On this day 15th of July I married the man of my dreams, I would never guess it would end like this. Last year I was doing Plan B with no contact when suddenly four days later I receive divorce papers from a state thousands of miles away.

This anniversary was going to be special, we were planning to renew our vows in Las Vegas, we were talking about it since our 10th anniversary. Now we are divorced and he lives in Las Vegas with the OW, not the way I had pictured it.

Two years ago I started planning a scrapbook of our wedding day. I did make a scrapbook before, but they didn't have the scrapbooking supplies like they have today. I had to be creative by using bride magazines, the computer and party favors. So I thought I would surprise him with a new scrapbook of our memories. I started to buy the supplies when we were still living together. Some of my friends think I should go ahead with the scrapbook (just for me) because it might be good therapy. I don't know what to do, its hard to but the banner "Happily ever after" when the marriage is over. Then again it is an event in my life and one of the happiest days of my life.

I plan on pampering myself today, but as I look to the future, will this date ever become another day on the calendar. There is this woman at work who would have been married twenty years on June 12th, even though she has been divorce for ten years, and married to someone else, she told me every time that date comes around the memories pop back up.

I know I should not be doing this to myself, but I wonder if I'm going to cross his mind today. I already have been reminded of him this morning, I received a call from his High School Reunion Committee, trying to locate him. I'm thinking of emailing him the info but I will wait a couple of days, I don't want to email him on our 15th wedding anniversary.

I know I have to move on with my life now, and everyone tells me it takes about two years. I just don't know how you stop loving someone.

It will get better. ((Hug)) I love the pampering idea. Get a mani and a pedi and dinner and a chic flick with your girlfriends!!

I'm so sorry for your pain. I HATE these kind of days that remind me of my lost hopes and dreams. I HATE how powerless I feel that someone I cherished stepped out of my life with no say-so on my part. I know intellectually that it's all a part of the grieving process. But knowing it doesn't stop me from feeling it! And maybe feeling it is exactly what helps me heal....

I know that no one can take your pain away today. But please know that we at MBs care about you.

Hugs.

Personally, I'd skip the scrap book of the wedding and save it for something else.

How about using it to document all the fun or fulfilling things you do from Today to a year from today?

The trick will be making sure you do enough. We all have a tendency to get caught up in laundry, chores, etc. We need to make time for fun and fulfillment. Two different things often.

Go to book signings, throw a party, take a class. Do a home improvement project, celebrate something good you did at work. Anything and every thing.

Today is my 22nd anniversary. I bought myself a pair of gold earrings. I plan that on this date every year for the rest of my life to do something very special for myself. I see it as making up for the 22 years of misery and all the anniversaries that were either ignored (most of them), where I had to deal with his alcoholism, or he was out with then ow. I see it as a celebration of my freedom and that I survived.

I know he expected to hear from me today and called our daughter three times yesterday. He was asking how I was and about my health..translation..tell your mother to call me. He can't call me or he would get in trouble with the judge presiding over our divorce. I would rather drink from the toliet...

I too scrapbook and have gone through the dozens to eliminate him as much as possible. My picture is in none of them as he never thought me worthy of being photographed. It's amazing how much one will tolerate when options are not seen.

I agree start scrapbooking your future.