froz,

You just have me confused.Why on earth would you look at U/S photos of a baby that might have absolutely nothing to do with you?

And why is this OW calling you after she gets out of the hospital?

Was there some question that the OW was pregnant at all? Even if there was question,I would not waste time thinking about the what if's at this stage.It just seems to me that you are inviting this OW into your lives when she should be kept out at all costs.Afterall,you are in recovery of sorts.Why bring her back in when there is a high probability that she shouldn't have to be(DNA report)?

Sure some people do deserve things from you.Love? To your family? But the OW? HE** no.You are right,it is your choice though to give what you want to whom you want.If you go back and reread your intial post on this thread,I just don't know how we can help.You asked,"What the heck do I do?" Well,it seems that you are going along with your own decisions.That's ok but I don't agree so I guess I will bow out of this thread.I don't feel very helpful.

Good luck.

O

Hi Gimble,

I have greatly missed your guidance and wisdom and the calm way you dole out rational thinking and logic to me.



Well, there were many reasons. One being that I wanted to eliminate some worry about the pregnancy.

Another primary reason is that I was doing some investigating on the subject on my own. She became aware that I was investigating and I learned that she was worried. Since she already knew, I figured it would be more honest and less damagaging for all parties involved if I assumed a more forthright approach. I wanted her to know I wasn't out to get her...I just wanted information.



Yes.



Maybe I did think that in some remote way. Did I find the answers? I don't know. I know what she looks like now. I feel somewhat protected by that fact, just because I know that if we ever run into her in public I will be aware of who she is...avoiding continually looking like the stupid, blind fool.

Other than that benefit, you were right. I don't know how she is different. It doesn't matter how pretty I am or am not, nor she. The facts still remain...and pretty is a matter of opinion, anyway.


I am, though I will admit I am a slow learner.

The best to you and yours,

Froz

and...



That was where I got the idea...very possible that I misunderstood. I did say "if", so please don't think I am accusing you of faulting me.

Because it very well MIGHT have something to do with me. That was what I was trying to determine. The ultrasound photos showed that the due date is past the time it would have been if it were Patriot's child.

She is calling me when she gets out of the hospital to again reassure me that the birth date is past the date for me to be concerned with this.

I didn't want to wait for a DNA test. This seemed like the simplest, less damaging for EVERYONE method to deal with it.



Initially, the topic was about something Patriot said. When I mentioned the meeting with the OW, the topic quickly changed and people started focusing on that. Sorry for any confusion that caused you.

Harley recommends NC ... absolute NC ... and this ~also~ applies to the BS.

Once the affair is history .... NC all around.

This is one of the staples of recovery concepts.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

Here are the 4 rules for recovery ... they apply to WS and BS equally.... you need to scroll down a bit.

I can't think of anyone that really deserves anything from me (except my children)

Well..I can think of one...and a very important one. The one that should be the MOST important one too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

And..if you are relying on some date stamped on an ultrasound photo to ease your mind, you should be aware that it is not an exact science. It isn't even one that I would rely on past the kodak paper it is etched on. Babies grow at different rates...women have large babies...women have small babies.

I had an ultrasound with my second...and they changed the due date by 3 weeks after that test. It seemed funny to me because I KNEW the exact time that he was conceived so to change that date made no sense. I went along with it anyways, and wouldn't you know, that baby arrived right on the date that was FIRST predicted ....not by the indicator in that ultrasound. Go Figure.

committed

I honestly didn't know that applied to the BS, as well.

It still seems more logical to me to resolve the issue when it was causing so much stress for everyone, rather than putting it off...thus causing further, unnecessary stress in a time when there is already so much pain and stress.

Well, I read through the entire article. I didn't see anywhere where it said NC applied to the BS, too. I can see how that kind of contact can be harmful, though in this case it did resolve some issues.

Maybe you were referring to the Policy of Joint Agreement...I don't know.

What is the point you are trying to get me to see? I'm open to examining it.

Really? I assume you are referring to Patriot? What is it that he "deserves" from me?

I guess I didn't include him in the "deserves" category, because I choose to give to him. Some would say he doesn't deserve it. Some would say he does. I guess that really depends on your point of view.

As for my point of view...

He probably "deserved" to lose me because of his actions, however I chose to marry him despite those actions. So, given that he is now my husband...I suppose he does deserve certain things from me.

I'm doing the best I can here, folks...why must we nitpick over words?

I agree. This is the only way to know for certain. We all have seen kids that look nothing like either parent. You do not need this hanging over your head. Get a paternity test.

Well, I don't know that I can actually force OW and OW's H to do paternity testing.

Even so, no one wants to be more sure of this than I do. If her alleged due date is when she says it is...it will not be possible for the child to be Patriot's, nor will it be possible for it to be OM #2.

As far as I know, that only leaves her husband...who is of Middle Eastern descent. Either way, if this child's skin is even remotely brown...I will be certain that it is not Patriot's child.

Like what exactly?

Patriot (not you) can petition the court for a DNA test after the child is born. This is collected by a cheek swab. Neither she nor her H can deny the court order to determine paternity.

it's done every day.

Yep.

You don't understand ... the cheeks that get swabbed are the baby's and Patriot's.

Like...

To have and to hold
To give and to receive,
To care for and to console,
With openness and honesty,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
When together or when apart
To love and to cherish,
And to never betray
until we are parted by death.

...or something along those lines. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am aware how DNA testing is done (big Forensic Files fan). I meant I didn't know if I could force them to consent.

Would you really think this necessary if her delivery date is well past the time for it to possibly be Patriot's child? Also, given the ethnic background of her husband, would you still think this necessary?

"from this day forward"

uh-huh, dat's right

Me? Who cares what I think !!! Seriously ... this is a POJA issue. Outsiders opinions mean squat.