I've missed Coach.

Did he decide to work on recovery or proceed with a DV?

Hope he's doing okay.

I kinda had the feeling that Coach was posting more fiction on Divorced/divorcing under Senator H. This guy can't be real. Noone could be that clueless.

As I said before, it really doesn't matter if the story was true or not. Coach lost his credibility and to a writer that's as if he lost his ability to breathe. If we do see him again, it won't be under the same name.

Jees, you guys are kinda harsh, aren't you? I haven't read any of these earlier posts of this Coach guy, and he's probably majorly messed up, but if there's even a chance that the guy isn't jerking your chain, wouldn't you want to jump in with some advice? As I've seen so far, many of us don't actually TAKE the advice, at least not for a while. Seems to me like there are many folks out there that don't care for me either, but I still post, in hopes that the few that do offer advice will be just what I need to get through this painful time.

imanotherone...wouldn't it be advisable for you to read the "earlier posts of this Coach guy" before you pass out criticisms and judgement of things that you aren't familiar?

People:

We killed coach off, effectively, by the way we treated him when he was last here.

Maybe he was legit. Maybe he was jerking our chains (I think he was legit).

But we chased him away a long time ago. Maybe we should let this go?

-ol' 2long

jph,
it was exactly BECAUSE I haven't read his posts that I felt the need to comment. I mean, what if the guy was a loose cannon, or insulting, or whatever, because he was really hurting. I know I've had moments that I'd never want captured on a web thread, but if they were...I'd hope that folks wouldn't just up and decide that I'm not worth the effort.
Also, I'm all for 2x4's when they're justified, but there's no reason to be hateful. WWJD?

For those who want to know, read coach3530's thread "Oh What A Tangeled Web."

Thanks, RAG for the link to Coach's earlier thread. All of this happened about a month before I came here. Guess what else I heard, just today from traffic counts on this website? THERE WERE A LOT MORE ACTIVE POSTERS IN THE MONTHS BEFORE I CAME. I can see by the sheer number of posts on Coach's site that he drove everyone crazy. I won't even guess whether he's genuine...but what I will say is this: if he's got FWS, WS, FBS, BS, OW, OM, and any other folks stumbling into this MB website due to his very articulate and infuriating thread...isn't it possible that the traffic he drove here might actually benefit by reading the great advice (whether the problem was real or fictional) offered to him and others from you veterans, like Orchid, Melody, Trix, Believer, 2long, Chris, JPH, and the many, many others of you who stay on this board for us "Newbies" who are still struggling for answers? I hope I'm not further castigated for this response.

I agree with 2long.

I found this thread more than upsetting, it was troubling to the core.

And for me it was not because of the question of whether Coach was "legit" or not but of the way I reacted and said such hurtful, horrible things. And I only realized this a while after the fact.

I am shamed beyond belief, not at Coach but at myself, and I very rarely post anymore except to a couple of old friends I have on here.

Why bring this thread up again, as 2long pointed out? What purpose does it serve.

Coach, if you are still reading, I appologize deeply for what I said and how I contributed in the hurtful behaviour.

He didn't drive the traffic here, he just captivated it with an outlandish unconfirmed story. If all or any part of his story was untrue or embellished, then I for one, feel cheated for having read it. I was at a critical time in my marriage and needed support and advice, not to be entertained. Even if completely true, his story distracted me from obtaining the true marriage builders principles I needed to locate and apply. Around D-Day every second counts and I wasted quite a few seconds on his thread.

From what I recall Coach said he'd be back to prove it. I am still waiting.

Mr. Wondering

Coach was a wise and articulate member who gave good advice. That was long before his wife had another A which caused him to post about his own problems and get advice himself.

I am sure he helped many here. Then it became like a lynch mob to drive him away.

Sounds like this is a painful subject for many. Sorry if my comments infuriated anyone. I, for one, am a big believer in the "extinction" practice. We use it on children when they use swear words, etc. I plan to ignore any more posts on this thread, in hopes that it will go away. I know that others will keep it alive, but most of you will not participate. Not sure who brought it back, but probably best for all there to let it go. Let's get back to the business of saving marriages, including my own.

