Just wanted to say a genuine thank you to those of you who responded to my original post(Clarity from Contact With OM-Ready for 2 X 4's). "Clarity" from contacting OM...AS IF???!!! Wise are all of you...A complete 180 I have done...Okay, okay you guys were so right...so glad I posted here. Btw, any nomination to the "Idiot of the Month" Club will be understood. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What makes this board so effective, IMHO is that it really helps the fog to lift a bit faster...nothing like having a bunch of mirrors held in your face all at once...not always pretty, but eye opening none the less.

Each day of this process finds me realizing so many things about myself, my marriage, but most importantly about my H's feelings in all of this. WSes, or at least this one, tend to be quite self centered, my apologies for this. Part of my fog has definitely been seeing things only from my own perspective...

What a great Plan Aer my husband has been, focusing on my needs and never LBing...your posts have helped to create a dialogue for my he and I regarding his feelings, something he has never found that easy to share...thank you all for giving me what it took to offer him a safe outlet from which to begin opening up...

We had the most amazing yesterday(Thursday) that you can imagine, he didn't go into the office, and we spent all day talking openly, which led both of us to remember exactly how much we do belong to each other and why...priceless...I know we still have a long road ahead, but I can't think of anyone that I would rather travel with than him...

Again I offer my gratitude for the part you MBer's played in showing me the importance of thinking of him first...


Now, on to Pem...I am still waiting for an explanation of your posts to my thread...I am honestly confused, as I have read your very kind posts to others, and don't understand what I did to trigger what I felt were pretty unkind posts to me??? I am quite new here as you can see...Dday was 04-26-2005 for us...my husband and I are just trying to get a grasp on how to go on from here. To give you an idea, we are just finishing up SAA and are about to begin listening to HN/HN on CD...We are really green in this new territory, so any error in my posts are in earnest.

Your last post to me referenced my husband laughing about the affair on our Dday...PLEASE KNOW THE LAUGHTER THAT WE SHARED WAS MOST DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT THE A, the only reason I even mentioned it was to...

(a)show that we have always had and always will have a rapport that trancends understanding for most, and

(b) to illustrate that sometimes being as analytical and logical as he is, his reactions are different than those of most people that I know(he's like that about all things, not just this-his philosophy has always been, act, don't react).

Also, in further thinking about it, shock registers like that for some people I believe...I'm sorry if I've somehow misunderstood you and your intent, but I am just completely baffled by your responses and would love to have their meanings revealed???

Good morning Wonder....

Hot enough for you? ... dayum this summer weather is nasty!

anywho.... You are welcome for the blunt 2X4's .... apply ice and elevate any injured parts.

I donno about Pem ...Like you, I just couldn't figure out the actual "meaning" myself. Sorry amiga, I cannot interpret that language at all.

It's OK to let this drop, you know.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good luck on your road to recovery!

It's all good, WWW, and I knew you would get it. You have the right intentions and we know you are trying hard.

I, too, was puzzled at PEM's posts and would like to hear some clarification.

Good job, WWW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

your a recent wayward wife whom broke no contact to play head games w/om, hmmmmmmmmmmmm why would that trigger a bs.......beats me???????????????

yes the christian attitude is supposed to be that of non judgemental, pardon me, as i am not jesus christ and am not perfect. sorry for anything not politically correct. the tidal waves of affairs usually cause the worst to come out in us betrayed spouses for 2-5 years. get used to it.

your story stinks to high heaven for me. whether you are who you say you are or not, you will not have to worry about hearing from me again.

best wishes to your families recovery if that is truely what you are after here.

I have no idea what 2334pem is talking about, so you are not alone.

Don't worry about it. I agree, it is OK to let that go.



This is no justification for being nasty for 2-5 years. No one has to get used to that !

Susan

Knock it off, PEM2334. There is nothing politically incorrect about taking gratuitous cheap shots against a sincere person who is trying to right a wrong. And no, adultery does not "bring out the worst" in a BS for 2-5 years, so please don't use that as an excuse for shabby behavior.

melody, if you look, i believe you will find my appology in my last post and i was not implying it is ok for bad behavior when i said it takes 2-5 yrs to recover, what i meant was that triggers and reoccurring memories will hit a bs upside the head and cause feelings of intense anger for 2-5 yrs. as ww post did for me. and IF ww were my fwh's past ow, you best believe that nothing under the sun would prevent me from being "shabby" if i so choose, christian behavior or not.

no contact means no contact.

PEM, I did look and I don't see any apology there. All I see is shabby behavior and a poor excuse for acting out. Which you continue to do even though she has made it clear she was wrong in contacting the OM. Even so, there is no excuse for taking cheap shots at her.

Pep, Viv, Melody and Susan...

Thanks for the support and well wishes, they do mean a lot and are so appreciated at this time.

Pem,

I have thought and prayed about your situation, and I do understand your reaction. I have tried putting myself in your position, and though I have not walked a mile in your shoes, I can see how if what you thought to be true were true, that it would definitely be a very powerful and painful trigger.

I can assure you that I am not your H's OW...my OM is definitely single and because of his messy divorce actually lives with his parents. I tell you this to try and ease any pain that my posts may have caused you...sadly, my posts are all very true.

You pointed out that my story "stinks to high heaven", and I will agree with you there, it really does...as does yours and every one else's on the infidelity boards. I don't believe that anyone here has a "great" story, in fact, I'm sure that every single person on here would give anything if they had never had a reason to be here at all.

I am not proud of what brought me here, but I am grateful that there is such a place in light of our situation. Dr. Harley counsels both the WS and the BS and so I do believe that I have a place here too. Reading this board has been a very useful healing tool for my husband and I, because sometimes it is much easier to be able to talk about things in the third person before facing them in your own set of circumstances.

Your reaction to my story has actually helped me as well, it just further reinforces that affairs are all pretty well scripted and not at all "unique" as WSes always think their situations are. I thank God for His use of you in this way.

I like to believe that God uses even the worst parts of human existence to somehow inspire, help or affect positive outcomes for others. I would be honored if He would somehow use me in this way. So I will continue to post here from time to time because not only is it cathartic and helpful to me, but because I know that in sharing my troubles I just might be privileged enough to assist God in helping another of His children.

I would always welcome you to post to any of my threads and I sincerely wish you and your family Godspeed in recovery.

God also used you in the very same way for me ww.....made me deal w/the hatred and contempt instead of shoving it under the rug. i need to sharpen my skills in the hatred dept for other woman and every detail of your postings is almost identical to my h's ow.

at this point it is not healthy (for either one of us) for me to carry on conversations with you until i get my triggers under control. your post helped me to realize how disasterous it would be for me to "run into" the ow and that i need to get control of my emotions.....or end up in jail when and if that day ever comes.

i truely am sorry for my rudeness. i know in my heart that I KNOW MY HUSBAND more than the ow could ever know him regardless of how many years/history they had together and i also know my husband has dedicated himsself 10000% to recovery of our marriage and his family........your post raised a threat to me of the possibility of ow coming back into our life again. i really hope you realize how damaging that email could have been. i also pray that you realize you are just as guilty as om in your consenting in the first place......he is no better or no worse. your negative words of him are similar to my negative words of you.......

this will be my last response for now as i need to work on my backslide and my mb homework that i also have let slide.

best wishes