precious or so fragile as your sanity. Protect this above all else.

carnation, did you know we are practically neighbors? I work in Tyler and live in Longview. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for all the help neighbor !!

There is no doubt in my mind that the OW is the one who I think it is and the one I exposed. And the one who had the nerve to report me to the police for harassment. (because she is probably scared of what I may do (nothing) because she is sleeping with my H) I have had alot on my plate for awhile now but a girlfriend tonight reminded me of something.

This I may have left out - and now I wish I had been able to tell this to the detective who so adamantly denied this affair. Remember when I told y'all about going out of state last month to get my WH when he had quit his job. On the way home we had a huge, huge fight about him having an A with this OW. He denied and denied.

When we got home after driving (me) all day and him drinking the whole time, he told me that he wanted the OW phone number, he was going to put a stop to this once and for all. In his state and so I knew he would be calling her, I also was listening on the other phone, I even dialed her number. He claimed he did not know it, why would he ?

The standard pre recorded message came on her answering machine or voice mail and he said in his druken state that he wanted to talk to OW and said a couple other slurred words and hung up. A little while later, he had me dial the number again, same thing but worse - he said he did not want to talk to that c*&^%^&*%r he wanted to talk to OW. Third time I call the number for him, by now he can hardly stand up, he tells the answering machine/OW his name and that he loves her and misses her !!! After hanging up I jump down his throat for saying that and he said he was *baiting* her. Of course she never called back.

And she wants to get ME on harassment. I wish I had remembered this so I could tell the detective. She had no problem with my husband, who she suposedly does not know calling her and harassing her, but me she does.

This really seals it in my head that he IS having an A and it is the person who tried to get me arrested yesterday. Frankly I am glad it is her, and frankly it really really disgusts me that he would do this to me. Lie, lie lie and practically turn me into the police. Disgusting.

Of course, not a peep from him all day. How can he possibly call me. He is assumming that I positively know and he can not face me !!! He has no idea who told me what and actually he is the one who spilled the beans with his attitude.

I must remain dark. I must. I am extremely upset about all of this, duh. But I did what I wanted to accomplish. I exposed and got my proof. Now I really don't care if I ended the A or not. OK, today I don't care. Tomorrow may be a different story.

Please don't leave me know. Keep the comments and advice coming. thank you

Carnation

^^^ Bump up for late nighters, please.

I know I must remain dark. And, I really do not think he is even going to try and call me. He can't, he figures that he is finally caught !!

Help some more, please.

Car

Hi Carnation,

First, although hard, it may be a good idea to calm down. A few questions for you.

Do you have a plan?
What is it?
When are you calling SH?
Do you believe in God?
If yes, are you praying to him now?

BTW, he will call you and he will have a story to tell you. The question is how do you plan to react?

Thanks for replying.

As for my plan, I am in Plan B, I guess. The main reason being that I just do not want to talk to him for awhile. Let him stew on all of this.

Yes, I do believe in God. Prayer is always tops on my list. In fact, I pray for many here who are in pain also.

I tried Steve's number twice yesterday. They have shorter hours in summer. I will try today again.

Please advise.

Car

carnation, just hang tight. You aren't really in Plan B yet, but just letting him stew and think about all this. This is very serious and I hope you don't break your silence and go back to pretending like everything is ok again. That is what has dragged this thing out so long, IMO.

Please keep calling SH and let him guide you through this.

Thanks for replying, Mel. I had finally gotten to sleep and the blasted puppy woke me up. grrrr

How much fog and/or love/lust must he be feeling for the OW to betray me involving police matters ? How does he feel about OW trying to press charges against me ?

I am pretty sure that being a huge conflict avoider that he is, he just can not face me thinking that I now know all about it. That I finally, finally have gotten my proof and he has been in fact lying as he so loudly denied. I hate to say this, but I do hope he is in pain.

I will remain dark. I will remain dark.

thanks - Car

More of you seem to be responding to this thread than my Plan B thread so I will post here too. Let me know which is right - gee, could I come across as more submissive ?? hmmm... there may lie the problem. lol

First, I have appt. with Steve H. Monday morning. yippeee I was actually having trouble with the questionaire. If anyone is familiar with it, I could use some help. thanks

I must stay dark. In the past, WH has always said, and his previous actions support this, that if we ever *broke up* there would be absolutely no contact. So is what I am doing in Plan B exactly what he wants ?? Is he too coward to even talk to me about this ?

Please continue to advise. I really need the tough hard love pounded in my head.

Thanks so much - car

One thing...when you write your PB letter, please let him know that he can put his cell in HIS name...otherwise you're cancelling it. There is no reason to "help" him be a cheater (cheater, pumpkin eater...can't help it, that's what goes thru my mind whenever I think the word "cheater").

Keep a copy of your PB letter for your records. It will establish that you weren't sneaky or underhanded and YOU LET HIM KNOW EXACTLY what you'd be doing and what you expected from him.