BTW, I'm crusing other threads tonight since WH is out of town, so I'm stumbling into many other people's lives. Hope my opinions are taken at face value.

You know....way back when....when my exH and I were both posting on here to recover our M....

Coach was paramount in dissecting our situation. He was RIGHT on target with saying we needed to both get counseling, and learn to communicate better. I really appreciated that.

I don't really know what happened on his thread. I read it a few times, but for some reason, the accusations didn't really 'take'. So I don't know what the actual situation is. But I DO know that I appreciated his perspective and his advice on my exH's and my threads.

Thank you, Coach.

Wow. It is times like right now that I am ashamed of this community as a whole. What a bunch of selfish, "my pain is worse than yours" hypocrites you are. Sure, there are planty of level-headed fine posters around here, but the community ran coach off on no proof or anything. It was plain meanness, mob mentality and sport.

Some group of folks thought it was funny to private eye coach via the internet... and the person that paid the price was coach.

What a fine bunch of supportive a$$es this community was for a BS, indeed.


unconfirmed? Outlandish? How exactly are you qualified to make the determination of what is and what isn't real? The short answer is you aren't. I would be more than happy to discuss the finer points of validating truth across the internet if you wish because, lucky for me, given the amount of access on this site to other people's locations, true lives and so on, you can't. He!!, for all you know froz and patriot are just me, and I am one bored person in the world that finds comfort in making all my story up.


why? because he came in here and preached anti-MB ideas??


I didn't find his story entertaining. It was disturbing. Just like everyone's story on here.


so... by reading coach's thread, you were completely unable to click any links to MB principles and information that can be found all over the place here??


then it is your responsibility to determine you think his story and advice is not helping you and move on. That is pretty much the theory behind a free access forum.



prove it? because he is required to satisfy your burden of proof? What a load of crap.

Sir, we all have problems here. None of them attributable to coach's story. HE didn't cheat on you. He told his story. And now, due to his 'warm' send off, he doesn't post anymore. He gave lots of people really good advice. Some folks sang his praises.

Now he is a ghost and no one has heard from him. He might have been in real, horrid, emotional pain. And the community further destroyed him.

Not an uncommon theme around here, unfortunately.

What a farce. Coach.... if you happen to read this. Wow, I am sorry for the ridicule you had to deal with. I hope you have found a better place for yourself. And a calmer situation in your life.

Based on your post here, we know that you aren't one of them!



Ok, that might not be a bad assumption based on your recent "hypothetical question" thread...




When you were brand new here, did you have any idea what you were looking for? When people first get to this site, they stumble around like they are blind, looking for ANY guidance that they can. New BSes have high hopes of finding ANYTHING that might help them, but they have NO idea of what that is...They feel like they are losing their minds and their entire world at the same time!!! You really need to think about this, and put yourself in the shoes of the newbies...


Oh yeah, and a newly BS knows exactly what it is that will help them...right...Why don't you come down off of your self-righteous soap box and practice the "empathy" that you seem to be trying to preach!



You have certainly satisfied my burden of proof when it comes to convicting yourself of acting like a really sarcastic jerk who enjoys name calling and taking cheap shots at people.

My husband was sincerely searching for answers at the time that Coach was posting...he didn't crucify him, he was only saying that because of all the praises that repeatedly got sung about coach on his thread that he, as a newbie, thought that perhaps he might find some valuable information there, so, OF COURSE, he felt cheated if any of coach's story was embellished or just plain made up! Just as no one has proof that coach was a "troll", you, "Sir", have no proof to the contrary!

AND speaking of hypocrites...attacking someone on this board for what you deem as his attacking someone who isn't even on this board any longer...HMMMM...Hello Kettle, this is Pot, you're black!


Here's the only thing that you got halfway right, not about my H's post, but about your very own!

