Thats a good plan Hurting. He can't get off easy there.


Yes it is so sad, but she is doing the right thing. I've had to do it myself a few times in the way past. It hurts a lot. I pray I don't ever have to do it again.

May God comfort you, Kim, and the children.

Love, Lady

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Congrats on the job!!!
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Way to go on the job !! I knew you would get it. Things are starting to turn around for you. Take it one day at a time. You are going to be just fine !!

Congratulations again !!

Best regards - carnation

This is fantastic news about the job, Hurting.

Well done, girl!

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Alph.

Congratulations on your job!!!!! WAY TO GO!!

I was reading through some more of your posts & see that you have gone through withdrawal. I bet that has been a really tough thing to deal with.



Amen to that. You hate to wish this kind of pain to anyone, but I have to agree with you on that one.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
Moving into Plan B. WH is clueless, fogged out and lost to the alien world.

Kim,

It is a hard thing to do and actually I am still going through it to some extent. I don't know how long it will be before it stops. I sure hope its soon. I still miss him everyday and do have my moments of crying for what is gone.
But all in all I do pretty good.

I think if I had not broken planb I would be done with the withdrawl stage. It was so hard for me to stay dark when he was standing outside the door begging me to to talk to him, and I broke. But my resolve is to not break it again, I can't because the pain is unbearable when he leaves again.
So please don't break planb for your own sake....

Congratulations, Hurting!

I am so happy for you. I think this is a major turning point for you.

I am rooting for you.

P.S. I hear you about 'breaking PLAN B'.

I had to 'tighten up' my PLAN B. I don't have family here and I didn't want to burden friends with the intermediary role between WH and myself, so I thought I could handle 'quick factual calls' re boys, finances, etc. We have two boys who do one week each. Too hard. I asked WH to leave messages and I would get back to him about them. It's much much better.

I read you and it's me: the pain, missing H, 20+ years of marriage, etc. etc. He chose not to live with OW (hoping to keep fantasyland going longer!), but he sure wasn't expecting not to speak to me. He thought he had that under control seeing that we have two boys to raise (DS9 and DS15).

Definitely getting a job for you is a turn for the better. You will get out of the house, meet other people, and get control of $$, just to name a few, and hopefully it will help your WH "wake up".

Take care.

Luna,

I know its a hard thing to do. And for you having to deal with your DS'S with no intermedairy makes it even harder.

I hoping that this job will help me to move on and do things better. I also am hoping this will help wake WH up. I still feel I am in for a long haul. I don't see it happening soon for sure.

Luna we will make it all of us. Just keep praying and do what you have to.

I just wanted to say that I'm happy you got a job! That is so excellent for you. Woohoo - bells and whistles and all of that other good stuff.

It'll help you get out of the lull you've been in and will help you catch up on some bills. Yeah!!!

Way to Go!

Thank everyone for the congrats on the job. I know it will help me out in so many ways.

I sure wish I was getting congrats on getting WH home. Maybe someday I will... He is still trying to be a cake-eater to the max though.... He calld DD cell last night and wanted to talk to me..... To bad I was talking to my mom on the phone....

This is so hard ....

I am feeling a little down today. This is just so hard. I wanted to talk to him so bad last night when he called. DD said he sounded upset when I wouldn't talk to him. Just to know he was on the phone was hard.

I don't know if I am going to be able to do this without breaking again. I know if I do it will throw things way back and I don't want to that....

I just wish he would come to his senses..... This is really killing me here. I do know that soemtime this weekend he will be trying to give me money. I was just wondering if he does come by should I hand him another planb letter? Or should I tell DD to have him leave the moeny with her? I am not real comfortable with that idea but I will do it if I have to.

Stay strong and stick strictly with Plan B.

I'm like most here, begged, pleaded, let's work on this together, blah, blah, blah. You know the routine because you've done it.

I got varying degrees of response from my FWH, but it wasn't until I went completely dark that did it make a difference and the fog began to lift.

Of course, there were set backs etc. Like I said in prior posts - - it's NOT EASY after he comes home.

Sometimes it just plumb amazes me that we (BS) put up with so much and endure so much pain etc. etc. to save our relationships.

I'll repeat again. Take care of yourself first and other things will fall into place. Don't lay around on the couch pining for your WH, get out and get going. He neeeds to realize you're not going to continue to hold the door open forever. And . . . . no that doesn't mean going out and starting a relationship with someone else. It means starting a relationship and maintaining a relationship with yourself.

I thought SIL was the go between for you and WH when it came to issues that have to be handled such as money. DON'T put DD in the middle.

SIL now does not want anything to do with WH. She is so disgusted with all the lies and deceit she is done with him. I just don't know what else to do...

No one in his family wants to talk to him... Give me some ideas then how to handle this .....

Where does he get his mail? Send him a note and tell him how much you need and have him send it via money order or check through the mail. That would only take a day, maybe two if mailed from the same city.

His mail still comes here. Not that he picks it up as most of it is bills in both our names which I pay.

I am not sure where his pay is going until direct deposit kicks in. I do know when he applied for the job he used our adrress and phone number. As I was with him when he applied. But he could have changed all of that when he started. He may be using her address for all I know. I do know she has a po box but I don't know it.... So I guess it will be one of those wait and see things for now....

Well today will be my first day to go to work. I admit I am somewhat nervous about it. It's been such a long time since having to go to work. Plus I have my IC today an hour before I have to be at work. Not sure how that is going to go.

The weather here has turned cool feels like fall has finally arrived. Makes me sad the days getting shorter and the nights getting longer. Makes everything in life seem so depressing.

Nothing on the WH front for now. Oh how I miss my H. I wonder does he miss me????

Was at my SIL's last night with the whole family and was talking about the holidays. SIL is having Thanksgiving at her home and she is not inviting WH at all. She said he can spend it with his GF..... So sad it has come to this, his own family does not want him around for the holidays. I guess he will have to live and learn. Christmas will be at my MIL and WH will not be included for that either. Wonder how he will feel?

Anyhow I am feeling a little sad about all of this but I understand why it has to be done this way. It's the best for all of us.

Good Morning,

I feel sad for all of you too. It is good that you have the family on your side in all of this, that will help you.
All WW's have to be accountable. If this is the way he has to be accountable, then so be it. Hurting does your H have faith or had faith in Jesus?

Love, Lady

Hurting:

I think you can feel confident that he misses you especially out there on the road.

I hate to say this but REALLY through this I have learned that Thanksgiving and Xmas are just like any other day. It's all a mind game....Tell yourself this..

You can make just as much out of today.....

Enjoy each new day to the fullest....

Plan something very special for those days, to make you and the family happy as you can be. Some ideas...plan to cook something very special... make something special for the table.... Make something special for MIL...

Love, Lady