Oh. And begin a log book of crappy things. Dunno how else to put it, but if you can time/date things that are said and done (like that night he called OW so many times drunk). Make sure you write down things he says or does to you (after the PB letter is sent).

And you're right...he's not contacting you because he's a coward that got caught. There's nothing worse for a coward to do than to look into the mirror of truth held by a person (or persons) they've done wrong.
- Kimmy

Carnation, I have no more advice for you, but I am STILL praying for you. Keep posting, and we'll keep talking you through this.

Thanks so much for the replies. Still no call from WH. The coward. I really do not want to talk to him, but of course, it would make me feel a little less deserted, but I'll be ok.

Do I write a Plan B letter ? If so, what would be some of the points I need to say, perhaps it is not necessary anyway as I really do not expect to hear from him. As odd as that sounds. He came into this marriage with very little, and he has left with very little. He really has all of his possessions on the truck with him. No real reason for him to even come *home*. whatever

(have I mentioned that I paid his tuition last year to go to truck driving school to get his cdl !!) surprise, surprise. This man has used me and I guess in my needyness I have let it happen.

Is the letter necessary ? How do I get it to him ?

Thanks so much. My grandkids just left. And it was such a nice visit. I felt freer to enjoy them - almost like a brick was taken off my shoulders. Does that make sense ? Sure I am hurting here, and po ed but enough is enough and I feel good about taking a stand.

Thanks for reading - Car

>almost like a brick was taken off my shoulders. Does that make sense ?

Hell ya. Till Wookie crowbared his head from his a$$, I felt like I couldn't even MENTION family without fear of disdain from him...like he had the RIGHT to be disdainful.

Go take a day trip to Austin or something. It's hard to be unhappy in Austin. I spent a good 4 years after exh there...there's plenty to do and see..and a lot of it is free!

Carnation,

I have been reading your thread and I'm sorry you are going through all this.

One thing that concerns me is that maybe you don't get that this detective is not going to help you, and that you shouldn't be giving him any information. I think this because in the quote above, you wish you'd told him more, rather than regretting giving him any information.

Even though he checks out with the PD as a real detective, there is something fishy about this. There is no basis for a detective to spend any time whatsoever on this phony harrassment complaint. A couple of phone calls do not constitute harrassment.

It really sounds like this detective is a friend of OW's family and just using his status as a police officer to scare you and to keep you off the trail so OW and your WH can continue their affair with impunity.

Anything you tell this detective, will certainly be relayed to OW and your WH.

This bit about the detective stating so confidently that there is no affair with OW is baloney. How does he know if there is or isn't one. The PD certainly isn't going to waste time and money sending a detective out to follow a married man around to verify whether he is or isn't having an affair.

If you really think the PD is investigating a genuine complaint from OW and family, don't call to ask this detective about it. Call some other higher up office to verify the facts.

ewon

Good observation Eyes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Car, as regards their supposed Police contact, well not only should you check out if he is an officer but check out their procedures. Call the station and relate the incident of what the officer said and did. They will know if one of their own is abusing his power.

Notice how this is even another attempt to promote the A? Give 'em enough rope and soon the A will hang itself.

L.

Good morning all. Thanks for the continued support. Still NO word from WH. I apparently got my point across to him in my little 30 second phone call. And, he is getting his point across to me loudly !!

I was online last night chatting with one of my best friend from out of state. She kept typing - where is my friend ?? who are you ? she could not believe the *new* me. Well,there is a new me. I did not have much choice in the matter. I had to take this action, attitude. Those cheaters made me like this !!

So, I am still hanging in here. pretty calm, thanks to my meds. insert smile. I have checked online cell phone records (duh) and far as I can tell, he has not made one phone call since I called him. He has probably gone way underground now. Could care less. I have not got one penny since he quit that last job last month. If I do not get a check this week - phone shut off for him. Which would free me up even more, not being able to check on him. time it all is going to take me some time.

Thanks again. Going to call Cingular and make sure he has not used phone. Puppy gone to good home, I could have given away 100 of them.

Carnation

Thanks to those following my story and helping me.

Well, I did call cingular. That backfired. I called wanting to know if there was any calls to or from my other cell, it was my daughter's. Of course, it is my WH not D.They said that they could not see any activity since Thurs. morning call. I said, are you sure ? He said, let me get back to you, just a minute.

Cingular called my WH !!! Oh great. Cing indentfied themselve,asked for me by my name and who was this ? My WH told him his name and said that they might try me at the house. End of call.

Oh great. He probably thinks that I am in process of cutting off the phone ! That I am evil and causing trouble. Which I am not. At the very least he thinks I am checking up on his whereabouts.

I will not call him and I doubt if he will call me. I think I have made it *easy* for him to just stay away from me. Although he MUST be thinking of me.

Help please - Car