Five years ago I married my husband.
This is both of our second marriages.
We both came into our marriage with
children and had one together.
After us living under the same roof,
my husband became verbally and emotionally
abusive.
That made me build up resentment towards
him. Then soon after, like a year later,
we ended up yelling and fighting.
Then things became physical. I documented
all the times he hurt me and what he
said to me.
I even took pictures of some bruises
he left on me from holding me down.
He was arrested last summer.
We went to counseling where he got
defensive so we stopped going. I gave
up.
During then, he gambled away $14,000
of our money.
Then he said he'd stop. A few weeks
ago I found out he started again.
I documented all the dates.
He promised again he'd stop cuz he would
lose me.
He lied to me so many times. I have
fallen out of love.
All the yelling and hurt and physical
abuse has stopped, but I feel I do
not really love him at all. Counseling
didnt help to the extent because he
gets too defensive.
He can be very jealous and possesive.
Then, after all that, there is someone
I am attracted to who feels the same.
Though we never spoke, our eyes tell
a story when we see each other each time.
I am afraid to leave my home and breaking
up our family. I know I am not in love
and can't truly trust my husband. And
I don't want to have an affair and hurt
him.
What I wish was that I could find a
way to not be with him, and only my
children, and then if it was meant
to be, to be with this other person
perhaps.
I have not been in love with my husband
in 5 years. I stay for the kids and our
home. For that security. The kids only
know a tiny bit of what happened.
The abuse usually happened when
no one was around.
Please pray for me. My heart and soul
wish to leave him but since I am a
stay at home mom for a little while longer,
I am nervous about doing anything.