However, I've said it before, and I'll say it again...THANK GOD FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH, IT LETS US KNOW WHO AND WHERE THE IDIOTS ARE!!!


Look, Patriot, It is unlike me to post anything this mean spirited, but I really feel that that was the intention of your post towards my H...I'm not looking to make an enemy of you, however, how would you react if someone said the things to Froz that you did to my H? My husband expressed his opinion on this thread, and I would have no problem with you having a differing opinion, but the name calling and condesending tone, really put me over the edge...

I truly would rather us say our sorries, and call a truce, but I will leave the ball in your court...

Mrs. Wondering

Wow, even w/o Coach thngs get heated up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Look y'all, Coach knows enough to know how to survive. While events did seem outlandish, aren't they usually? I mean who of us thought we'd be caught up in a bad soap opera!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I wouldn't wish this on anyone but look at how much it happens. Embellish?!??!? Reality is worse than the best script, unfortunately. Horror drama should have it's own category.

Ok, for those of you who believe Coach was railroaded, he wasn't. He is welcomed back and maybe some will have questions or not. The choice is his.

Coach's story is one of many here. Not the first nor the last. It is sad but true. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Up for a suggestion? Let's help some of the newer ones get a plan. Many come here and want an instant cure. NO can do! Instead, let's direct them to sources that can really help. Facing reality is good medicine. Keeping focused is mandatory. Wasting time trying to win back a WS is futile and takes waaay to much energy. Instead we need to help the BS' find their real spouses. If they can't see 'em right now, then work on themselves so that when their real spouses are sighted, the BS w/b ready and able to help them escape from the clutches of the WS beings.

JMHO,
L.

Personally,

I'm very sorry Coach was treated so badly. I was amazed at how quickly people "packed-up" against him.

What I REALLY want to know, but probably never will is "Who was Cameo33". Who showed up to "out coach" supposedly, then disappeared.

Someone who knew some personal details and knew where to find coach.

My wish is that we would practice MB principles with each other...call it "practicing for real life", so that all feel treated with respect, and maybe next time we will have learned this lesson.

Mrs. Wondering,

I don't believe your attack is warranted. I don't see anywhere in Patriot's thread where he singled anyone out. He simply stated that he was ashamed that a forum designed for support of people, most in great pain, would gang up on, attack, and accuse one of its own members. When that member came back and posted that he was telling the truth...he was then asked to prove it.

Why WOULD he want to? Some support group! Who are any of us to judge him? He didn't even have to offer an explanation, but he did. Yet, some here continued to crucify him anyway.

The only name-calling I see that Patriot called anyone was "hypocrite". Again, no one person was singled out.

You, however, singled my husband out specifically, saying to him...



and









Those are some pretty strong judgments you make. Again, Patriot didn't single anyone out. I really do hope that you are correct when you say that it is out of character for you to be so mean-spirited, and I'm glad that you recognize your words as such.

I believe this is exactly the type of judgmental behavior that Patriot found so distasteful.

The witch hunt that drove Coach off this board was horrid behavior. Who were any of we to place him on such a high pedestal because he had some interesting advice to give? So, he should then be punished, doubted, and asked to prove anything to anyone here when he seemed to fall short of someone else's expectations??? That is no excuse to treat someone that way.

The personal attack you bestowed upon my husband is also no way to treat someone else. There is a large difference between Patriot saying he was disappointed in the group as a whole and you taking potshots at his character for expressing his view on the treatment Coach received.

Yours was not expressing a view. It was a character assassination. In the future I, for one, would really appreciate it if you would keep your hateful remarks to yourself.

Frozen...

Every single quote used in the post by your H is a quote from my H's earlier post, that's all I'll say for now...Mr. Wondering will deal with it as he sees fit...

Please find your H's post with ALL quotes from my H below...

Mrs. Wondering

I fail to see where coach was even a fraud, sure that icq thing was suspicious but that itself is easy to create.