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Joined: Jun 2005
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well - i just feel that if my wife isnt contacting him that exposer to his wife would cause him to contact her and send her of the deep end. so what to do? if she is truly not in contact w/ him? what if it causes a divorce on his end and wife see hope that they could be together? im insecure to say the least......i have the home/work/cell numbers and work/home addresses.

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What exposure to his W will do is buy extra insurance that the affair doesn't resume. It will damage the affair beyond recognition. By keeping their secret for them, you leave the door open that the affair will resume. Having 2 people watch instead of 1 doubles your chances that the affair won't resume.

It is the single most effective thing you can do to kill off this affair. And yes, they will probably contact each other over it. But it will be a last gasp effort to save a sinking sink because this exposure usually delivers the death blow. That is preferable to a resumption of the affair.

Do you think your neighbor's bookkeeper is more or less likely to continue to stealing from your neighbor if your neighbor KNOWS about it? Just ask yourself that.

And lastly, you have a moral responsiblity to warn this woman about her husband so she can protect herself from your W and her H. Shouldn't she have a right, like you have, to know what is happening in her OWN MARRIAGE so she can have an opportunity to fix it? How can she protect herself if she doesn't know her H is destroying her behind her back?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Count me in w/those who are telling you to expose the affair to the OM's wife.

They may indeed contact each other, but their fantasy will be over. Instead of him whispering sweet nothings and playing the role of Prince Charming of the Dark--just one step away from leaving his horrible shrew of a frigid wife!--he'll be very upset when/if he contacts her.

He'll be a small, angry man, afraid of losing his marriage for a cow he didn't really want to buy.

And yes, his wife deserves to know. If he doesn't get caught he'll do it again. Who knows, he may in fact be a serial offender? Maybe when you make the call his wife will let you know that he's had multiple affiairs...that might also be a real fantasy-shredder for your wife.


Me: 35, FWW H: 37 Married 1990 DD:10 A began 12/97, ended 3/98 DS: 2 Mostly recovered. It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help It's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone else...
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This has been a roller coaster and my 11 yr daughter feels that I dont love her now too

what does this mean...
exactly

ark

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Please tell her. You would want the same.


BW-28-me FWH-27 D-Day 10-04 Together- 13 yrs Married- 4 yrs EA- 3 months -turned into a weekend PA, he came home on Sunday and told me. HS/College Sweethearts
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thru this and before my wife left for her fathers funeral ny daughter would bypass me for my wife : becuase I was the disipline and wife was the enabler. I beleive 11yr old has over heard and seen things while wife was having affair and and since shes back ,overheard our problem. There were issues before wife left w/ daughter and me-and it has gooten worse. I feel that my wife has justified and contributed to 11yr old idea that i dont love her even though i was the one driving to schoolevery day,soccer coach, hobby time spender while mom was the enabler,yes person etc...example-my daughter will not come to me for something she wants because she knows that I will not give her something she wants ie to spend the night at a friends when she hasnt done her chores and things that she has been asked to do-while the wife would just say OK fine. so im the bad guy.


Me 37 Her 35 Seperated 5/14/05 Back 7/08/05 EA affair found on 5/15/05 PA affair found on 7/10/05 2 kids 5 & 11
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Me 37 Her 35 Seperated 5/14/05 Back 7/08/05 EA affair found on 5/15/05 PA affair found on 7/10/05 2 kids 5 & 11
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